Turbulence
by riverofwords
Summary: Post Ep Honey. Cal and Gillian come to terms with the changes in their relationship brought about by a gunman. Gillian has a secret that will turn their lives upside down. Spoilers: Any Ep is fair game, nothing significant. Callian. Updated 10/14/2012
1. Chapter 1: Unsettled

Hello...this is my first LTM fic, but not my first fanfic. Thanks for reading...any constructive comments are welcome.

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Chapter 1: Unsettled

Gillian heard the knock and got up to answer the door. She was almost certain it was Cal. She couldn't help the smile that graced her features as she greeted him, any more than he could control his own. In that brief moment he relaxed and she took a deep breath to steady her emotions. He was okay and he was here on her doorstep. Nothing else mattered.

She watched him hover around the real reason he was there, darting in and out of her doorway and staying just out of her reach. She wanted to touch him, but he drew back from her. It hurt, but not enough to break through the emotions surging in her threatening to break the composure she was desperately trying to maintain. She took another breath, beating back the emotions again. Cal wasn't here to tell her the outcome of the case, or to apologize for running out or to concede to her decisions…although she knew he meant it and appreciated all of it.

"I'm okay." She heard herself say the words, but they both knew it wasn't the whole truth. She knew he'd want to check on her after what happened. He had pulled her back from the edge that afternoon and she hung on to that resolve because she wanted to be strong for him when he finally came to her. It would be difficult for him to tell Emily everything that happened and he'd need some time to process it himself before telling his daughter.

Gillian was surprised at his request to stay at her place. She had assumed that he would come by as he did, but he had not stayed with her since his divorce was put into motion. As she moved aside to let him in, she gently laid her hands on his chest to stop him from moving past her and took him in her arms. She wrapped her arms around him and held fast as he embraced her. He finally moved out of her arms and kissed her quickly as he made his way to the interior of the house.

Still teetering on the edge of composure, her eyes scanned the area as she shut the door. There was no question in her mind that the uneasiness she felt, despite Cal's presence, was a result of the mayhem at the office. As she dropped her hand from the lock, Gillian felt a chill run through her and clutched her hands together willing them to stop shaking. She took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before exhaling quietly and attempting to shake off the nerves.

"Relax…he's okay," she whispered to herself. The words had become her mantra ever since she watched him bolt from the office.

"What was that, love?"

Startled, she turned as Cal came toward her. She met his warm gaze and smiled at his familiar stance.

"Nothing. Just reminding myself to relax a bit."

Gillian felt the tears sting her eyes and looked down trying to regain some semblance of composure again. She wanted to be strong for him, but she was exhausted from the day and this constant battle to keep her emotions in check. She knew that the thought of not being there for Emily terrified Cal. She saw the toll it was taking on him throughout the day as the situation deteriorated and that asshole became more unstable. Each time she looked in his eyes, she saw his torment and fear.

They both knew that the bullet was mere inches away from ending his life. Her mind knew the burden he was running from as he gave her the gun meant to take his life and brushed passed her without a second glance. That knowledge was little consolation as her heart broke for him and his rejection brought on a wave of sadness. She knew that he would come to her eventually, he always did, but it was hell waiting for him to sort himself out.

Unable to quell the thoughts swirling in her mind, a single tear escaped and trailed down her face. She felt him tilt her head to meet his eyes once again. He gently brushed away the tear and ran his hands down her arms, taking her hands in his own.

"Hey…it's okay now. It's over."

She continued to battle her emotions as he held her close. He pulled back after a moment and held her hand over his heart.

"I'm still here, love, thanks to you."

As he held her hand to his chest, she felt the steady rhythm of his heart and it was her undoing. She clung to Cal as the tears fell and her body struggled for air and purchase; expelling the pain and fear that held her captive the minute she saw Ria, then Cal at the mercy of a gunman.

Gradually Gillian regained her bearings…the timbre of his voice as he whispered to her, the faint smell of his aftershave, the strength of his arms around her, and the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. She pulled back and ran her hands along his stubble, searching his eyes.

"I thought I was going to lose you today, Cal."

She brought her fingers to his lips when she saw him starting to speak.

"Shhhh…I was so scared for you and Emily. I know that you were burdened with the thought of any of us being in danger, but putting yourself in place of all of us was reckless and brave. I saw how it affected you, knowing you may not live through it and it tore my heart out."

Gillian moved her hands to rest on his chest. He was searching her eyes and she left herself open to him. No more walls for her tonight. No more masks. No more hiding. Not tonight. Tonight she will open her heart to him.

"I saw you sacrifice yourself to the whims of an asshole with a gun. I saw your strength, vulnerability, intelligence, stupidity and tenacity, yet I was surprised by none of it. I've known you for a long time as your partner and your friend, but I can't hide from you anymore. I realized today that if you had died, you wouldn't have known the truth. It would've been too late."

"Gill? Too late for what?"

Cal shifted and cocked his head. She knew he was going through their interaction earlier. He would come to his answer, so she remained silent as he put it together.

"You…"

He motioned to her as he broke from their embrace and started to pace the room.

"…when you confronted him and begged him to spare my life. There was more to it."

It wasn't a question. She knew that when he stopped pacing and turned to her. She saw the moment he pieced it together.

"You're in love with me…"

Cal's voice trailed off as his eyes turned distant.

tbc


	2. Chapter 2: Choices

Hello again,

Disclaimer: I own nothing and am borrowing the characters to play in my story.

This will probably end up being a little longer than I thought. I wanted to explore both Cal and Gillian's thoughts and feelings about themselves and each other. This has also taken a turn that I wasn't expecting, so I'm beyond the 2 chapters I had planned.

Thanks so much for the reviews and I am pleased that you're enjoying the story. Single quotes indicate thoughts and double quotes dialogue. I don't have a beta, so if you notice a mistake it's my own and I'll fix it up later. On with the story!

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Chapter 2: Choices

Cal walked to her window and looked outside, though he could only see his reflection. His brain was going a mile a minute. How could he not have seen this before? He was Cal Lightman, a man who built his career on reading people and seeing through the façade to the truth. A man who has spent years suppressing and denying the love he has for Gillian Foster and yet he completely missed the fact that she loved him, even when it was right in front of him. Granted, he had a gun to his head at the time, but he shouldn't have missed that.

His thoughts went back to his day from hell. He had seen the fear and concern in her eyes and demeanor. He struggled to keep his own emotions in check every time he saw her, so she wouldn't feed off of his and lose her focus. He trusted Foster and Reynolds to keep the others safe and direct them to help extract him from the mess he found himself in.

What he never saw coming was Foster's plea for his life. The scene was etched in his memory – he could still feel the cool metal digging at his neck, still smell the rancid breath of the bastard holding him hostage and still see the tears glistening in her eyes.

In that moment, Cal wasn't paying attention to her words so much as her body language. The composure she was known for and maintained all day began to unravel as she revealed the information they found to his captor. As she began to ask for his release, he saw the tear fall and heard her voice falter.

"Foster."

He spoke quietly and tried to catch her attention.

- CLICK -

The trigger locked into place.

"Please."

Her desperation was palpable. 'Not now, love, not now…' He thought.

"**Foster**."

He spoke her name again, more insistent this time. Giving her a stern look he silently willed her to hold it together a bit longer. 'That's it, love' he thought as he watched her rein in her emotions, pulling herself back from the edge.

That was it…that was what he missed. He thought she was on the brink because of the stress of the day and that the bastard showed no signs of relenting. That wasn't enough, though. Gillian's a tough woman and has held it together in any number of high pressure, high stress situations.

No, her Achilles heel was people she loved being in distress. She had found the information that would set him free and when she saw that nothing would be enough, she begged. She begged for his life…the life of the man she loved.

There it was…she loved him. He had his answer to this unspoken question he carried around for so many years. His love for her was the very thing that he had been denying for a variety of reasons.

'No,' he thought, 'not for many reasons. Only for one…rejection.'

Cal knew that he couldn't handle it if she rejected him actively. He could handle the passive rejection of circumstances and the line that they both agreed to when they became partners. He knew that as a married man it would be unfair to all if he pursued his feelings for her. After his divorce, it crossed his mind more than once. He knew that she was now taken and wouldn't betray her husband no matter how badly he treated her. Beyond that, he knew that it would put her at risk since the dumb ass was back on drugs and had a nasty violent streak.

They both stayed on their respective side of the lines, but their easy camaraderie left them reaching across the line to each other; their hearts testing the boundaries when their minds wouldn't. Tonight, everything changed and there's no going back. He is finally faced with the situation he has been avoiding for almost the entire time they've known one another. He's got an advantage knowing what's in her heart, but that gives him the power to be incredibly cruel to her or to relinquish himself completely to her. In most things she's willing to yield to him, leaving her vulnerable to his choices. He's been guilty more than once of tunnel vision in his actions, not willing to consider how his behavior would affect her or totally oblivious to the fact that it would.

Cal laughed quietly shaking his head. He would willingly put himself in the line of fire for others, but he's afraid of Gillian's rejection. Even now that he knows of her love for him, he's still afraid that her commitment to the line will keep her from being his lover. He worried that when the fear for his life completely wears off, her practicality and propriety would prevail and she would distance herself again. Nothing would be the same. The amiable silences would be awkward. Their boundaries would no longer overlap. Their friendship would be strained.

Cal's thoughts came back to the present and to Gillian as she rubbed his shoulders and then wrapped her hands around his waist. She rested her head on his back, lightly pressing her body to his. This was her way of telling him that she will wait until he's ready to share what's going on in his mind with her. She only did this when they were alone and it always made him feel at ease, but not today. His body, mind and heart were reacting to her as a lover and it put him on edge. He was torn between the need to flee before she could reject him and the euphoria coursing through him now that he knows she loves him.

Cal had a choice to make and no matter the outcome, things for them would be altered forever.

tbc


	3. Chapter 3: The Line

AN: Disclaimer – Don't own the show…just borrowing the characters for a while.

Happy New Year! Here's the third installment for those of you still with me on this journey. We're way beyond what I thought this would be in my mind so the updates may slow down some. Not sure how long or how far it will go, but I imagine there will be at least 2 more chapters. As always, I appreciate the reviews and all mistakes are mine and will be corrected if I find them after posting. Have a safe, healthy and blessed 2010. :o)

Chapter 3: The Line

Gillian leaned against the wall with her right shoulder supporting her, arms folded, watching the man she loved. Her mind wandered through their journey together, images from good times and bad forming in her mind. It had been 18 years since they met and 10 since they forged a professional partnership in his den/office, much to the dismay of Zoe. She was attracted to him from the start, but he was already involved with Zoe so she conjured a line and didn't cross it. The line was a condition to their partnership for her sanity and Cal easily agreed. Shortly after, a 'no reading each other' clause was added to give them a sense of privacy and an off limits zone.

She thought about how she finally gave up on the idea of being with him, even though she knew her attraction for him had grown into love. From her side of the line, she cherished their burgeoning friendship and often marveled at how quickly and deeply it grew. They were comfortable with each other and she felt as if she had known him all her life. They became best friends and solid business partners despite Zoe's initial objections. Zoe finally dialed down the harpy routine when she realized it was having no effect on Cal. Their business was taking off; he had Zoe and Emily and seemed happy at the time, so she started moving on in her own life knowing that anyone would be a distant second to Cal. She met Alec and eventually married him, which would end up bringing her a whole new level of pain and grief to her life with Sophie, the drugs and the infidelities.

Gillian could now see that she turned a blind eye toward Alec's behavior because she didn't want to face the fact that he didn't want her anymore. She hoped that she could maybe salvage their marriage once he got it out of his system, but it quickly became clear to her that she was off his radar and rather than drag things out any further she ended them.

She observed Cal quietly, thankful that the bullet meant to take his life stayed in the chamber. She thought about what a mess he was after his divorce and how he had finally moved past it. He had a strong bond with his daughter and was on civil terms with Zoe when they weren't sleeping together and at each other's throats. Fortunately, he seems to have moved beyond that but she had to wonder if Zoe would be a factor in their relationship as it changed. Had he really gotten her out of his system? Staring at his back and occasionally his backside, she could tell he was tense and lost in thought as he processed what had happened. Feeling the need to be closer to him, she quietly crossed the room and approached him.

Gillian felt Cal's body relax beneath her touch as she stroked his shoulders with her palms, then let them glide down his arms to embrace him as he stood gazing out the window. As her arms encircled his torso, she felt him tense up which concerned her. Even though they've always stayed on their own side of the line, Cal and Gillian always relied on physical touch as much as words to communicate. He'd never reacted this way to her embrace and it drove home the fact that their relationship had reached another threshold that can't be undone.

Gillian was now in uncharted territory. Knowing that Cal had a tendency to flee when he was overloaded, she stopped moving altogether and waited for some indication from him before she did or said anything else. She wanted; no she needed him here with her. Things between them were different now and she needed him to tell her what he wanted, instead of running out and leaving her to deal with it on her own.

That was his pattern – he would get into and out of some type of crisis, bolt once the shit hit the fan with her, apologize sometime later and flee the scene knowing that she will come around shortly thereafter. If the crisis didn't involve her, it changed in that he fled to her. She would take him in and deal with his 'sorting it out' process involving liquor, pacing, long periods of silence and his disappearance with a quick "Thanks, Foster" on the way out the door to reality.

Tonight was different though. Cal broke from his usual pattern of apologizing and leaving her to deal with things on her own. He asked to stay the night, held her as the toll of the day took over and stood in her arms after being faced with the revelation of her love for him. She feared that revealing herself would be too much for him today, but she was emotionally and physically exhausted. By the time he showed up on her doorstep, she was nearly spent. She just didn't have anything left to shield herself from him, nor did she want to. She hadn't yet said the words, fearful of his reaction if she just came out and said she was in love with him. So she gently led him to the answer, allowing him to see it in her eyes after she put him on the path with her words. She had hoped that if she gave him enough insight to figure it out for himself, his mind would be occupied enough to keep his feet from running out the door.

It seemed to work for the moment, but she knew that just about anything could set him off. Sensing no change in his demeanor, she fought the urge to tighten her hold on him and began to loosen her embrace. The thought that she had misread his cues crossed her mind as she slowly began to pull away to give him the space he seemed to need.

"No…"

His voice was soft, but insistent. Punctuating his statement, Cal's hands took hers, effectively stopping her retreat from him.

"Fos... Gillian. It's alright, love."

His voice was soft as he spoke to her, but his firm hold told her that he wasn't as calm as his voice indicated. She held him tighter for a moment and then felt him turning in her arms. He held her at arm's length studying her, holding her captive with his intense gaze. He abruptly pulled her into his arms and held her to him as if he'd lose her if he let go. He spoke softly, but fervently in her ear. She closed her eyes as her body reacted to his warm breath on her skin, the strength of his embrace and the sound of her name on his lips.

"Gill, look…I've got to be honest here, yeah? I know things are changing between us and I'm fighting not to run out that door. There are two things I'm certain of right now. The first is if I leave, I'll get snockered and you'll shut me out for good. The second is if you reject me after tonight, I won't be able to handle it and we'll end up badly. I'm not leaving Gillian and I'll tell you everything you want to know. No more hiding and no more bullshit. But I've got to know that you're on this journey with me and that you're not going to retreat behind that bloody line of yours once you wake up tomorrow and come to your senses. If you don't want this to go any further; if you have any doubts at all, for God's sake love, tell me now."

tbc


	4. Chapter 4: Crossroads

AN: Disclaimer – Not mine, just borrowing.

Hello again…We've finally gotten to Gill/Cal interaction. The setup was a bit long, but I thought it needed to be explored more than what was shown in the ep. I appreciate the encouragement and your patience. All mistakes are mine. Single quotes indicate thoughts, double quotes dialogue.

One final note…this has officially become AU because the events in Fold Equity wouldn't take place in my Callian world.

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Ch. 4: Crossroads

"…If you don't want this to go any further; if you have any doubts at all, for God's sake love, tell me now."

"Cal, don't run. Not again. Please."

Cal closed his eyes and held on to her, praying he wouldn't hear the words he feared for so long. Hoping the hitch in her voice wasn't regret about revealing herself to him.

"What about it, love? Are we done with that blasted line?"

"Cal… We need to talk."

'No, no, no, no, no, no.' Cal thought as he felt her take in a deep breath. 'This can't be happening, damn it.' He heard her words, but he had to see it on her face. He pushed her out to arms length again and held his breath as he sought confirmation of what he feared most.

He stood there and analyzed her – 'Doubt? No. Love? Yeah. Fear? No. Arousal? Definitely. What the hell?!?' His eyes travelled to her mouth and he exhaled as he registered her smirk.

"You little minx!"

He smiled and ran his hand through his hair, shocked that she would tease him like that after a day like today.

"Cal, I've been by your side for the past 18 years. Did you honestly think I would open up to you about my love for you then declare we still can't cross the line?"

He nodded and allowed her to see his vulnerability.

"Hey, I've stood by you through the good times, the bad and the really shitty. I've nursed your hangovers, watched you gamble away several fortunes, spent wonderful times with you and Emily and witnessed your rise to the very pinnacle of your profession. I'm in love with you, Cal Lightman."

He stumbled forward as she tugged him toward her, moving them a couple feet in the room.

"There. You're on my side of the line now. I, Gillian Foster, hereby abolish the "bloody, blasted line" and any verbal agreements concerning said line henceforth."

He regarded her – her eyes twinkling, her demeanor playful and confident – it was a new side to her and he found it to be sexy as hell.

Fears allayed, he took her face in his hands.

"I've wanted to do this for years…"

Cal leaned in and brought his lips to hers, gently exploring her mouth and sharing her breath. It felt as if her love was a current curling through his body. He pulled back just enough to catch his breath, lingering near her and panting slightly. He studied her face as she slowly opened her eyes and smiled at him.

"Mmm… I know we need to talk, but it's been a long day and I don't feel much like talking now. How about a glass of wine, instead? "

Glad for the reprieve and the lightening of the mood, he readily agreed.

"I'd love one. Mind if I…" He motioned toward her iPod dock on the shelf.

"Not at all, be right back."

Cal shifted as she reached up and kissed him. His eyes slid shut as she sought his tongue. Desire shot through him as her teeth tugged his bottom lip and she turned toward the kitchen giving him an excellent view of her ass. He licked his lips and bared his teeth. 'That woman will be the death of me.'

Turning his attention to her iPod, he scrolled through the playlists: Alternage, Top 40ish, Smooth, Lazy Days... 'What kind of madness is this?' He tried his luck with the one called Smooth and scrolled through the list…Garth Brooks, Maxwell, Queen Latifah, Babyface, and Pearl Jam among others.

"Oi! Foster…how can you have George Strait and Clint Black in the same playlist as Maxwell and Bill Withers??" Cal called out to her, perplexed at the list.

"Play them and see what you think."

She handed him his wine and went to sit on the couch. He took a sip of the wine and hit play on the Clint Black track. You Made Me Feel started to play and he tilted his head, listening to the unfamiliar tune. Once he got a feel for the song, he skipped to the next tune, Billy Vera's At This Moment.

"I know that one." He grinned at her and turned his attention back to the iPod. "Next is Into the Night by Julee Cruise. I've not heard of her. Where'd you get that one from?"

"That was from an old TV Series, Twin Peaks. It has an ethereal quality, don't you think?"

"Yeah…next up is Pretty Wings…Maxwell. Never heard it before, but I quite like it…"

Cal was enjoying getting to know Gillian through her music. He'd never realized her musical tastes were so broad. He realized there was a lot he didn't know about her as the next track started to play. With a grin he held out his hand to her.

"C'mon love, dance with me." He smiled as she rose to join him. Eric Clapton's Wonderful Tonight began to filter through the speakers. He took her in his arms and swung her around before settling into the rhythm of the music.

"So, what do you think of the list? Do they all fit together?"

"On the surface, all those different genres didn't seem to mix, but audibly they are a surprisingly good fit."

He heard her yawn as she laid her head on his shoulder.

"Let's sit down for a few minutes before calling it a night. I know you don't want to talk, but there are some things I want to tell you and I don't want to wait any longer."

He led her to the couch and then turned down the music a bit. He grinned as he listened to the lyrics to Billy Joel's The Night is Still Young. He did have a lot of catching up to do and he intended on starting now. Sitting on the coffee table across from her, he took her hands in his own.

"Gillian, I don't even know where to begin. I remember when we first met, how easily we got on together. It was like we'd known each other in a past life or something. I was attracted to you, but committed to Zoe. Even though I've often taken advantage of it, I've always held your friendship as one of the best things in my life. No…don't…it's my turn to talk and yours to listen."

He put two fingers over her mouth to silence her.

"Love, you've put up with so much along the way. I don't know why you've stood by me, especially at my worst, but I'm so glad that you have. One of the hardest things I had to do was watch you walk down the aisle and marry Alec. I knew I had no right to feel that way, but God help me I did. Then to watch you lose Sophie and have him treat you the way he did was torture. I wasn't there for you the way you were for me and I'm truly sorry for that. We can go into why later. We'll have to talk to Em of course, but I want a go at a relationship with you if you're willing. I want to make up for all the time we lost together. I've never felt the same connection with anyone else that I've felt with you tonight. I'm in love with you, Gill."

He saw the tears forming in her eyes again and stood up. He pulled her into his arms and held her, breathing in the slight aroma of her shampoo.

"It feels so good to be able to hold you this way, love."

"It does. I like this business of being able to be close to you." He let out an "Oi!" when she squeezed his butt cheek and gave him an innocent look. "Did you bring a bag or do I need to find the clothes you left behind last time you were here?"

"I've got a bag in my car. I'll get it." He called on his way out the door.

He was so glad that he came to her when he did and left the other woman behind. He would've missed this small window of opportunity, quite certain she would have compartmentalized everything by tomorrow and have all her shields and defenses in place. Who knows how long it would have been before they came to a crossroads like this again. His only worry tonight was controlling his hormones. 'She deserves better than that,' he thought. But what a vixen she's turned out to be. She was much more open than he expected and it was driving him crazy.

He closed the door behind him, left his shoes on the mat and flopped on the couch waiting for Gillian to return. He wanted to say goodnight before he retreated to the spare room for what would probably be one of the longest nights of his life. He knew that she would be out soon with some things for him, so he hooked his knee over the arm of the couch, leaned his head back and listened to the music. He was surprised when she returned to the living room empty handed.

She already read the unspoken question.

"There have been some changes since you stayed with me after the divorce. I couldn't stand to be in the same bed that the jackass defiled, so I got rid of it and took the one that used to be in the spare room. I haven't gotten around to replacing it, so you can bunk with me. I won't bite…well, not tonight anyway."

Cal stood, grabbed his bag from the floor and followed her to her room with a grin plastered on his face.

tbc


	5. Chapter 5: Revelations

AN: Disclaimer: Still don't own any of it.

Hello...I'd like to say thanks to everyone who took time to read, review, or add an alert. The encouragement is much appreciated. This one is a bit longer than the previous chapters, which is always a good thing. I've upped the rating to M for language in this chapter. I'm at a bit of a crossroads here....I could tidy things up and end it in the next chapter or extend it a couple more, exploring Emily's reaction, maybe some office dynamics and a blow up between Zoe and Gill. Not sure which path the characters want to take...that will come out in the writing process. If any of you have a preference, I'll certainly take that into consideration. All mistakes are mine...single quotes = thoughts, double quotes = dialogue.

Thanks again :)

Ch 5: Revelations

Cal gradually became aware of his surroundings and grinned as he realized that Gillian was in his arms. He thought that he would have a problem keeping his physical desire for her at bay, but Gillian's relaxed openness with him put him at ease. They were both exhausted from the stress of the day and the emotional roller coaster they had both experienced. Cal turned his head and breathed in her scent, allowing himself to enjoy the intimacy of the moment. He closed his eyes and let his mind wander through the evening he shared with her.

He knew that she would have questions and doubts about Zoe and he really couldn't blame her. He knew now that what he felt for Zoe wasn't even in the same league as his feelings for Gillian, but his attraction to her was strong…so strong that even after their divorce he still ended up in bed with her. The sex, after all, was great…but in the end, that's all it ever was. It was just sex. Part of him had wanted to reject Zoe, knowing how much he had been hurt after their divorce even though he never truly opened up to her. He should have rejected her, but he was weak and she played him. She knew just what to say and do to manipulate him into doing just about anything.

'What a bloody idiot I am!' He couldn't believe how blind he had been when it came to Zoe. She didn't just manage to get him in bed and occasionally make things difficult between him and Em. She got him to give her a chunk of money and put his…no their business in the red, without even asking him for it. All she had to do was to make him believe that she was whisking Emily off to Chicago so that she could pursue a new avenue in her career. He went to the bank right away, never even giving Gillian the courtesy of a phone call to let her know. 'I bet she had no intention of leaving.' The thought that she lied to Emily and him to get money out of him made him furious. It was probably a bonus for her that it strained his partnership with Gillian.

Cal leaned over and kissed Gillian on the cheek before he got up to get dressed. There was no use in trying to sleep now. Between his revelation about Zoe and knowing he had to deal with some difficult questions from Gill, he wouldn't be able to sleep. After showering, he made his way toward the kitchen to make some breakfast for them. On the way he took her iPod off the dock and the earphones off the shelf. He wanted something to break the silence and distract him, but he didn't want to wake her so he left it on the same playlist and made his way to the kitchen. Shuffling to the fridge, he squinted into the light trying to make out what was in there. He grabbed the eggs, milk, OJ, bread and syrup and set about looking for the proper pans and such to make French toast.

Twenty minutes later, he was about finished and jumped slightly when he felt her arms wrap around him. He popped the buds out of his ears and turned toward her.

"Mornin' love, made us some breakfast."

He grinned as she kissed him soundly. 'I could get used to this.'

He handed her a plate and a fork and turned to grab his own and join her at the table.

"No line for you this morning? Haven't come to your senses, have you?"

"No more line…Thanks for all this. I love your French toast."

They finished their breakfast in a comfortable silence. Their meals were always like this; no forced small talk to fill awkward silences. He enjoyed that. Wanting to get past her questions so they could move forward, he broke the ice.

"I meant what I said, last night. I'll tell you anything you want to know. I'm done hiding from you."

He looked in her eyes and saw her love shining in them. He saw her mind start to work and her expression changed to curiosity and fear. He knew what was coming. 'Always straight to the point, love.'

"Where did you go yesterday?"

Five simple words, yet not nearly as simple of an explanation.

"You're not going to like it."

"Probably not…you're stalling."

"I called a girl from the case I was working yesterday. I met her and she gave me her number. I drove around for a couple hours until I stopped at a bar. I called her and had her meet me there."

'There it is…the hurt.' And she wasn't even trying to hide it. He felt like an ass.

"What happened?"

Two more words…again, straight to the point.

"I bought her a drink. She had asked me to describe my ideal woman. I told her I could describe my ideal woman til the cows come home…that the real question was whether I was her ideal man. She wanted to go upstairs and order room service. I told her I shouldn't be there and I left and came here."

Cal watched her staring out the window, arms folded in a self protecting posture. He knew the truth would hurt her...he knew it when he picked up the phone to call the woman in the first place. Gillian solved the case, kept them all safe with Reynolds' help, plead for his life and he thanked her by shoving a gun in her hands and running out the door even when she tried to reach out to him. 'What the fuck was I thinking?'

Cal walked over to her and faced her.

"I'm sorry, love. I meant what I told her though. I could describe my ideal woman, you, til the cows come home. I knew when I called her I should have been with you. I was restless and scared. I was avoiding you because I knew that I could no longer sit by and hide my feelings for you anymore. I was afraid that you'd turn me away; that I wasn't what you wanted or deserved in a man. So I ran."

He looked at her, pleading silently that this wouldn't halt the progress they had already made.

"I get it, Cal." She looked sad, but not angry. "I understand your reasons. It hurts and I don't like it, but people react to…"

"No, love. Don't make excuses for me. I ran out and it was a shitty thing to do to my best friend and my partner. I can't change what I did, but I am so glad that I chose to come here instead of go anywhere with her. I love you, Gill and I don't think we'd be here if I'd waited until morning to check up on you. Well, we'd be here because I would've come over here, but you know what I mean, right?"

She laughed a bit and showed a small smile that didn't reach her eyes, before turning back to the window.

"Zoe."

"Jesus, Foster…not cutting me any breaks today are you?"

"Are you deflecting?" Sarcasm laced her words.

"What do you want to know?"

"Are you over her?"

"What kind of question is that? I just told you I love you."

"It's the kind of question I have to ask since you decided to continue sleeping with her after your divorce, even though she was involved with someone else."

Cal put his hands in his pockets and shuffled around…hovering around like he was the previous night in her doorway.

"I was still attracted to her. The fun in the fight is making up. It was easy and familiar. It didn't lessen the hurt though."

Gillian rolled her eyes and he cocked his head, studying her.

"You still don't get it Cal, do you? She manipulates you."

"Yeah…I got that. She used the thing with Em to get me to give her money. I realized that this morning."

Gillian shook her head, shocked at his blindness when it came to Zoe.

"What?? Why are you looking at me in that tone of voice?"

"She manipulates you…Cal! She's played you from day one. She saw me as a threat so she manipulated you into proposing. When that didn't succeed, she tried to turn you against me which didn't work. That was probably the only time that you didn't fall for it. When that didn't work, she got pregnant with Em. That still didn't get me away from you, so she finally backed off. Hell, even after your divorce she was still using you to her own ends; making Roger jealous. She's tried for years to turn Em against me, but you and Em must have a gene resistant to that particular manipulation thankfully. Then, her latest ploy was taking Em away from you. Either way, she got back at you; by limiting your time and influence with Emily or by draining your bank account. For someone so astute at finding a lie, how can you not see someone bending the truth right in front of you?"

Cal flopped down on the chair, taken aback by the bluntness of her words and the truths in them. He knew that he hadn't truly loved Zoe, but he had no idea that she never really loved him either. He was blind when it came to her… and he never saw any of the things Gill just mentioned. It all made sense though. He was involved with Zoe when he met Gillian, but they weren't at all serious. Once he and Gill's friendship developed, Zoe was more demanding of his time and pushing and pressuring him to commit. Once they were married and Gillian became his partner, he got in a big row with her about Gillian. The next day, Zoe apologized and started talking about children. It was all so clear to him now.

"Why didn't you say anything to me?"

"I tried to lead you to the truth, but you were oblivious to it. It wasn't my place to tell you outright. Surely, you of all people can understand that."

"Yeah, I can."

Cal knew that she was referring to his knowledge of Alec's infidelity and that it was still a sore spot for her that he never said anything. Cal sat there lost in thought. He had quite a few revelations in a 24 hour period and his mind was analyzing the biggest one of them all…knowing what it meant to truly love and be in love with someone. If Cal was completely honest, he had never really made love with anyone…never allowed himself to be completely open and vulnerable to someone else. He wanted that with Gillian…he would give her everything, risk it all. He felt happier and more content waking up beside her this morning than he ever had before. Her voice drew his attention.

"You still haven't answered the question. It's been what 8 months or so since you were with her. All she would have to do is look at you cross eyed and you'd do it again."

There was sadness and finality to her voice and it seemed as if she was speaking more to herself than him.

"Fuck me…you think you've got it all figured out, don't you Foster?"

He got up as she turned toward him. He stalked over to her, eyes blazing, and invaded her space voice raised.

"You're clairvoyant now, are ya? I wasn't aware that was a credential attached to your doctorate, Doctor Foster. I don't want to talk about Zoe, alright?!?! I really don't. I want to talk about you and me and where all of this is going, but you want to know about her… Fine! I loved her. Well I thought I did, anyway. And she made a right fool out of me again and again and I'm just now seeing it. She hurt me. The divorce hurt me and it hurt Em. I slept with her because I wanted to…to get one up on Roger, because she was a good fuck," he saw her flinch, but gave her no time or space to withdraw from him, "because it was familiar. Of course she was using me and it was a stupid thing to do, but it felt good at the time and you, as ever, were unattainable. Damn it, Gill, I've realized in one night with you that I've never truly loved anyone until you. Not even the mother of my child. Zoe will always be a part of my life and our lives, but I don't want her, Foster. _I want you_! "

He realized he was still yelling and had backed her up into the wall, his body nearly touching hers. He lowered his voice.

"I want you, Gill. Not Zoe. You're all I've wanted for some time now, but you weren't available so I made due elsewhere. I wouldn't string you along if I wanted her. I saw how Alec's infidelity affected you, love. I'll never do that to you. Can't promise I won't be a sod in other ways, but not that. "

He pressed his body to hers and kissed her firmly with the desire that has burned in him for years. He devoured her mouth and moved down her neck, pressing his growing erection to her leg. He gently bit her ear lobe, whispering to her.

"I'm yours, Gill."

tbc


	6. Chapter 6: Exploration

AN: Hello...thanks for the kind reviews on the last installment and fav's/alerts. I know this took a bit longer to get out...Christmas vacation is over and life resumes. There are several more chapters to go here, I'm thinking, and this is a bit of a transitional chapter. I tried to avoid the cliches, but there's bound to be a couple in there somewhere. This is definitely M rated now...hope you enjoy. There will be a Zoe/Gill showdown....just not sure which chapter. Thanks again!

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but I sure do like playing with them :)

Ch. 6: Exploration

He felt her shiver as the breath from his words caressed her ear. "Gill, let me make love to you." He sought her mouth again, bringing his hands up beneath her tank to feel her skin.

"But there's still stuff we haven't discussed…"

"Look…no matter what is said; I'm in this with you for the long haul. Short of you being involved with another man or being a lesbian and taking off, there's nothing you can say or do that will cause me to leave you. I'm not interested in pursuing anyone else but you. What about it? Are you with me on this?"

"Yes, of course."

"Then let me show you how I feel…" He began to kiss down her neck and lift her shirt, pausing for a sign from her to continue.

She brought her hands to her shirt and lifted it off for him. His eyes met hers as his hands travelled up to her breasts. He gently squeezed them, reading her reactions as he fingered her nipples.

"You're beautiful, love."

He took her hand and walked back to her bedroom, shutting the door behind him. She stood before him, in front of the bed, with the morning light filtering through the thin curtains. Letting go of her hand, he stepped in and kissed her, reveling in the discovery of this intimate side of her. Her eyes were closed as he explored her body, her hands around his neck and fingers in his hair.

"Keep your eyes closed for me. Can you do that, love? Or should I get a blindfold?"

"Umm…maybe a blindfold is better. Here."

She handed him his tie he left on the dresser and he took it from her and circled around to her back.

"Close your eyes. This isn't about control, love. It's about heightening your senses. Okay?"

"Yes."

He kissed her cheek, then embraced her from behind. He ran his hands from her belly up to her breasts again, pinching her nipples until he heard her moan in pleasure. Leaving one hand to its task, he let the other drift down to the waistband of her pajama bottoms. He smiled when he felt her stomach muscles twitch under his gentle touch. His lips were moving along her shoulders, alternating between nipping and tasting her, tracing the path with his tongue.

"Please, Cal."

He heard the longing in her voice and allowed his hand to drift all the way into the front of her pants. He grunted when he realized she wasn't wearing any underwear.

"No knickers? You are a naughty minx, Gill."

He sucked at her neck while his fingers probed her sex, finding her wet for him. His fingers slid easily between her folds and she responded with a grunt of her own as he teased her clit. He removed his fingers and slid off her pants, making quick work of his own clothes. He sat on the end of the bed and pulled her back to him.

"I'm going to sit you on my lap."

He saw her nod and rubbed his dick a few times before sitting her down and guiding it into her. He felt her tight warmth moving down on him and taking him in, causing them both to gasp. She started to move on him, but he stilled her movements.

"Not yet, just relax."

He felt her lean back against him. He whispered in her ear while his hands began exploring her again.

"You're so wet for me."

He took her hand and put it on his, then moved them down to her clit.

"Show me how you like it, love. Teach me how to get you off."

He waited, feeling her hesitate. He kissed her while using his other hand to embrace her.

Feeling his arm around her seemed to relax her again and she began to guide his hand. She moved his fingers to circle her clit slowly. He was able to read her cues about pressure and speed, committing them to memory. He felt his cock twitch as she took her other hand and brought his back to her breast. He rolled her nipple between his fingers and felt her move his fingers harder and faster against her clit. She was pulsing around his cock now and he could tell that she was getting close.

"Oh, Cal…yes, right there."

Her words came out between short breaths of air. He kissed her neck where he left a mark earlier and then latched on at the base of her neck, sucking her skin as she climbed toward her release. Her hand left his to grab his hair and he continued to stroke her, fingers slick with her wetness.

"Oh God, Cal…"

He felt her tense around his cock and hold her breath. He knew that she was on the edge.

"Cum for me, Gill."

He gave her nipple a sharp pinch, bit down on her shoulder and stroked her faster until he felt her spasm around him. He softened and slowed his strokes and massaged the bite mark with his tongue as she came down from her orgasm, uttering incoherently.

He undid the blindfold and lifted her off of him.

"Lay up on the bed."

"I don't know if I can move."

He smiled at her.

"All part of my plan, love."

She managed to position herself on her bed, still recovering from her orgasm as he crawled up her body, kissing as he went. He trailed his lips along the inside of her thigh, intoxicated by the smell of her perfume mingling with her cum. He watched her face as he tasted her, probing her gently. When her hips jerked, he held her in place and began to repeat the motions his fingers learned with his tongue. He circled her nub and probed her entrance, eager to please her again. He watched as she clenched her fists, licked her lips, and played with her nipples. He watched her muscles flex and felt her struggling against his hold. He smiled as he brought her over the edge once more, eagerly lapping at her before crawling up her body to her mouth. He kissed her deeply; unsure of whether she'd want to taste herself on him, but not caring as he had to be as close to her as possible. Propping himself on his left elbow, he grabbed his throbbing cock and positioned it at her entrance. He thrust in completely and she gasped as he began a steady rhythm.

"Look at me, Gill."

She looked into his eyes and he couldn't look away.

"I love you, Gillian."

He smiled at her and she returned his smile. He felt her arms encircle his neck and her legs wrap around his waist. He felt her breath, warm on his skin, urging him to go faster.

"Don't close your eyes, love. Let me see them."

He watched her as he thrust in and out of her. He watched her bite her lip when he changed his angle. He watched her gasp when he thrust deeper. He watched her tongue dart out when he sped up. He knew he couldn't take much more, so he took her hand and placed it between them.

"I'm so close love…I can't wait much longer."

"So am I…give it to me, Cal. Cum in me. Fuck me…I need to feel you."

Her words pushed him toward his own climax. His thrusts became erratic as he adjusted so she could maneuver her hand to catch up with him. He felt her muscles clench around him again and grunted as he began to cum inside her, whispering to her as he thrust with everything he had. The feel of being inside her and watching the storm of emotions cross her face was a long awaited delight for him. For the first time, he didn't mask his emotions from his partner. He was truly open and vulnerable and he saw the surprise and love in her eyes as she read him.

He nuzzled her neck and moved off of her, letting his hand wander over her body enjoying the new found intimacy between them. He entwined his fingers with hers and looked over at her. Her hair was damp and unruly and her body glistened with sweat. Her lips were red and full and she had two marks on her neck where he sucked at her. She never looked more beautiful to him as she did laying there, spent from three orgasms that he brought her to.

"You okay, love?"

"Oh God, yes…Cal. You. That was incredible!"

"Yeah it was."

She turned her head toward him and he saw the question before it passed her lips.

"Why are you scared?"

"Gillian, this is the first time I've ever let my guard down with anyone. I'm in so deep, now. I've never left myself this open to anyone. You know I'm not that trusting with people. It's a bit nerve-wracking, is all."

He saw her smile and was reassured by the love he saw in her eyes. They would be alright together. He watched her fall asleep beside him, thinking of all the things they would do together. He drifted off to sleep; pushing aside thoughts of what awaited them with Zoe and Em and those at the office. That would come soon enough. For now he was content just to have her in his arms.

tbc.


	7. Chapter 7: Confrontation

AN: Hello once again. This story has taken yet another turn I didn't expect, but what a turn it will be. This is the first installment of the Zoe/Gill showdown. I have made a couple corrections in previous chapters to fix my math and the quote from the show in the first chapter (Gill says I'm okay, not I'm fine like I put). I adjusted their friendship from 15 to 18 years so that Gill would indeed have been around while Cal was with Zoe, but before they were married and had Emily.

I don't own the show or the characters...etc. Enjoy!

Ch 7: Confrontation

The next two weeks went by without much fuss for Cal and Gillian. They told Emily of their decision to be together and received mixed reactions from her. Cal had thought that Em would be over the moon about them, but he sensed that she had some doubts. Not wanting to make Gill uncomfortable, he let it go at the time and would revisit it with her in private.

Lost in thought, he didn't hear Gillian come through his office door. He looked up at her when he felt her hands on his shoulders.

"Hello."

He smiled at her and she went to sit in the chair across from his desk.

"Hey… gave Loker and Torres a case before they left for the night. The cops think that a group of kids are involved in a shop lifting ring and the kids insist that two local teachers had them do it as part of an experiment. They'll start first thing in the morning."

"Right. So are you up for joining me for dinner later? Em's going to her mum's."

"Have you talked to her at all? She seemed a bit conflicted over the news."

He smiled at her. She was always thinking of others…he loved that about her.

"Not yet. I wanted to give her a couple days of space. You know how teens are…we may have just caught her on a bad day or she may have concerns. Either way, I didn't want to badger her and then have her off to Zoe's. If she does have issue with it then we need time to talk about it."

He saw her nod and the concern cross her face briefly. He knew that Em would come around, but he also knew that Gillian would hold back until things were settled. She always treated Emily as if she was family and she never patronized her. Gill would take things at Emily's pace, which pleased him.

"Yes to dinner. I'm going to go finish up some paperwork before we leave for the night."

He walked over to her and grabbed her hand and pulled her to him before she could leave. He let his hand fall to her ass as he kissed her soundly.

"Well, Cal. Looks like you've finally landed the 'unattainable' one."

Cal broke the kiss and rested his head for a moment on Gillian's holding her in place after anticipating her move to separate herself from him. He looked in her eyes and they had a short conversation between them without uttering a syllable. She thought she should leave. He was okay with her staying, but knew she would leave them anyway.

He kissed her briefly on the lips before they separated. Gillian turned and smiled at Zoe, greeting her as she always had…with a cool, professional tone.

"Good evening, Zoe. Cal, I'll be in my office."

Cal waited until Gillian left, admiring her ass on the way out, and then turned his attention to his ex wife. It was the first time that he had seen or spoken to her since he realized the extent of how she manipulated him… No. That wasn't right. He allowed her to manipulate him – even before they were married. He still couldn't get over how much power he relinquished to her.

He looked her up and down and noticed her smug smile. Now that he finally had the blinders off, he could see her for what she was…a cold, vindictive woman. Normally, he would feel a familiar desire when he was in her presence, but the spell had finally been broken. She was a beautiful woman on the outside, but all he saw now was her bitterness. She didn't realize that the game had changed.

"Hello, Zoe. What brings you here?"

He leaned back in his chair and put his feet up on the desk. She sat down in the chair recently vacated by Gillian.

"Emily said to pick her up here, that she was dropping your car off here for you. She's not here yet?"

"Not that I'm aware of, but she should be here momentarily."

He kept his answers short. He didn't want to get into the details of what he had discovered with Gillian's help since he knew that Emily would be there soon.

"Sooooo… You and her have finally brought your friends with benefits routine out in the open. Does Emily know?"

Her eyes were cold and her words were tinged with spite. He knew that she was trying to push him into a fight by insinuating that they had been together before either of them was divorced.

"Yes, Emily knows that Gillian and I finally decided to pursue a relationship together. She also knows, as you do, that we were only close friends before things changed a couple of weeks ago."

Cal felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and pulled it out to answer it.

"Hello, Em…yeah sure, I'll come unlock the door. Where are you now? Okay, love. Bye."

He got up and walked past Zoe.

"She'll be here in a few."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Gillian went back to her office. As soon as she heard Zoe's voice, she felt uneasy. Her relationship with Cal is still new and they really wanted to keep Zoe out of it for a while, but that didn't happen. She knew deep down that Cal would be true to his word and that their relationship was built on a foundation of friendship that was forged over many years. Her doubts didn't center on Cal's fidelity, but on the fact that Zoe could manipulate him in a way that no one else could. She had fully expected to hear them shouting at each other by now, but things were quiet. Too quiet.

She turned her attention back to the paperwork on her desk and the budget spreadsheet on the computer screen. She cringed inwardly when she heard Zoe enter her office, but expertly masked her disdain at the woman.

"Where's Cal?"

"He went to let Emily in. So you and Cal aren't hiding your trysts anymore?"

"Excuse me?"

"Oh please. You know exactly what I'm talking about. How long have you been fucking my husband?"

Gillian let nothing show on her face. She knew exactly where she and Cal stood. She no longer had to take a powerless position in this triangle, as she was Cal's lover, friend and partner. The latter two gave her no authority to interfere in Cal and Zoe's relationship, so she had always taken what she said without argument. Zoe always took cheap shots at her, but she always took the high road and didn't let them bother her…well she didn't let Zoe or Cal see that the comments bothered her anyway.

This was different, though, and probably the result of Zoe walking in on them. She could see Zoe's tactics a mile away.

"Cal and I have been friends for, what, 18 years now," Gillian mused. "About two weeks ago, we decided to pursue a relationship and discussed it with Emily shortly thereafter. Whether or not we are _fucking_ is none of your concern and fortunately for him, he's not married to you anymore."

Gillian saw the blatant anger and hatred on her face. No micro expressions there.

"Who the hell do you think you are talking to me like that?!?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Cal had his arm around Emily's shoulders as they walked back to his office. They both stopped in the hallway when they heard Zoe shouting.

"Em, love…go wait for me in my office."

"Dad, who is mom yelling at?"

"Probably Gillian, as she was the only other one here when your mum showed up. Just go to my office and I'll sort it out."

He kissed her on the cheek and went toward Gillian's office, as she headed in the opposite direction to his.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Emily was tired of being dismissed from the room when it came to the adults in her life. Her mom and dad had no problems blowing up in front of her when they were still married, but now they shooed her into another room. She figured that her mom finally found out about her dad and Gillian being together.

She flopped in her dad's chair and spun around to look out the window. When she saw the camera mounted in the parking lot, she got an idea.

'I'll find out what's going on…'

She moved the mouse to get the computer out of the screensaver and clicked the icon for the video surveillance. She scrolled through the cameras until she found the cameras in and outside of Gillian's office. She plugged in her earphones to the computer so she wouldn't tip off her dad. She sat back, rewound the video to catch up and watched her mom and Gillian arguing while her dad stood just outside the office.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Gillian allowed a small smirk to play at her lips.

"Look, Zoe…I've taken your shit for a long time without comment because your opinion and snide remarks aren't important to me. But I'll be damned if I'm going to sit here and listen to you spout innuendo, lies and attack me just because you can't handle your ex being with me."

"You know Cal only wanted you because he couldn't have you. He'll discard you when he gets bored, just like all his other sluts. He kept coming back to me, though. He _always_ came back to me."

Gillian shifted her posture…sitting straight, elbows on the desk and eyes staring down Cal's ex. She was tired of yielding to her and decided that she would stand her ground with Zoe.

"_Came_ back to you. As in _past tense_. We're together now and unlike you and Cal, he and I have an 18 year friendship as our foundation. We've seen each other at our worst and lowest points and still came through stronger than ever. You had a relationship built on sex and manipulation; of course it didn't last."

"You bitch!"

Gillian smirked and leaned back in her chair. She knew Zoe was on the defensive and scrambling to regain the upper hand she was so used to having. She knew Zoe never expected her to fight back after years of ignoring her. 'I should have done this years ago.'

"You knew, didn't you? All those years ago, you knew that there was a connection between Cal and I. That's why you pushed him into marrying you, isn't it?"

"That's absurd. He went after me."

The false indignation in Zoe's voice was unmistakable.

"Like hell he did. You were on him like a dog in heat. I was there…remember. Unlike Cal, however, I'm trained in physical science _and_ behavioral science. He couldn't see you for what you really were…a manipulative barracuda. He let you manipulate him emotionally over and over again and through the years it took its toll on him."

Gillian watched as Zoe paced in her office like a caged animal…anger swirling in her wake. She chose her words carefully. She knew that Cal and Emily would be up here soon and wanted to end this before they got back. Unfortunately, Zoe showed no signs of backing down.

"Look, let's just agree to disagree and end this before Emily and Cal get back. Nothing good is going to come of it."

"Agree to disagree?!? I don't think so. You've been after him from day one. Always fawning over him. Following him around like a stray. He didn't want you then and he'll tire of you now. You're nothing but a failure…your marriage failed, your adoption failed, you can't have children and you've spent nearly your entire post college career riding on Cal's coattails. You are a failure."

Gillian felt like she had been physically punched. Having lived through the experiences was bad, but having Cal's ex hurling her failures at her was worse. There was no masking this and she could tell by the smug look on Zoe's face that she knew her words hit home. She felt somewhat defeated and angry.

"Ok, Zoe. You want to put all the cards on the table, then let's do so."

Gillian got a faraway look and began speaking; more to herself than to Zoe.

"There's something that I've never told you or Cal, but you better sit down for this one. I don't understand why you hate me so much, even after all I've done to protect the three of you."

Gillian paused, gathering her thoughts and Zoe sat back looking at her with curiosity. Her anger temporarily muted by Gillian's last statement.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Cal stood outside Gillian's door and couldn't believe what he was hearing. He knew that Zoe disliked Gillian and was jealous of her, but never thought that she would be so hateful to her. As angry as he was at her, he was proud of Gillian for finally standing her ground with Zoe. All these years, Gillian took Zoe's bullshit without a word in her own defense. She always treated Zoe with a professional demeanor even though he knew that some of what Zoe has said had to get under her skin. Clenching his fists and his jaw, he wanted so badly to go in and defend Gillian against his ex's tirade.

Gillian's words got his attention and stopped him in his tracks.

'What hasn't she told me?'

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Emily sat looking dumbfounded at the computer screen. She couldn't believe what was going on before her eyes. Her mom went into Gillian's office looking for a fight and yet Gillian seemed so composed at first. She stood up to her mom, but her words didn't hold the hatred and malice that her mom's did. Even after her mom called Gillian a failure, Gillian still didn't retaliate with the vengeance she would expect from anyone being attacked like that.

Emily thought about Gillian's statement about protecting them as she watched her mom and dad both forget about their intentions at the moment, instead hanging on Gillian's words.

She always thought that her dad and Gillian would be good together, but when it finally came to pass she wasn't exactly thrilled by it. She supposed it was because she got used to having her dad to herself or maybe it was because she was jealous of the time that he and Gillian got to spend together at work. Seeing Gillian now, after having been attacked and belittled by her mom, she was beginning to understand what her dad saw in her. She was different than anyone else she knew. She didn't lash out when she got hurt. She didn't defend herself by attacking others. She was nothing like her mother.

She sat forward in the chair, waiting to see what Gillian would say.

tbc


	8. Chapter 8: Leverage

AN: Hello readers. Thank you for continuing on this journey with me. It has taken on a life of its own. :) For those who have taken the time to leave a review, a special thanks! This chapter practically wrote itself, so I thought I would share it now instead of waiting. I'm interested to see what you think of Gillian's confession. Did you see it coming or was it a surprise? As always, all mistakes are mine and I own nothing. On with the story!

Ch 8: Leverage

Somewhere in the deep recesses of her mind, Gillian knew that she shouldn't be talking about this. She had compartmentalized this portion of her life to protect Cal's family and buried it. Unbeknownst to him and everyone else around them, she was far more adept at hiding herself away from others than anyone gave her credit for. She was a master who could even teach Cal a thing or two.

For Gillian, the way to accomplish this was twofold. The first part was to keep her tells from the average person, but make them obvious enough for the trained observer to pick up on. The second and much more difficult part was to keep most of her life so open that the observer would assume they knew everything important to know about her. With Cal as her number one observer, this was a far more challenging task than she had ever anticipated. Even if she did slip here and there with her body language, isolating this information and never speaking of it allowed the slips to appear to be just part of the mystery of her private thoughts.

She sighed deeply and began her story…

"When Emily was around three or four years old and our business was just starting to take off, but was still in your house I signed for a package at the door. I really didn't look at it, as it came with other things for the company, and I opened it among the other mail. I found a letter inside from Robert James Weston, attached to another envelope."

She looked up at Zoe, waiting for a snide comment or a denial. Instead the color had drained from her face and she had the look of someone who is being haunted by their past. Gillian gave her a look of sympathy, knowing that everything for each one of them would change dramatically after today.

"Robert, or RJ as he liked to be called, explained in the letter that he did some investigating to find out what happened to you after the weekend you spent together a few years back. When he found out that you were still married and had a daughter, he did the math and became furious that you never told him he might be the father of your child. He decided that he would blackmail you with the pictures he had of the second night you spent together. I opened the envelope. I had to see the pictures to find out whether he had leverage or not. When I saw that they were clearly of you and him together, I immediately took them to my house and contacted RJ."

Gillian watched with pity as Zoe sat there in a state of shock. She probably thought that her transgression was long buried and would never come to light. She really didn't want to do this, but she was so tired of carrying around this burden and all the guilt and negativity associated with it. She wanted Zoe to know. She wanted to be free of this; it was getting to be too much. It was too much. How could she ever pursue a relationship with Cal and have this on her conscience?

"How? How did you keep him from coming after me?"

Gillian looked up, surprised by the lack of any defensiveness from Zoe.

"It was not an easy task. I had to put everything I've ever learned in my profession and my life to the test. I met with him several times in the following weeks and running a fine line between harmless flirtation and subtle needling, I was able to renegotiate the deal. The first thing I had to do was convince him that if you truly believed that the child was his, you would have told him. That was difficult because I really didn't know if that was the case at all and everything hinged on him believing that fact. Once I was able to do that, I then explained to him that you two had a solid marriage and that you both adored your daughter and were raising her to be a wonderful child. That was easier, since I had access to photos and home movies and such. Since you and Cal were still getting along most of the time, it was easy. I had kept in touch with him several times a year to update him on Emily's progress. He was quite upset when you finally divorced Cal. I was running myself ragged trying to keep RJ at bay and keep Cal from poisoning himself to death with the alcohol and depression."

Gill put her fingers to her temples and rubbed at the headache settling in.

"What happened to RJ? Do you still see him?"

"RJ passed away last year after a long battle with cancer. He was in remission when he first went looking for you."

"Why didn't you just let him go after me? It would have been the perfect opportunity for you to be with Cal after everything fell apart."

"Even now, you still don't get it do you?

Gillian shook her head and sat back rolling her head to look at the ceiling in exasperation.

"I loved Cal. Deep down, I loved Cal from the first day I met him. It was later that I fell in love with him, but I felt a bond with him immediately. When you truly love someone Zoe, you want them to be happy regardless of the conditions that bring about happiness for them. I love him and I love Emily as if she is the daughter I'll never be able to have and I'd be damned if I was going to let that selfish asshole destroy your happiness on a maybe. If that meant preserving you and your reputation in the process…so be it."

Gillian pulled a chocolate pudding and plastic spoon out of her drawer. She held them out to Zoe, but she didn't take them. She needed something to calm her nerves and help keep her composure. For Cal that something is liquor. For Gillian, chocolate is the salve she needs. She pried off the lid, tossed it in the trash and took a spoonful, savoring the flavor before she continued.

"I put everything on the line…my relationship with Cal, my relationship with Emily, my career, my sanity, everything Zoe, just so you three wouldn't be subjected to this. Unfortunately, as hard as I tried, I could never make it disappear. The specter of doubt was always near. The weight of the guilt and sadness I've always carried with me and I had to learn how to mask that as well. Everyone always thought my sweet tooth was an eccentricity, but in reality it is how I cope when the burden starts weighing me down too much. "

"God, Gillian. I had no idea."

It was odd for her and Zoe to be having a conversation like this. Most of their interaction was filled with false pleasantries and/or snide remarks. She took another spoonful and asked one of the questions she wanted an answer to for many years while she had the opportunity.

"Do you know for sure that Emily is Cal's?"

Gillian watched as silent tears fell from Zoe's eyes.

"I know that she is Cal's heart and soul, but no. I don't know for sure."

Gillian's heart broke for this woman who had been a thorn in her side for so many years. It broke for Cal and Emily who would have to be told. Gillian's own silent tears fell for the pain and suffering they would all endure from a mistake committed so long ago. 48 hours was all it took to cast a shadow that lingers nearly 20 years later.

"Look…I know that I should have just left well enough alone and kept this hidden."

"No, Gillian. You should have never had to deal with my mess. It would've come up sooner or later. Medical problems, blood types when she finally starts donating blood; something along those lines would have happened. For what it's worth, I've misjudged you."

Gillian noted that Zoe's words stopped short of an apology; something she supposed she would never get from Zoe. She finished off the pudding and watched as Zoe started to leave and turned toward the door. Zoe stopped in her tracks as she came face to face with Cal.

tbc


	9. Chapter 9: Turbulence

AN: Greetings and Salutations! (quote from the movie Demolition Man) Thanks as always for the feedback on the story. I'm glad that I was able to surprise you with my evil little plot twist. This chapter is longer than most because I couldn't decide where to split it, so instead of making it 3 smaller chapters I opted for 1 bigger one. Thoughts are in single quotes and overheard dialogue is in bold italics. LTM isn't mine (BOOOOO! ), but any mistakes are. Zoe's out of the picture for a while after this chapter, but Cal and Gill still have to hash things out. With proper incentive, I should have the next installment out sometime this weekend. ;o)

Ch 9: Turbulence

Emily stared at the screen and started to pace, pulling the earbuds from her ears. She was stunned. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't breathe. A sob was caught in her throat and her knees buckled. Her world was coming apart and a thousand questions ran through her mind. Would her dad still love her? Would it matter to him is she wasn't his? Who really is her father? Does she look like her dad? Was the man who was dead her father? Why would she find out now when the other man is dead? Will dad and Gillian survive this? Would dad kill mom? Will he still let me call him dad?

She held her chest and tried to breathe. She felt like crawling into a hole and pretending this day never happened. She knew that her mom and dad were fixing to explode on each other. She couldn't take it. She went back to the computer and turned off the monitor. She turned down the speakers and grabbed her earbuds. She didn't know where she would end up, but she didn't want to go home with either one of them. Her mom would be trying to explain everything and blame Gillian for interfering; not knowing that she already heard the truth from Gillian. Her dad would be getting drunk with a bottle of scotch, shutting everyone out. She put them in her ears and plugged her iPod in, turned it up and curled up on her dad's couch - fighting back tears and feeling alone.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Gill's silence made Cal's stomach turn. He knew her so well. Other than the most intimate thoughts and obscure details from her youth, Cal knew everything about Gillian. He thought he did anyway. What was she hiding and how long had she been hiding it for? There's no way she could hide something from him. He could read her like a book.

He stopped moving in the corridor as Gillian started speaking again. 'Robert James Weston? Doesn't ring a bell.' Cal frowned. What was she talking about?

"…_**he might be the father of your child."**_

Cal felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. He slumped to the floor, stunned. How could he not be Em's dad? How in the hell did the two most important women in his life both hide this from him? What in the bloody hell is going on today?

He sat there in silence, listening to various words breeze through the air making sense of none of them. Of all the things he has gone through, nothing has compared to this. His whole life with Zoe was based on a lie and Gillian perpetuated it. 'Bloody hell.'

Cal picked himself up off the floor with the weight of the world on his shoulders and anger boiling its way to the surface. He listened to the two women in Gillian's office. It was one of the few times he heard them speaking without tension.

"_**For what it's worth, I've misjudged you."**_

He heard Zoe's final words and decided it was time to make his presence known. He walked in the office and stopped Zoe in her tracks.

He stood before her, staring at her with utter disdain.

"You."

He grimaced. Looking at her made him physically ill.

"Get the _fuck_ out of my building."

"Cal, please...just listen for a minute."

Cal couldn't believe his ears. She was already trying to manipulate the situation. How had he not seen this side of her before?

"You've had 18 years to talk, Zoe. GET OUT!"

Disgusted, he took Zoe by the elbow and started dragging her to the door. She wrenched her arm away from him and snapped back into full bitch mode.

"Now wait just a minute…you're gonna kick me out and not say a word to _HER_??? You've got to be kidding me."

"What? You're delusional, you know that? You're bloody delusional. You fucked around just a year into our marriage, hid it from me, knew that Em…that she…"

Cal's stomach churned. He couldn't bring himself to even voice the possibility that Emily isn't his biological child.

"and you're trying to shift the focus off of you and onto Gillian? Unbelievable."

He shifted his weight, unconsciously moving back from her. Cal had always been the type to invade one's personal space, but he felt repulsed by Zoe. He didn't want to be near her and he certainly didn't want her here.

"Oh and you're such a fucking martyr, Cal. You might as well have been fucking her from day one. She's always been a wrench in our relationship."

"Oi! Wait just a minute. You know good and damn well I've been nothing but faithful to you as long as we were together. I ain't bloody perfect, but I was _never_ unfaithful to you. NEVER! Would you just leave already?"

"And miss the fireworks. I want a front row seat for the show when you have a go at her."

"What I say or don't say to Gillian is none of your concern. You're damn lucky she covered your ass this long. Three things are going to happen starting tonight and I don't want to hear another word out of your mouth or I will call the authorities and tell them you're trespassing."

Cal saw her open her mouth. He pointed his finger at her, tilted his head and gave her the look. He continued when she stifled her words.

"One. Emily is going to stay with me for the next couple weeks. You can call her, but don't tell her any of this until you and I discuss everything first. _We'll_ tell her together. Two. You will stay away from Gillian. My home, our workplace and her home are off limits to you. Don't call her. Don't follow her. Don't have her shadowed or I will take you to court for full custody of Emily. Gillian has put up with far too much and has taken more than enough of your shit for a lifetime. Three. Stay away from Emily until it is time to tell her. Give us some space."

"What will I say to her about this?"

"I dunno…make something up. You're good at that."

"You want me to lie to her?"

"Are you kidding me? You've fucking lied to both of us for the better part of 20 years. I don't think this one will matter much in comparison. Goodbye."

Cal opened the door and fought the urge to push Zoe through it. She left finally. His head was pounding and his stomach was churning. He flopped on the couch after locking up, not quite ready to face Gillian or Emily yet.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Gillian threw away the pudding cup and snapped her head up when she heard Zoe stop. One look at Cal was enough to tell her that he overheard their conversation. That was the last thing she wanted to happen. 'Damn it. I told Zoe to drop this. I never should have said anything knowing that Cal and Emily were…'

Gillian's stomach flipped. Where was Emily and how much did she hear? Guilt and shame washed over her as she heard Cal and Zoe in the lobby yelling at each other. She looked up and saw the red light on her office camera. She knew that Emily knew how to work the system and knew Cal well enough to know that he would send Emily to his office.

Gillian slipped out of her office and quietly made her way to Cal's. If Emily did know, her parents certainly weren't in any condition to talk to her or help her. She gently knocked on the door and opened it, looking toward his desk first. Seeing Emily's things strewn on the desk, her eyes moved around the room until she saw Emily curled up on Cal's couch sobbing.

Her heart broke. This was what she was trying to protect them from, but again she failed miserably. Doubt started to creep in and she second guessed her actions over the years. Would it have been easier for them to deal with this when Emily was younger? Should she have gotten involved at all? Knowing she can't change anything now, her focus turned to the beautiful young lady before her.

Hearing the music coming from her iPod, Gillian approached Emily and put her hand on her shoulder trying unsuccessfully not to startle her. Emily shrugged off her touch assuming it was her dad. She finally took out her earbuds and sat up when she felt someone sit on the couch next to her.

"Em, I'm so, so sorry."

Gillian was taken aback when Emily thrust herself into her arms and began sobbing in earnest. Tears streamed down her face as she held on to Cal's daughter, comforting her as best she could. She stroked Emily's hair and rocked her, whispering to her about how much Cal loved her and that nothing would ever come between the bond she shared with her father.

Emily gradually calmed down in Gillian's arms and she let Gillian get both of them some tissue and cool rags from the bathroom.

"Gillian, I saw everything."

Emily's eyes were focused on her hands in her lap. Her voice was barely above a whisper and it tore at Gillian's heart to see her in this state.

"I know sweetie. I'm sorry that you had to find out that way. I never should have had that conversa…"

"Don't. It's not your fault."

Emily paused and looked at Gillian. She sensed that Emily had more to say so she took Emily's hands in hers and maintained eye contact with her. She would continue when she was ready.

"I'm…well, I'm sorta glad that it worked out this way. At least I know directly from you what happened before my mom twisted it. I'm sorry that she was so mean to you."

"You don't have to apologize for your mom's behavior toward me, but thank you. That has nothing to do with you. Sometimes adults don't want to take responsibility for their actions, so they lash out at others."

"Yeah, I guess. But you don't do that. You're different."

Gillian smiled. Emily was very observant, always had been.

"I'm not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination. I try my best not to hurt people and part of that is trying not to react in the moment. It takes some practice and often times great effort to hold back. It can be very hard not to say what is going through your mind."

Emily let out a small laugh.

"I know. I soooo wanted to tell my teacher she was being a total witch today."

Gillian smiled. Emily in some ways was so mature for her age, but just a normal teenager in others.

"Are you ready to go find your dad?"

"Not just yet…will you sit here with me? I don't want to be alone when he finds out I saw the whole thing on his computer."

"Of course I will. He knows where you are, right?"

"Yeah, he sent me in here."

"Ok, how about giving me one side of your earbuds and you letting me listen to the latest and greatest music you've found?"

Gillian smiled a bit as Emily settled in next to her and handed her the bud, while they waited for Cal to make his way back to his office.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Cal felt like he had been through the wringer. He was so conflicted over everything. His marriage was tainted by lies. He didn't even know how to feel about Gillian's part in all this. Quite frankly, he tuned everything out after hearing those awful words. He would go back to the tapes, but not now…

'Emily…' Snapping out of his stupor at the thought of her, Cal sat up and went to the computer at the reception desk. He brought up the video to check on where Emily was. He backed the videos up to the time that he left Gillian's office and watched as guilt and shame washed over Gillian's face. He leaned forward tracking her on the different cameras as she made her way to his office.

Cal saw Emily on his couch as Gillian entered the room and thought nothing of it. He figured she was bored and decided to lie down for a while. His was shocked to see her shrug away from Gillian's touch and then a moment later launch herself into her arms crying.

'No, no, no….please.' Cal felt his stomach turn again as he took the video back to when Emily first went to his office. His fears were confirmed as he watched her watching the video of him, Zoe and Gillian. He skipped to Emily's reaction to what was said and turned up the volume. He had to know Emily's mindset as much as this felt like an invasion of hers and Gillian's privacy, not to mention their rule about the cameras. 'I have to know.'

He watched his daughter fall apart and tears stung his eyes. He kept his eyes on her, reading her emotions and gauging her reaction. He sighed as she shut everything out and curled up on the couch. She looked so fragile and alone. Guilt began to rise to the surface. He should have let Gillian deal with Zoe and went to Emily right away. He should have known that she would bring up the cameras to find out what was going on after being sent away. It certainly wasn't the first time that she had done that.

He skipped ahead to where he left off with Em and Gillian. Hesitating, he paused the video. He was so angry at Gillian that he didn't want to look at her or hear her voice. And yet she was the only one to go looking for Emily, almost as if she had figured out what Emily had done before she went looking for her. That would certainly explain the guilt and why Gillian looked into her camera before going to his office.

Steeling himself against his conflicted emotions, he let the video continue to play. His eyes bounced between the two of them. He had to admit that as angry as he was at Gillian, he was grateful that she was there to comfort her and reassure her of his love for his daughter. How could she do something so deceitful and yet be a bloody saint at the same time? A ghost of a smile played at his lips as Emily revealed that she would rather have heard the news from Gillian as it were and apologized for Zoe's nastiness. She has always had a special bond with Gillian and Em was right; Gillian was different than anyone else he knew.

He closed the program and stood up with a sigh. He was exhausted and emotionally spent, but he still had to go talk to his daughter and she had latched onto Gillian. He shuffled through the halls to his office and stood in the doorway watching them. There was a hint of sadness in both pairs of eyes and that pained him.

"Hey, Em..."

tbc


	10. Chapter 10: Unmasked

Ch 10: Unmasked

AN: Thanks to those of you hanging with me on the story and that took time to review. :) I rewrote this section 3 times before I was happy with the outcome, which is part of why it took so long to post. The other factor in the equation was a nasty cold that sidelined me for a week. Now that I can function normally again, I've reviewed this chapter and am OK with it now. Look for Cal to confront Gillian in the next chapter...

* * *

"Hey, Em."

Emily looked up and met her dad's eyes. She frowned and grasped Gillian's hand. She knew that her dad knew she watched the video. There was no mask hiding his emotions…the vault was open. Sadness and pain weighed heavily upon him. She didn't see it, but she knew him well enough to know the anger and betrayal were there as well.

"Would you give me and Em a few minutes, please?"

She clutched Gillian's hand and saw Cal's eyes flick to their hands. She saw the anger followed by confusion.

"Of course."

Emily watched the interaction between them. Gillian kept her eyes down as she rose to leave and turned to her. Gillian leaned down and whispered to her.

"Your dad loves you more than anything in this world. Always remember that."

Emily nodded and watched as Gillian walked toward the door. She reached out to touch Cal's arm and hesitated a moment, meeting his eyes. Emily held her breath, unsure of what his reaction would be. Her hand rested on his arm briefly as she spoke.

"I'm going to head home. When you're ready…"

The words hung in the air and Emily didn't know what to do. She didn't want Gillian to leave, but she didn't want to anger her dad any further. She was shocked to see him put his hand over Gillian's.

"Please don't go just yet. I… well, give me a few minutes, yeah?"

"Sure."

The silence was deafening and there was awkwardness between them as they looked at one another. After a few moments, Gillian left quietly, clearly as burdened as her dad was.

"You saw the video, then?"

"Uh…yeah. I'm sorry, D…"

She hesitated before saying dad out loud. She saw his questioning look.

"Umm… Is it okay if I still call you Dad?"

Her voice wavered despite her efforts to put on a brave front.

"Of course you can, love. Come here."

Tears filled her eyes as she felt his arms encircled her.

"None of this changes how I feel about you Emily. Blood or not, you're my daughter and I love you more than anything else in this world."

The awkwardness dissipated. He still loved her and that was all she needed. After a few moments, she gently pulled out of his embrace and smiled, wiping her eyes. She flopped down in his chair and he mirrored her actions in the chair opposite his desk.

"You're angry with Gillian, aren't you?"

"Yeah, love. She and your mum have lied to us for a long time, Em. I thought I knew her better than she knew herself. I never thought she could be hurtful or deceitful like that."

"But Dad…"

"No, love. I trusted Gillian more than anyone else, even Zoe. She lied to me, Em. About who she was, about Zoe and what she did. I can't believe I never caught on…"

Her dad's openness was a rare occurrence. She watched as the emotions danced across his face.

"I'm okay with you and Gillian together."

She saw his eyes move from the window to refocus on her.

"Where did that come from?"

"I was jealous that you'd be spending even more time with her. I was afraid that I'd get less time with you."

"I'd never put anyone in front of you, love, nor would Gillian…well I don't think…"

"Dad, stop! Hear me out."

He finally nodded and she continued.

"You didn't hear all of what Gillian said. I saw you. You tuned everything out. Watch the video, Dad. Listen to her words. Watch her. Watch mom's reaction to her. Then ask yourself, if you were married to someone else and my Mom had the same information that Gillian had - what do you think Mom would've done?"

"I dunno…"

"Promise me you will, Dad. For her sake and yours."

"Em…"

"Promise me you'll look at the video.

"Alright, alright. You win. I'll look at it tomorrow."

"No, Dad. Tonight. It has to be tonight. You asked her to wait…watch the video, then talk to her."

"She's not gonna wait for all that."

"I'll go to her office. You go watch the video."

"But Em…"

"GO!"

Cal sighed and watched his daughter leave the room. She has grown up so fast and it was times like this that he wished he could shield her from all the bad things in the world. She was still his daughter, but also found that he confided in her at times and she wasn't shy about sharing her opinion.

He sighed and headed to the video room. If he was going to do this, he was going to do it right…full screen to see her expressions, headphones to be able to hear the slightest inflections in her voice, and no interruptions. His thoughts were on Gillian as he donned the headphones and sought the feed from earlier in the day. He was so drained, he felt like he was running on autopilot. Perhaps this was the best time for him to watch is, as he was calm at the moment. Bracing himself for what was coming; he stood in front of the screen and hit play on the remote.

He started the video at the beginning when Zoe left his office and went to Gillian's. Over the years, Cal saw many exchanges between his ex and his partner. Never had he seen Gillian react to her with this much confidence or assertiveness. She had always been non-confrontational and let things slide. He assumed it was their new intimacy that had altered Gillian's reaction to Zoe, somehow giving her a justification to stand her ground instead of yielding to her.

He couldn't help but wince at Zoe's shrill tone. Too many times he'd been on the receiving end of her tirades. He watched Gillian's face for any indication of deception and found none. She took on Zoe and managed to get the upper hand. He found himself smirking as Gillian leaned back in her chair quite satisfied with herself.

"_**Look, let's just agree to disagree and end this before Emily and Cal get back. Nothing good is going to come of it."**_

He paused the video and rewound it, searching Gillian's face. No deceit, but there was love and anger. He also recognized her protective tone. He knew that well, especially after the hostage incident. He rewound it and let her words play again. Her words were sincere. She didn't want to go any further with Zoe in the conversation, presumably because she knew that she was at a breaking point. He heard the concern in her voice for Emily and him, conscious of what the consequences would be for all of them. She wanted it to stop, but Zoe was having none of it. She was a keen predator and viewing Gillian's concern as weakness, she went for the kill.

Cal's whole body tensed as he listened to Zoe rip her apart. He rewound the video again, this time focusing on Gillian instead of the hateful words being hurled at her. He saw the hurt and the shame on Gillian's face, studying her as she completely disconnected from the situation. He'd never seen that look on her face and rewound the video to watch her again. She was the same person, yet somehow she looked different. He couldn't put his finger on what was different about her, but he now knew that this was the Gillian that was hidden from view. This was the entirety of her, not just the part of her she wanted the world to see.

He watched her speak the words that changed all their lives. The words caught both him and Zoe off guard. It was like the world stopped while they were waiting to hear what Gillian had to say. Her voice had changed when she spoke about protecting them, which became more apparent as she began to tell her story. The changes he saw and heard from her would be barely noticeable to the average person, but to him they were evident as soon she revealed them. She was more precise in her movements, pronunciation and choice of words. It reminded him of the upper ranks in the military where the officers had to be organized, clear, efficient and proper. He had always known her to be professional and organized, but it always appeared to be effortless for her. He felt resentment creeping up on him as he saw the true version of Gillian unfold before his eyes.

The video showed a more intense and purposeful Gillian, which unnerved and captivated him at the same time. He marveled at the genuine sympathy she had for Zoe, even after all the harsh words hurled at her just a few moments ago. 'Em was spot on…Gillian is much different than Zoe. She's in a class all her own.' On the screen, Gillian continued the story without hesitation and he was shocked again. Not only was his parental status in question, but Zoe had spent not one, but two nights with him _and_ there were pictures.

Now that Cal realized that there was no malice in Gillian's actions, he sat down and just listened to the story. He was amazed at Zoe's neutral and almost grateful posture toward Gillian and how quickly she had began spewing venom after she left the office. What really floored him, though, was Gillian's secret and the elaborate lengths she went to in order to protect him and Emily. He couldn't wrap his head around how she was able to do it for so long. It was one thing to hide something like this from an ordinary person, but she managed to hide it from the one person specially trained to be able to detect hidden secrets. Sure, Zoe hid her own dirty little secret. But he had blinders on when it came to her as Gillian helped him to see. He didn't want to see it. Gillian, on the other hand, he had scrutinized almost continually. He did when she knew that he was reading her and sometimes when she was unaware of him observing her. Occasionally, he watched video of her to test himself and to learn more about her. He always had been captivated by her and thought that he was an expert on Gillian Foster. Now he knew that he had failed miserably at reading her. She had always been in control of what he learned about her from the start of this mess and she never let her guard down around him or the office.

'Damn. She's the best I've ever encountered.'

He had always prided himself on his record, yet here sat a huge secret right under his nose and he was clueless. Gillian Foster spent most of their friendship sacrificing herself for his benefit, for his happiness. He thought about their friendship and all she'd done in comparison to what he did for her in return. He got drunk, rarely came to her defense when Zoe put her down, flaunted his women in front of her and countless other selfish things. The one he was most ashamed of was how he treated her when Terry came back. She staged an "intervention" in her words and instead of meeting her halfway, he lashed out at her and dismissed her efforts and friendship. 'I'm a bloody idiot.' He listened as Zoe actually took responsibility for her actions for a whopping 10 minutes. 'That's got to be a new record for her.'

Cal took the headphones off and leaned back in the chair. Though he still felt angry and betrayed by them both, he knew that he shouldn't be harboring these feelings toward Gillian. He'd often thought that she was a saint for putting up with him and Zoe, always standing up for him. Now that he knew the extent to which she had gone to protect them, the only question left to answer was why. Sure Gillian told Zoe that she loved him, but he knew there was more to it.

He looked at his watch and hoped that Emily was able to keep her occupied so she wouldn't leave. He had asked her to stay and normally that was enough, but after today he feared she might leave. He got to his feet, turned the equipment off and tossed the remote on the table. He shut the lights and made his way to Gillian's office.

tbc.


	11. Chapter 11: Uncertainty

AN: Hello reader…I've been away for a while. I had some remodeling to finish and needed a definite recharge from the show. I love the new shows so far and have posted 11 and 12 since I've been away for so long. Chapter 12 does hold the beginning of Cal and Gillian's confrontation. Thanks for coming back :o)

Disclaimer still holds true.

Chapter 11: Uncertainty

Emily rushed down the corridor to Gillian's office hoping that she was still there. She knew that it had been a long day for all of them, but she imagined that the toll of the events had been worse for Gillian. She wouldn't blame her for wanting to escape the office and try to put the day behind her, but she hoped the loyalty she had to her dad would keep her here.

Slightly out of breath, Emily bounded through the door and stopped in her tracks when she saw Gillian staring out the window, oblivious to what was going on around her.

"Uh, Gill?"

Emily raised her voice a little when Gillian didn't respond.

"Gillian?"

Emily smiled when Gillian turned to her with a half eaten candy bar in her hand.

"Needed a fix, huh?"

"Sure did...want some?"

"Yeah."

Emily pulled the chair around the desk and sat next to Gillian, taking a bite of the chocolate Gillian gave her. For a long time, they both sat there quietly enjoying the treat and the comfortable silence between them. Emily was mesmerized by the twinkling lights of the city, but soon found that her mind was not content with the silence. She turned to look at Gillian who seemed emotionally exhausted.

"You okay?"

"Yeah..."

Emily knew better and gave Gillian a look that said as much.

"No, Em. Not really. But I will be. I think we all just need some time to adjust to everything, especially you and your parents."

Emily frowned as Gillian sighed. She sounded so defeated.

"I um, I really don't know what to think about all this. We don't even know for sure that my Dad is my Dad. "

"I know kiddo, but no matter what the results of a test turn out to be I _know_ that Cal will still love you with all his heart and soul. You two have a bond forged in love. _Nothing_ will change that Emily."

"You say that now and he says that, but neither of you can know how he will feel when faced with test results."

Cal approached Gill's office and heard his daughter talking to her. He paused in the doorway, not wanting to interrupt them and yet not wanting to eavesdrop on anymore of Gillian's conversations not knowing what other revelations they might hold.

Deciding that there couldn't possibly be anything worse than what he already found out, he leaned in the doorway and waited for them to become aware of his presence on their own. He frowned as Emily once again voiced her doubts and almost said something, but he wanted to hear what Gillian would say.

"Look, I have held this secret for a long time Emily. Do you know why I kept this all a secret?"

"You said it was because you loved my Dad and didn't want anything to jeopardize his happiness."

Cal, still unnoticed by Gillian and Emily, smiled when Emily said 'my Dad' when referring to him. Even though she had doubts, she still clung to their bond. He didn't tell her, but he had the same doubts that she felt. Would she still want to call him Dad if he was proven not to be her biological father? Would she eventually stop loving him as a father? Would their relationship fall apart? He wanted to know what Gillian would say to Emily out of curiosity. Deep down, though, he wanted the same reassurance she would give Emily. Gillian knew them better than anyone else and he needed to know what she thought. Cal mused at the irony of wanting reassurance from the very person that threw his whole world off kilter as he waited once again for Gillian's words.

"Essentially, that is true...but there's more to it than that. I did it also to protect you."

Emily nodded as Gillian paused and made eye contact with her.

"When I intercepted the package and saw the truth of what your mother did before me, my first thought and instinct was to protect you from the situation. If I brought it to your mom, she probably would have hidden it from Cal as long as she could. If I brought it to your Dad, he probably would have killed the guy and ended up in jail.

Either way, you would have suffered the fallout. So, in order to protect you and your father, I figured I would at least investigate the matter before I brought it to either of them. When I found out RJ's situation and the measures they both took to keep her from getting pregnant, I figured that the odds were good enough that you were Cal's and I didn't want your family torn apart over a maybe. I never had the connections to get a paternity test without your dad knowing, so I kept RJ appeased and your mom's secret. That way, they would continue to raise you together and you would grow up with two parents who adored you and each other.

Of course I didn't know how things would turn out, but I would do it again to spare you the pain of a divorce at such a young age. I love you as if you were my own child, Emily, and that's how I can be 110% certain that your dad will love you forever and that nothing will change that - not a blood test, not something bad that you do and nothing your mother does will ever change that fact.

I'm so sorry, Em, that you have to be subjected to this by me and your mother. I don't know that what I did was the right thing for you or your mom and dad, but I want you to know that my intentions were only to protect you and your dad. I didn't want anyone to get hurt and in turn I ended up hurting everyone involved, including RJ."

Emily watched as Gillian got up and moved to the window. Not sure what to do or say, Emily got up and went to Gillian. She tucked herself under Gillian's arm and held onto the woman who had become such an important person in her life. Amongst the brooding, yelling and chaos of her parents during the demise of their marriage, Gillian had become a safe harbor for her.

Cal frowned as Emily left and he saw Gillian sobbing quietly at the window. He hated it when women cried, but it was always worse when it was someone he loved.

He walked over to her and put his hands on her shoulders to alert her to his presence. She stiffened briefly until he turned her around pulled her into his embrace.

He held on to her as she lost control of her emotions and wept. He whispered to her and tried to calm her down. She kept apologizing and saying things that he couldn't understand because she was so upset.

"Gillian, look at me. Come on, love..."

He was getting no response from her.

"GILL!"

Her eyes snapped to his at his raised voice.

"Gillian, you've got to calm down. Go freshen up, then come back so we can talk."

He saw the uncertainty in her eyes.

"Well get through this, but we have to talk about it. Now go on and freshen up...you'll feel better."

Cal flopped into her office chair and propped his feet on the table. 'This has to be the longest day in recorded history.' He rubbed his face and yawned while he waited for Gillian to return. He still had mixed feelings about what she had done, but he still loved her in spite of everything.


	12. Chapter 12: Torn

AN: I'm back on track with the story and should be posting once a week since I'm working 4 10 hr days during the summer. Cal is having a hard time with all the conflicting emotions…things might get a bit rocky for our couple…or they might not. Thanks for reading! :o)

Chapter 12: Torn

Cal had his head tilted to the side and watched as Gillian entered the room with her heels dangling from her fingers and her posture relaxed. Watching her slowly enter the office, it struck him how much smaller and more vulnerable Gillian seemed tonight. He couldn't ever remember her being in such a state. Not even the night that she had come apart in his arms and the whole nature of their relationship changed. That night she still had the inner strength that seemed to have vanished from her as she ambled past him. She let her heels drop near the side of her desk and stared out the window for some time. He dropped his feet from the desk and shifted around to watch her.

Finally, she turned and faced him. Her eyes were still glassy and red; her makeup was washed away, showing the small imperfections a good cry will leave behind. His heart broke for her and his mind raged over the truths revealed, yet she had never looked more beautiful to him than she looked at this moment. He knew in his soul that this was the true Gill. His Gill. The entirety of the woman that he had been in love with for so many years.

"Nice to meet you, love."

A smile played at the corner of his mouth as he flopped his head to the other side, changing his viewpoint. His eyes roamed over her face and then her body as he drank in the real Gillian Foster. He thirsted for her as a man in the desert thirsts for a single drop of water. He tried to study all of her at once - the slight shrug of her shoulder as she bore his scrutiny, the hint of a frown as her mind worked out what to say to him, the love radiating from her eyes with an intensity he had never felt from her before, and how she crossed her arms in front of her the way she did the night he showed up on her doorstep. His hazel eyes darted back and forth as he took in her presence.

"Enough, Cal. I'm not one of your studies."

His eyes shifted and locked on hers. His grin widened a bit.

"You are now, love. Like it or not."

She sighed and shook her head. He knew those gestures well and it was a comfort to him that there was truth in her mannerisms when she reacted to him. There was a foundation of truth between them, albeit a narrow one, and he hoped that would be enough to anchor them during this storm. This day had already dragged on forever and it was clear to him that she was not going to start the conversation tonight. The roles between them would be reversed. He was usually the one clammed up, leaving her to draw him out of his shell. He needed to get her talking again.

"Well, what a shitty day this turned out to be."

He watched her as she nodded, not saying a word. He bared his teeth.

"You're not going to make this easy for me, are you?"

She met his eyes and straightened up a bit.

"I don't want to hurt you anymore."

He studied her and found nothing to show deceit, but that gave him little comfort.

"Cal, we both know that you're not going to find what you are looking for. Stop reading me and listen to me. I'm done hiding from you. What you see is what you get."

Despite everything he felt for her, the anger was surfacing again and he was too tired to resist any more. He wanted answers and this is how he got them.

"You don't want to hurt me anymore? That's rich coming from you."

He watched her shrink again before him, but it didn't faze him.

"I find out today that my wife cheated on me, the bastard took photographs to blackmail her with, and Emily might not be my biological daughter. But that's not all. Oh no, it gets worse. My best friend. My partner. My lover. The one woman in my life I trusted with everything that means something to me is at the center of it all. You..."

The venom in his voice was not lost on Gillian. Cal stalked back and forth, stopping to point at her as he turned his wrath to her actions.

"You. I don't even know who you are. You're a bloody stranger to me. You betrayed me. You _lied _to me for years. To ME! And I didn't have a fucking clue."

Cal wasn't sure who he was angrier at - Gillian for hiding everything or himself for not seeing her lies and half truths. He turned back to her and got right up in her face, head tilted and teeth bared.

"What gave _you_ the right to make all those decisions in our lives? Tell lie after lie after lie? Did it even happen the way you said or were you and RJ an item? Did you push him to blackmail her to get to me? Did you fuck him too? I bet you two planned..."

"Don't you finish that sentence, Cal Lightman, or I'm out of here. Everything I did, _everything_, was out of love for you and Emily. You're angry and have every right to be. You could send me away and never speak to me again and I would deserve it."

Cal clenched his fists as Gillian got up in his face and started poking him in the chest, pushing him back into her desk.

"But you have no right, NO RIGHT to imply that I had anything to do with RJ's blackmailing Zoe or them getting together. You know what kind of person I am. Despite all the lengths I went to hiding this from the three of you, you of all people know that a leopard can't change its spots and a person can't completely mask the essence of who they are."

His breath caught in his chest as her fingers hovered over his lips. He was trembling from the anger and adrenaline surging in him. Her touch froze him in place and the sound of her voice sent a chill down his spine.

"You're angry. You lash out when you're angry; say hurtful, mean things. I've taken enough of yours and everyone else's shit over the years. I'm done. The next words out of your mouth will decide whether we work through this or not."

As her fingers dropped from his lips, he stared at her and felt conflicting emotions.

"Choose your next words carefully, Cal."

Something snapped inside of Cal at those words and his mouth took over.

"So that's it then? The controlling one has spoken again. Making more decisions for me?"

"No...You're free to choose. And I am free to choose not to be verbally abused by the irrational, paranoid ranting of a man blinded by rage, justified or not."

Cal paced before her, trying to get a grip on his emotions. He knew that he was on the verge of blowing what small chance they have to overcome what happened.

"Cal?"

He noticed the softness in her voice and it was soothing to him. He sat on the edge of her desk as she straightened out his shirt and pushed his hair out of his face.

"Do you honestly think that I had anything to do with Zoe and RJ getting together or blackmailing her?"

"Fuck if I know..."

He looked at her as she searched his eyes to find the truth. She moved to the desk, wrote a note on a piece of paper, folded it and handed it to him. Confused, he watched her exit the room without a word.

He flopped in the chair again and waited for her to return. He ignored the paper, leaned back letting his arms dangle and closed his eyes. After a few deep breaths he fell into a light sleep and the paper slipped from his grasp to the floor.


	13. Technical Difficulties

Technical Difficulties

Hello...I've just lost my next chapter off the iPhone when I deleted my old DocsToGo desktop before moving the files to the new folder after my Windows 7 upgrade. DOH! Long story short...I have to rewrite it this week. Sorry, sorry, sorry...I'm working on it now. This is a definite ding to my Technical Prowess LOL :)


	14. Chapter 13: Indecision

AN: Still don't own anything. My apologies for the delay in continuing this story. It was a bit difficult to find my muse, who went on strike with Cal treating Gill like shit in several episodes. Add to that some personal issues that came and went and you have the resulting dry spell. I rewrote the second half of this story several times and this is what felt right. Hopefully, it fits together nicely with the rest of the story as written. I reread it a couple times to get back in and make sure details match up. All mistakes are mine and will be fixed if/when I find them.

To those of you who have reviewed/alerted this story, thanks for the encouragement and constructive comments. It's always nice to know how the reader reacts to everything.

For the record, I had Gillian keeping a big secret from Cal before the show did… :)

Chapter 13: Indecision

In the cold, clinical light of the bathroom, Gillian stared at her reflection in the mirror. She saw everything in this harsh light - the wrinkles forming near her eyes, the blotchy skin that forms after a good cry, the frown tugging at the corners of her mouth and all the flaws that a mirror can't show. Things like her new found insecurity now that her deep dark secret is known, her uncertainty with regard to Cal, and her uneasiness as a professional who has no idea how to cope with the fallout of what has to be a one of a kind scenario. She has always prided herself on her ability to handle any situation, but she's never encountered or been personally involved in anything quite like this.

Gillian took a deep breath and looked for a moment longer at the woman in the mirror. For the first time in a long time, she was not confident in the decision she made.

Gillian knew that Cal wasn't an easy person to deal with when it came to emotional confrontations, but she also knew that she allowed him more leeway than she would allow anyone else. She was angry...at him for making those outrageous allegations, at Zoe for betraying Cal, at herself for a number of things, and at RJ for his blackmail scheme. All the anger in the world, however, was not going to help her straighten the chaos that was now her life. She had to find her way in a new world.

Gillian turned off the lights and padded down the hall to Cal's office. Her mind turned over the conversation turned fight that she and Cal had moments ago. It occurred to her that she could no longer take for granted her position in the Lightman Group or her role in Cal's personal life. As she leaned in the doorway watching Emily sleep, Gillian wondered how Emily would handle things if she was no longer a part of Cal's life. Emily was old enough to keep in touch with her if she chose to, but kids are greatly influenced by their parents. With both Cal and Zoe against her, Gillian knew that Emily would probably keep her distance out of loyalty to them both. She made a mental note to talk to Emily if her friendship with Cal ended, so that Emily wouldn't feel as if she had to choose sides. She sighed and made her way to her own office where she found Cal sleeping in her chair.

She noticed the note she left him on the floor and guessed that it was probably unread. Cal was exhausted and she knew that he would be out like a light as soon as he hit the chair. Cal was an equal opportunity sleeper and when he was this drained, he could sleep anywhere. She debated whether or not to wake him up and try to get them all home, fed and in bed for some much needed rest and recovery. Her clinical side told her that was the best thing for them and that it would be easier to start the healing process when they were all clear minded. Her emotional side wasn't so sure that moving beyond this mess would ever be possible.

The note she left him was post dated the customary two weeks a resignation would require because she couldn't bring herself to date it with today's date. She saw in his eyes that he doubted her denial of taking part in the scam with RJ and it hurt. She knew they didn't have a future, professional or personal, if he couldn't trust her not to have had a part in committing the blackmail. But she loved Cal with all her heart and didn't want to hurt him anymore or lose him after finally realizing her dream of a relationship with him. Even now Gillian wavered on whether to stay or leave. Finally, she reached a compromise and decided to leave them for the night, but to take the note with her and see how things with Cal would play out after some much needed rest and the light of a new day to lift her spirits.

Quietly, she padded across the room and grabbed her shoes and purse. She set them by the door tiptoed back across the room to grab the note. As she lifted it off the ground, she felt Cal's fingers around her wrist and the familiar tingle that his touch elicited.

"Where, exactly, do you think you're goin' love?"

His voice was low from sleep and his breath in her ear sent shivers down her spine. No one affected her like he did and he knew it. In her momentary loss of composure, Cal snatched the paper out of her hand and released his hold on her. He stood up and maneuvered himself between her and the door. He was telling her in his own way that she wasn't leaving unless it was on his terms. After all that transpired, she owed him that much at least.

"What in the bloody hell is this? You give it to me and walk out, and now you want it back?"

He got right up in her personal space and bared his teeth at her. He wanted an answer to his question and waved the paper around for effect.

Regaining what little composure she could muster, she regarded him with her best poker face. At her best, she could barely match his wit and mask herself. But she was definitely not at her best.

"Look. I'm too tired to play any games, so I'll just come out and say it. I was going to resign, but…"

He was certain she was still talking, but he didn't register anything after the word resign.

"Resign? You were going to resign? Just scratch a couple words on a paper and leave? Is that what the past 18 years boils down to…'I quit'? "

She looked at him and saw the anger, confusion and hurt on his face.

"Yeah. No. It's not like that."

She saw that her words weren't helping matters any, but she kept on trying to explain it anyway.

"That's not the point, Cal. Yes I was going to quit, but obviously, I've changed my mind. Now is not the time to make any decisions, much less one of such importance. I mean, that would change everything and we've come so far, but you don't trust me. You won't even give me the benefit of the doubt on this crazy accusation of yours. Not that I blame you completely."

She knew that she was rambling, but saw his anger starting to dissipate so she continued so that she could get it all out.

"But everything is so screwed up now and when you're hurt, you are terribly vicious. I can't believe you would even say such a thing. Sure I hid things from you and a lot of what I did was omitting stuff from your lives. I was an editor, I guess you'd say, but you have to know that every decision I made came from the same me that you knew before all this happened. You say I'm a stranger now, but you know me Cal. You know what motivates me. I'm not her, Cal. Nothing I did was selfish and you were never supposed to know."

She saw his shoulders slump down a bit as the confusion left, but the hurt lingered.

"I wanted to carry this to my grave without either of you having to know the truth of what she did. It was so hard to keep this elaborate web of omissions and deceptions straight. Even through the drama with Alec and Sophie, all the close calls with you at work, all the women paraded in front of me, I held it all together. I thought that it would change after RJ passed away, but the guilt became too much to bear when there was no longer an active threat to justify all that I hid from you both. Then all this happened between us and I thought that I could finally let it go."

"Why, then? Why did you finally tell Zoe everything?"

"I don't know. I guess it was because she was more nasty than usual. She threw everything at me, Cal. My failed marriage, my inability to conceive, my dependence on you, and the fact that you returned to her bed even after the divorce. She always hated me, always. I just wanted her to know once and for all that I was the one responsible for covering her ass. I wanted her to leave me alone. Unfortunately, I didn't listen to my gut instinct about not saying anything here…"

Her voice trailed off and her eyes drifted to the floor. She felt his fingers toying with hers. She looked up to see his warm hazel eyes regarding her.

"Please, Gill. Let's just grab some take out and go home."

"Ok…I'll see you guys later."

He cupped her cheek with his palm and planted a light kiss to her lips. She felt her eyes close as he softly lingered and dragged them open when she registered the lost contact.

"You are coming with Em and I. We all need to sort this out together. She obviously wants you with us, as she is the one who defended you. She made me watch the tapes of you and Zoe. I want you there too, Gill. Everything's all fucked up, I'll admit. But despite everything, I'm not ready to lose you."

Gillian felt the burn of tears forming as a small smile crept to the surface. She threw her arms around his neck causing him to stumble back a bit. She held him tight as she fought another round of tears down. It felt so right being in his arms and she clung to him until she realized he was talking to her.

"As much as I'm okay with staying here like this, I really want to get out of here."

She let go of him and looked away in embarrassment. She felt him turn her head back to meet his gaze.

"None of that, Gill. There's naught to be embarrassed about. I just want to leave this place behind for a while is all."

"Sure…let's get Em."

"OI…EM! LET'S GO!"

She cringed at the volume of his voice so close to her ear.

"Sorry…"

"It's okay, Cal. I have another ear to hear with."

She gathered her things as Emily came through the door, her impatience on display.

"Finally! You two are still here and alive, so I'm assuming at the very least a short term truce has been declared?"

"Lil' Miss Cheeky. Yeah, we're going home. We can take Gillian to get her things and car tomorrow."

Gillian smiled as Emily hugged Cal and whispered something to him. She knew that there was still a difficult road ahead and was uncertain whether she would part ways with them. Watching them, though, assured her that their bond would remain unbroken and that made it all worth it.

TBC…


	15. Chapter 14: Introspection

Author's Note: Hello and Happy Thanksgiving to all the USA folks out there. I spent my four days off with a cold, but it gave me some downtown to write. I have another short fic on the sidelines, but I'm going to finish that one completely before posting it as it is more than half done. Probably 3 chapters at the most.

This is a transitional chapter and will get our favorite dynamic duo down to the meat and potatoes of their relationship and where everything is headed.

Thanks for keeping up with this through the unscheduled hiatus…everything should be back on track now. :)

Chapter 14: Introspection

Cal awoke to light filtering in through the blinds. He rubbed his face and sat up on the edge of the bed as his thoughts wandered to the events of the past day. He wanted it all to be some fucked up nightmare created out of the twisted expanse of his mind, but there was no such luck. He remembered eating burgers and fries with Gillian and Emily, but not how he got up here and certainly not why he was by himself. He figured that Gillian probably left after he went to sleep out of some misguided notion that she shouldn't be in his bed with Em around yet or more likely that she didn't belong with things so fucked up between them.

"Bollocks!" He said to no one in particular.

He rubbed his face again and grabbed a shirt off the back of the chair, then flopped back on the bed. He didn't want to wake them just yet...they all needed the rest. If he was really being honest with himself, he wasn't quite ready to own up to the hurtful things he said to Gill or to face the distinct possibility that Em wasn't his in the light of day. He was dumbfounded that he never even suspected Zoe of the infidelity. Gillian had already brought him to the realization that Zoe had manipulated him from day 1 AG (After Gillian), but even then she never betrayed the secret she chose to keep.

He turned his head toward the window and watched the minute flecks of dust dance in the sunlight streaming in; his thoughts turning to Gillian. He recalled bits of what she said to him before they left...

_"Every decision I made came from the same me that you knew before all this happened. You say I'm a stranger now, but you know me Cal...I'm not her...You were never supposed to know..."_

He did know her. She was a breath of fresh air from all the people he had known in his life. Though it took him a while and many tests to actually do so, he knew he could trust her from day one. As Emily said, she is unlike anyone else they know and certainly a saint compared to Zoe. What became clear in retrospect is that what he saw as her growing eccentricities were, in fact, her coping mechanisms. While she made light of them and endured his merciless teasing over the years, they were masking the weight of the burden she carried.

What really hit him hard, though, was the fact that she did this first and foremost to protect Emily. This was before she found out she couldn't conceive, before his marriage showed the signs of the impending fallout and before she had any idea that he felt anything toward her, other than friendship. She loved his child as if she was her own and she sacrificed everything to try to shield Em from the same kind of tumultuous childhood he later learned that Gillian endured. She did this without anything to gain for herself and everything to lose. No one is that good or upright, yet the fact remains that she did it. What a terrible injustice to have a woman who sacrificed as only a mother could for a child that she had no claim to, yet she would never give birth to a child of her own. It just wasn't fair for her to be denied the very act that she was perfect for.

He thought of the video he watched and everything that Zoe hurled at her. The whole list was enough for her to shoulder on her own, but now that he knew the full extent of what she was going through, it's a wonder she didn't have a breakdown. Slowly, his mind began to play out all the times that he had hurt her over the years. The ways he would take advantage of her, bothering her at all hours of the night in drunken stupors, endless accusations of her smothering him, passing off the financial responsibilities to her yet berating her for how she handled them, parading his vapid sexual conquests in front of her... 'That bloody list could go on forever' he grumbled to himself. In the end, he was no better than Zoe in how he had treated her for so many years. There were times that she called him on it and he would humor her and muster up some sort of half-assed apology, but in hindsight it wasn't enough. There were times that he thought she would leave him finally and there were times he wished that she would leave him so that she didn't have to put up with his shit anymore. He knew that she deserved better from him, but she didn't seem to care.

Cal stretched and decided that it was time for him to make some decisions about him and Gillian. He was no longer angry at her and he finally realized that while she had pulled off the con of the century right under his nose, she had somehow been true to herself through it all. He could now understand why some of her reactions seemed out of the norm for what had actually happened since he discovered the additional stress she was accumulating and trying to cope with at the time. Even as recently as last night, she felt compelled to leave him and the company behind, which he found to be odd given that she had spent the better part of their friendship trying to keep it all in tact. But once again she stayed. She put her own feelings aside and he was quite certain that it was Emily she was thinking about first and foremost. God he loved her for that. For many other things as well, but her loving Em as her own melted his heart. She stayed...for Em and hopefully for him too.

He sat up again and decided that he would do anything to keep her from walking out of their lives, even get down on his knees and beg her to stay. He knew that he wasn't good enough for her, but thanked the cosmic strands of fate that she loved him and his daughter. Determined to fix things with her and make up for all the misery the three of them had put Gillian through, he made his way out of his room and peeked into Emily's.

"Hmmm. Not there."

He pulled the door shut and came downstairs to find the kitchen just as empty and quiet as Em's room. Quickly running out of hiding places to check, he went into the living room and felt relief wash over him as he observed the scene before him. Gillian and Emily were curled up next to each other on the couch with their legs propped up on the ottoman and covered in a couple of quilts sleeping soundly. It crossed his mind that she might have left during the night after talking to Em, but he was relieved to find that she didn't. He quietly settled in the recliner, studying them both.

His thoughts drifted to Em first. The first time he bottle fed her and she opened her eyes, full of curiosity and wonder. His heart melted every time she would wrap her tiny fingers around his first and pinky fingers and just study him while she emptied the contents of her bottle. He saw flashes of her as she grew up like a slide show – the way she opened her arms as she took her first steps toward him, the sniffles as she showed him her scraped knee after falling off her bike, the way she waved to him as she strode into school for the first time, and the way she tried to comfort him after the divorce. There were so many memories that flowed through his mind, despite the new knowledge that she might not be his. He thought about all the ways in which she was like him and wondered if that was merely his influence rather than his genes as he had always assumed. He shut down that train of thought. Enough of that. Em is my daughter, regardless of DNA.

Satisfied with that statement for the time being, he flopped his head to the other side and let his eyes roam over Gillian. She looked so calm and fragile, arm loosely holding Emily to her. None of the worry, sadness, or stress of the past day remained on her features. As his eyes moved over her, another slide show began to flow through his mind. The smile on her face the day he met her, the look of pride on her face when he asked her to be his partner, the toast they made in his kitchen when they closed their first case and the warmth on her face the first time that she held and cuddled his Em. There were so many happy moments, but they were interlaced with so many hardships as well. He began to see images of her as if she was the subject on his microexpression display. Terror, disappointment, disgust, sadness, grief and contempt.

The one image his mind stopped on was the day that he watched her beg for his life. It was easy for him to disconnect when she wasn't with him on one of his reckless missions. He would come back and take the heat as he reassured her and Emily that he was okay. But that day was entirely different. The danger showed up on his doorstep and she was right there in the thick of it with him. He had to stand by and watch as she devolved before him in desperation. He felt every wave of emotion emanating from her as the tears cascaded down her face and her words tumbled out. It was too much for him to watch, knowing he was powerless to do anything to change the situation at hand. He shut himself off from it and in turn helped her regain her composure. She had strength in her that even he underestimated.

All those times he was in harm's way, all the times he fought with her or teased her or took her for granted, all the times that he flaunted his women in front of her…all those times she was saddled with his problems, her own problems and with RJ's issues. Yet here she was in his house, comforting his daughter instead of getting as far away as she could as quickly as possible. He rolled his head back and looked at the ceiling, feeling quite inadequate to be her friend or her lover. No one should have to endure so much at the hands of the one that they love.

His eyes closed and he let out a sigh as he tried to banish the negative thoughts from his mind. He couldn't go back and change the events that brought them to this moment, although there is plenty that he would like to do over if he had the chance. He was brought back to reality as he felt his daughter's hands on his shoulders and a soft kiss on the cheek.

"Morning, Dad"

He turned his head and kissed her back, thankful that she still thought of him that way.

"Morning, love. Why don't you go get washed up and I'll make us some breakfast."

"Sure."

He felt her fingers trail down his arm and caught her fingers and squeezed them before letting her go. He had a smile on his face as he turned his attention back to Gillian, who was now awake.

"Morning, Gill."

He let his head tilt to the side as he regarded her. She had a small smile on her face, but some discomfort as well. He could tell her mind was already awake and busy grinding through all that has happened, even if her body had not caught up yet.

"Cal."

He watched her stretch with the gracefulness of a feline and did nothing to mask the effect her movements had on him. Worry started to creep into his thoughts at her greeting.

"Hungry, love?"

"Yeah. Let me go get cleaned up and I'll help you make something for breakfast."

"No worries…I'll handle it."

He shifted in the chair as she stood up and stretched once more before approaching him. She bent down beside him. He felt her lips linger on his cheek and her warm breath on his skin, which made him shudder.

"Morning."

Her voice held none of the chipper tenor that it usually did when she greeted him, but she did kiss him. On the cheek. It was intimate, but on a friend level. He couldn't get a good look at her eyes before she turned and went upstairs, so he was left feeling quite unsure of what the morning would hold for the three of them.

Emily came down the stairs first and into the kitchen where she immediately jumped in to help out.

"Hey, Dad."

"Hi…are you and Gillian okay? I see you ended up downstairs instead of in your room."

"Yeah. We talked a lot about what happened. She answered everything I asked her, even the personal questions. I was kinda shocked by that."

"Why is that, love?"

"Gillian has always talked to me like an adult and answered my questions, but it was different last night."

He watched his daughter shrug and they both turned as they heard Gillian enter the kitchen.

"That's because it is important to me to give you the answers you deserve. It won't be like that for everything you ask me, but certainly with this situation you will get honest answers from me."

The both watched Gillian as she got a cup of OJ from the fridge and sat down at the table. Emily grabbed two of the plates on the counter as he grabbed his own and they sat at the table with her. They ate breakfast in relative silence until Emily's phone chimed in her pocket.

"Oh Dad…I have to go!"

"Now hold on, just where do you think you're off to?"

"Today is Jenna's birthday…the sleepover. I can still go, can't I?"

He watched his daughter's expression and remembered that he had already said she could go. He reached out and took her hand in his.

"Are you sure you're okay with that? We still have a lot to sort out."

"I know, Dad. I just want to relax today and you and Gillian really need to talk anyway. I'll be home tomorrow. Please?"

"Alright, but I don't want you answering the phone if your Mum calls. Just let it go to voicemail and then text me and I'll call her. You don't need to deal with that in front of your friends."

"Thanks."

He hugged her and watched her hug Gillian before darting upstairs to get ready. He couldn't help the nerves as he realized that he would be on his own with Gillian today. He caught her gaze and saw none of the nerves he felt.

"Right. Fancy a game?"

He read the confusion on her face and allowed his smile to reach his eyes. Today was going to be interesting, to say the least.

TBC…


	16. Chapter 15: Quid Pro Quo

AN: Thanks for sticking with me on the story. Life has a way of throwing monkey wrenches at me and this time it was a series of car repairs and a 15 yr old boy who wants to test his mother. We are heading toward the end of this story arc, but there are still at least a few more chapters left. This chapter is much different than the first version, but ultimately I think it fits into the whole story better. I'm assuming Emily is 16 and that I haven't said otherwise earlier on in the story.

I've got the next chapter started already. Hopefully it will be posted faster than this one. A few gentle reminders couldn't hurt LOL Enjoy!

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Ch. 15 - Quid Pro Quo

"Right. Fancy a game?"

He read the confusion on her face and allowed his smile to reach his eyes. Today was going to be interesting, to say the least.

"What kind of game?"

Her suspicion was evident on her features as she questioned him. She folded her arms and raised her eyebrows, fixing him with "the look".

"What? I've not said anything yet!"

She shrugged and he gave her his best innocent look. He could tell she didn't buy it for a second, nor did he expect her to. He watched her with a grin as she leaned forward in her chair to get face to face with him. When he felt her hand wiping something off his face, he couldn't help turning into her hand and kissing it, grateful for the intimate gesture. The unease that had beset him earlier somewhat lessened with that small touch. Though she was distant, it seemed that she was still amenable to touching and interacting with him.

"How about strip poker?"

He let his accent thicken and his eyes show his desire for her.

"As much as I _love _to play strip poker, you've got to be crazy if you think I'm going to play any kind of poker with you."

Cal locked eyes with her. She got up from her chair and moved toward him with a look he couldn't quite decipher. He thought she was smirking at first, but now he wasn't so sure. He wished they were at the office only so that look would have been captured on video. He was quite sure it would give the Mona Lisa a run for its money.

He was at a loss for words when he felt her straddle him and settle on his lap, resting her arms atop his shoulders. Her eyes slipped closed as he brought his hands to her waist, trailing them gently up and down her back. He had to fight the urge to wrap her in his arms and devour her. It felt like it had been years since they were together last though it had only been a little less than two weeks. She had put the brakes on when she realized that Em wasn't 100% on board with her and Cal being together. Each small intimacy succeeded in gradually allaying his fears that he had finally pushed her too far with that asinine accusation he hurled at her.

"Alright then, how about quid pro quo?"

"Quid pro quo? Dr. Lecter, is it?"

His eyebrows lifted just a bit at the fact that she caught his reference to Silence of the Lambs, although it was vague. He loved the book and the movie, especially Lecter, whom he thought of as a mix of him and Gillian with a heavy dose of psychopath added.

"Well I'm not going to eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti, if that's what you're aiming at."

He slipped into a bad Anthony Hopkins impression and added the creepy noise at the end of the quote, which made her smile.

"Phew, I was worried there for a minute."

He laughed as she gestured and plastered an exaggerated look of shock then relief on her face.

"Can't promise that I won't nibble on other parts of your anatomy, love."

He waggled his eyebrows for effect and grinned at her. They slipped into silence as she looked at him. He watched her eyes as she studied him, aware of the scrutiny he was under but choosing not to hide behind his usual mask. The change in their relationship had caused him to open up to her more than usual, but yesterday's events made him yearn for complete honesty from her and for her.

Cal knew they had to talk and he wanted the same kind of honesty she displayed last night, when she chose not to try and hide anything from him. Last night, he didn't ask for it. Today was different, though. She was rested, fed and ready once again to match wits with him as she has already shown. This time, he would have to ask for it and there was no way she would go for it if he remained closed to her. His plan was to ease into it and show her that he was willing to be open to her if she was willing to do the same. Quid pro quo.

He slipped back into his Hopkins impersonation and proffered again.

"Quid pro quo, yes or no?"

He watched the smile play at the corners of her mouth and dance in her eyes. He marveled at the difference in her now from a few hours ago. The vulnerability was still lurking in the background, but her fortitude and grace had returned. She no longer looked broken or defeated, though he knew the fragility was still there and he had to be wary of his own temper. He had already damaged what was left between them by accusing her of being in league with RJ. If that accusation was a knife to her, then asking her if she fucked him would be twisting the knife. He knew that she would not let anything like that pass again and truth be told he wasn't sure he was off the hook for that, yet.

"What are the rules?"

"Only one that applies to both of us...no masks, no hiding."

"That's it?"

"Yeah, that's it."

"What's the catch?"

He saw the skepticism on her face and really couldn't blame her.

"No catch, love. I've got questions and I know that you probably have a few of your own. I want... No, I need you to be frank. No omissions no holding back. Just like yesterday, only I won't be such a sod."

He waited while she searched his eyes for the truth of his words. It didn't take her long to concede.

"Alright, Cal. Quid pro quo. But...I will not accept anymore of the venomous insinuations you spewed forth last night. You can ask me anything you want in a civil tone and I will answer with complete honesty. You blow another gasket and I'm out."

He really didn't want to know the full extent of what out would be, but he was glad that she was finally standing up for herself and asserting her limits. While she had no problem doing this with other people, it was about time she did the same with him and Zoe.

"Nothing of the sort. No motives, no bullshit. Promise."

He held her face in his hands and looked into her eyes as he moved to kiss her. His eyes closed when her hands pulled him closer and she responded to his kiss. He couldn't help the wave of emotion he felt as she explored his mouth and tightened her embrace. He clung to her and savored the feel of her lips on his. He shuddered, slightly overwhelmed by the intensity of the moment. He had never felt this way in the arms of any other woman, nor did he desire to be with anyone else. He realized that she was looking at him, obviously concerned about him.

"Cal, are you alright?"

He looked in her eyes.

"I'm a bit overwhelmed, yeah. It's been a heavy couple of days."

"It has."

He leaned forward and kissed her gently, watching her eyes slip close as she responded to him. The stress of last night was no longer visible as she relaxed completely in his arms. He struggled with himself to voice the emotions he was feeling, but nothing seemed to match the intensity and depth of how he felt about her. At a loss, he tried to conveywhistle feelings to her through his touch. Unsure of how long they sat there, he felt Gillian start to squirm in his arms and thought that she was probably uncomfortable.

"As much as I'd love to stay wrapped in your arms like this, I think we should move somewhere more comfy, yeah?"

"Ok, how 'bout I make some tea and hot chocolate?"

"Sounds splendid, as long as I don't have to drink the sweet. I'll go put on some music, yeah?"

Cal smacked her ass and went in the other room to put on a cd. He opted for classical as they would be talking and he didn't want it to overpower their conversation. He flopped on the couch and let out an extended sigh. He really didn't want to face what was coming, but he didn't want to delay it any further either. If they were truly going to move forward, they had to clear the air. While he waited for her return, Cal leaned his head back and allowed the music to surround him. He loved classical music and Moonlight Sonata was one of his favorite pieces. He felt more than heard Gillian enter the room and took the mug from her.

"For a Yank you make wonderful tea."

"Thanks, I think."

She settled on the opposite end of the couch facing him.

"Ok, Cal. This is your _game_, so I'll let you lead."

"Right."

Cal paused, debating which question to start with. He could go the easier route by asking her stupid little things about her he wants to know, avoiding the obvious. He could go for the road well travelled by hurling insults and accusations to bully his opponent or he could laser in on that which he has been struggling not to think about.

"Option 3 it is then."

He saw the confusion in Gillian's eyes, but knew she would put it together so he didn't bother with an explanation.

"Do you know for sure whether or not Em is uhhh...well if I'm her...?"

He gestured wildly with his hands urging her not to make him say the words. He looked at her waiting, cringing inside at what she might know that was left unsaid.

"No, Cal. I don't know for sure. I did manage to get a sample of his blood and had a friend of mine at the university keep it in case you ever found out and wanted testing."

"You have his blood? Why? How'd you get it?"

Cal was taken aback. He never considered the fact that Gillian would have RJ's DNA for testing. Why should they need it? Either she was his or RJ's. He suddenly felt sick to his stomach.

"Yes. You might recall that I once told you I changed majors. I started out studying nursing before shifting gears after taking a psych course. I learned how to take blood, so I drew a few vials of his when he was under home care with hospice. I figured that it would be best to have his blood to match if Em wasn't your biological daughter."

He gave her a look of confusion and then he realized what she wasn't saying.

"You mean so that if I'm not her, you know, then we can be certain whether RJ was...or not."

He saw her drop her head and stare at the floor.

"Bloody hell! I never even considered that someone else could be..."

He still couldn't bring himself to say the words out loud. He closed the distance between them and held her face in his hands, his stomach churning and voice cracking as he spoke to her.

"Gillian, do you have any reason to believe that neither of us is Em's father?"

Tbc…


	17. Chapter 16: Possibilities

AN: Hi. Thanks for the reviews, as always. This chapter hasn't come out the way I expected it, but in hindsight, I think it is a little truer to the characters. Will have to rethink the coming chapters a bit, in light of the turn this one has taken. Thanks to all who have stuck with me thus far. :o)

All mistakes are mine, LTM doesn't belong to me. Incidently, Tim Roth indicated on his Twitter account that the 4th season is still up in the air until they make a decision in May and that the callian fans will enjoy the finale (there are two shows left I think). I sent a note to askfox fox .com telling them why I watch the show and want another season. Not sure what else we can do…hopefully, they will get this one right.

Chapter 16: Possibilities

"_Gillian, do you have any reason to believe that neither of us is Em's father?_"

"No real reason, no..."

His eyes searched hers and he waited for her to continue.

"I've seen no evidence that would indicate the possibility of someone other than you two being the father, but I have to be honest with you. I've always had a gut feeling that what RJ told me wasn't the whole story...as if he were leaving out something."

Cal paced back and forth in his living room, trying to cycle through Zoe's behavior before, during and after the pregnancy. It was no use. There was no way he could remember all that, much less whether or not they had sex close enough to the time she conceived for him to be Em's father. It was as cold as cases get. Although, he thought that they must have since her pregnancy didn't raise any red flags at the time. The only places he could turn to for answers would be Zoe and a medical test.

"For fuck's sake...can this get any more complicated?"

"Whoa, slow down a minute, Cal. Just because I have a hunch he wasn't telling me the whole truth doesn't necessarily mean that it was another guy. Aren't you jumping to conclusions a little early?"

"C'mon Foster, look at the facts. One...you're hunches are usually dead on. Two...RJ had to maintain his position of power when things got drawn out between you and him. Three...I know Zoe. She was always blathering on about wanting to have a threesome with another guy. I really couldn't stand the thought and tried to compromise with her offering a tryst with another guy and girl, but she wouldn't hear of it so it never happened."

"Well that certainly sheds a different light on things, but it still doesn't automatically mean that his omission was another guy. I admit it crossed my mind as a possibility, but there's been no evidence of the sort."

He flopped back on the couch next to Gillian, rested his head on her legs and put his leg over the back of the couch. He pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a long sigh.

"What now, love?"

He felt her fingers running through his hair. When she didn't answer him and continued to stroke his hair in silence, he had to smile. She knew instinctively that he wasn't looking for an answer and was quite content to comfort him in her own way. He couldn't help but compare her reaction with the many he'd had from Zoe over the years. Zoe just didn't know when to back off. She was an aggressive woman and it served her well in her career. Unfortunately for them both, it wasn't an asset in their marriage.

He popped up and repositioned himself facing her.

"I don't know what to do. I want to know, you know? But I'm worried that the knowledge will change things. They say knowledge is power, but it's also something that can't be undone."

He looked at her, silently pleading with her to impart some form of wisdom that would make everything okay. He barely kept still as he waited for her to say something…anything.

"There is no easy answer, Cal. You know that and I know that. What I would suggest is that you sit down and have a heart to heart with Emily and see what she has to say about it. Make a decision together that you both can live with."

"Right. Easier said than done I'm thinking. What if we don't agree on the answer?"

"The thing you have to remember is that ultimately this is a decision that Emily has the most stake in. I think you'll both be alright as long as you don't bully her into a decision one way or another. I know that you have her best interests at heart, but in this case it really should be something that she can live with."

He felt her hand on his cheek as she spoke to him.

"Cal, I think that you should be honest with her about how you feel regarding the tests and having them done. I also think that you should allow her to make the final decision. Emily is sixteen now and she has a good head on her shoulders. She's not yet an adult, but I would have to say that in my professional opinion she is capable of making the decision. Knowing her as I do, I know that she is capable of making the decision before her. This really has the potential of changing your relationship with her…it's up to you on whether it is for the better or worse."

"Bollocks! You know, it shouldn't be like this. If that bitch kept her legs closed, we wouldn't be in this mess. FUCK!"

Cal got up and paced the room. His anger started to resurface, this time fully aimed at Zoe. Though he knew Gillian was basing this supposition purely on instinct, her instincts had a very good record for being accurate. Visions of Zoe with RJ invaded his mind and the only thing that he could reconcile is that RJ omitted the participation of a third person and that would have to be a man if the question of paternity was further muddled. The thought of two blokes fucking her instead of one was enough to make him see red and feel sick. He would have it out with her, that's for sure.

"I've got to know. I've got to get it directly from her, Gill. I'm going to lock her ass in the cube until she comes clean once and for all."

"Hold on, Cal. What makes you think Zoe will tell you anything? Now that RJ is gone and she knows it, there is no reason for her to tell you anything unless you and Em go forward with the testing."

Though he was loathe to admit it, she was right. There was no way Zoe would come clean about anything else to him unless he had irrefutable evidence. That might not be the case with Gillian and Zoe. Though he had never thought Gill would be up for something like this in the past, which was no longer the case. If she could hide something for years, certainly she could go a few rounds with Zoe to drag the truth out of her.

"Of course you're right love...I'd never get the truth from her without the test results."

He spun around and held his hand out pointing at her, tilting his head and moving in for the proverbial kill.

"Now you, on the other hand...yeah, that just might work. A little setup, bait the line and whack, get the big fish hook, line and sinker..."

He trailed off, his mind turning over ideas on how to get Gillian to lead Zoe into his trap. His thoughts were disturbed by a firm grip on his arm turning him back around.

"No Cal, you're not dragging me back into the middle of this mess. I've had enough of being in the middle of you two and I won't do it. I don't even want to be around when you two have it out again."

"Come on, darling. It'll be a bit of fun for you and it'll get us the info we need. Besides, it's the least you can do after so many years of hiding all this from me."

"Fun? Least I can do? Darling? Don't darling me. You think that your puppy dog eyes and smattering of guilt is going to be enough to get me to volunteer to spar with Medusa? No way, Cal. I'm not going to be a pawn in your twisted little game. Besides, give her some credit. She's a lawyer…she does this for a living...she'll see right through it."

"You're absolutely right, my darling, if we were talking about me confronting her, but we're not. You've already shown that you can out wit, out lie and out maneuver both of us. Plus, you have matched her in the verbal fencing from yesterday with ease. You're the perfect one to extract the minute piece of information that she's hiding."

"Could be hiding, Cal. There is a difference."

"Semantics, Gillian. That's not the point."

" No, it's not the point. I don't want to interact with her anymore than I have to as the mother of your daughter. That's right, Cal, deep down I believe in my heart that Em is yours for my own reasons that have nothing to do with RJ or Zoe and everything to do with Em and you. That being said, your ex is a vicious, vindictive and hurtful shrew when dealing with me in any capacity. Why would I subject myself to that again?"

He felt the atmosphere in the room shift as the indignation and hurt started to surface in her. He had pushed her again and was silently kicking himself for it. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her, but he had to know and she seemed to be the only way to get the information without involving Em directly. He flopped back on the couch, yielding to her the position of power as she glared down at him.

"The real question is why would you even ask me to do such a thing? Quid pro quo, Cal."

"I know I shouldn't ask. Hell, I know that I shouldn't go after the information like that, but I have to know. I have to and this was the only way to..."

He paused, knowing that she wasn't going to like the answer and would accuse him of being selfish. He had to be honest with her and the truth of the matter is that not knowing would drive him insane.

"To what, Cal?"

"To find out without involving Em."

He spoke the words softly to try and lessen the blow. He knew it didn't work when she went cold on him. She wasn't hiding from him. No, it was much worse than that. She was disconnecting from him. She sat across from him; back straight and all business.

"That's low, Cal. And it's also very telling. Even after all we've been through, especially in the past few weeks, Zoe is still first on your list. This isn't about Em, Cal, we both know that. This is about you and your pride and more than that, the fact that you can't let her go."

"No, no, no! I don't want her. I want you, Gill. I love you."

"Do what you have to do to get her out of your system Cal. I'll give you the time and space you need to sort things out. I'll make arrangements for my leave of absence and when I get back, we can go from there, I guess."

"Oi! Hang on a minute. What leave?"

He held his breath as she put her fingers over his mouth, silencing him.

"Cal, I'm telling you that I can't take anymore of this 'thing' you have about Zoe. You can't see straight when it comes to her and I don't see how any of that is going to change anytime soon. When we had our heart to heart a few weeks back, I voiced the same concerns about the power Zoe seems to have over you. We talked and I set that concern aside, trusting you."

Cal looked at her carefully as she spoke. He wasn't sure how this whole thing went from him getting answers about what she hid for so long to another confrontation about Zoe and her mystical power over him. A day later and Gillian is again ready to leave, sacrificing her needs for his. They had to get out of this cycle. He took her hand in his, kissed it and held it.

"Right, that you did. And...?"

"And, here we are again. Zoe does something, you find out and all you can think about is how to use me to get what you want out of her. When is the last time you stopped her from verbally attacking me?"

"Last night, when I was in the process of tossing her out of the building."

"Exactly. Yet just a short while before you blew up at her, you stood by and watched as she hurled every hateful thing my way."

"Yeah, but I wanted to stop her. It made me angry, then you said what you did and I was blindsided."

"You were angry? You _wanted _to stop her? Do you hear what you are saying? You could have stopped her, Cal. You had not one moment of hesitation when you were angry with her and threw her out of the building. What was the difference, Cal?"

He looked at her with genuine confusion. What was the difference in those two situations just a short time apart?

"Well, I don't rightly know. I didn't think about it like that."

"I'll tell you. The only difference between the two was that when you threw her out, you were angry at her for hurting you. You only stand up to her when you're pissed off at her for something she's done to you."

He looked down at the floor as her voice grew quiet. She had a point.

"I used to tell myself that you allowed her to treat me that way because you were married to her. I told you that already. What hurts is that you still allow her to do that even when you've been divorced for a couple years. And now that we have turned the corner from friends to lovers...you still stand by and do nothing."

"Wait, how do you know that I heard what Zoe was saying to you?"

"When you were talking to Emily, I reviewed the video feed to see how long you were outside the office so I knew how much you heard and how much Emily heard."

"Why?"

"To know how to answer Emily's questions. I wasn't going to go into all the hateful things that Zoe said if she hadn't heard them. I also thought it would help me to know what you heard. I watched the feed, Cal. You didn't do a thing to stop her. Perhaps, if that was the only time, I could chalk it up to you not wanting to interrupt our conversation, but we both know that you do as you please and interrupting is one of your habits. I don't know what to say about it other than you certainly had no problem confronting her when you were slighted."

He watched the silent tears slide down her cheeks and took a deep breath. She was right and he knew it. He didn't deserve her, but that wasn't going stop him from begging her to stay. He gently wiped away the tears and cradled her face in his hands.

"It's not about her, Gill. It's about me. My failures, my blindness and my naiveté when it came to her. These past couple of weeks have been one revelation after another that everything I thought I knew just wasn't so and I wanted to get to the bottom of it. I wanted a clean slate for us. Nothing nagging at me. I just assumed you would help me as you always have, whether you approved of my methods or not."

"Please, Gillian. I know that I take you for granted. I know that I don't deserve you. I know that I end up hurting you more than anyone should hurt their best friend. You should run as far away from me as possible to spare yourself from anymore pain at my hands, but I can't let you go. I won't. I need you, Gillian, in my arms and by my side. If there's anything these past few weeks have shown me, it's that I can no longer imagine any part of my life without you. Stay, not because you feel obligated...stay because you want to."

"I want to, Cal, I really do."

"Then stay."

He took her hands in hands in his and pulled her into his arms.

"This is a big fucking mess and that's all there is to it. We can sort it out, love, together. You and me. What you say?"

"I can't stay knowing how it feels to be in your arms and share your bed while watching you get pulled back into her web of deceit. It hurts too damn much."

"Gillian, I'm not being pulled back in. I get it, love. I'll let it go and talk to Em. We'll work through it together and there will be no more talk of getting at what Zoe really did, if there's anything else to it. Look at me, Gill. You are all I need. _Stay._"


	18. Chapter 17: Stay

AN: Hello again! I thought this chapter would be easy to write, but it was quite the contrary. The first version didn't work. The second was half written and I lost it completely. I tried a third version and that didn't work at all, so here we are with version number four. Things didn't click until I wrote it from Gill's point of view and cut out the melodrama. I think it works better now and I hope that you will find it worth the wait. Unless something pops up unexpected again, this is the final turn toward the end game. There are still a lot of loose ends, but I should be able to finish it in 2011 :) Drop a line if you're so inclined, it keeps me motivated. Thanks for reading!

Don't own anything. Mistakes are mine.

Chapter 17: Stay

_"Look at me, Gill. You're all I need. __**Stay**__._"

Gillian looked at him square in the eyes. His face was open as he held her gaze, despite her scrutiny.

_**Stay**_.

Four letters that seemed inconsequential, but together said so much. Stay - it was a plea, a command, and a promise. It was a negotitation and a compromise. It was a need and a desire. A question and an answer.

_**Stay**_.

It was everything that Cal wanted and everything that Gillian wanted. It was everything between them that had been said and a bridge to all between them unspoken. It was a crossroad, a decision to be made and a line to be crossed.

_**Stay**_.

It was the question posed to Gillian; it was her choice to make. She knew without a doubt that Cal loved her in a way that no one had. It was in the way he made love to her, the way he looked at her when he thought she wasn't paying attention, and in the way he allowed her into places within him that no one else was trusted to go. She saw it now in his eyes and yet she still had to face the fact that Zoe had some kind of influence over Cal that he seemed to have no control over. She knows that he believed what he said, but that doesn't necessarily make it so.

_**Stay.**_

It was so simple. She didn't have to do anything to appease his request. Her inaction would suffice and she wanted to stay. She didn't want the fantasy portrayed in her novels, but the kind that was tangible and fleeting and had to be worked for and earned. She wanted the ups and downs of family life with him and Emily. She wanted the heated fights over stupid things, the agony over the important things and the impassioned making up. She wanted the bliss in the small moments and to cherish the milestones. She wanted it to be real and raw and breathtaking. She yearned for it, she dreamt of it and now it was here before her. Within her grasp. The brass ring. The winning lotto ticket. The one in a million shot at what she was meant to be...what they were meant to be together. It was right there before her in Cal's outstretched hand...nothing was there to stop her, yet still a shadow darkened the beginning of their journey.

A shadow of the past - Cal's past, their past. A spectre that haunted Cal. She toyed with him, manipulated him, and used him. Her influence was unmistakeable, her presence unpredictable and his attraction to her magnetic. She was there only when it suited her needs and she permeated most aspects of his life. This shadow, this spectre was out of Gillian's control and seemingly out of Cal's control. This spectre had a name...Zoe.

_**Stay.**_

The decision before her felt like the lesser of two evils. Should she walk out now and bear the pain of letting him go until he was ready to let Zoe go or did she stay and committ to him with the very real possibility that he could return to Zoe's bed? She honestly didn't know which would hurt more.

_**Stay.**_

Was she strong enough to stay by him once more? To stand by his side and make the journey with him into uncharted territory? Was she strong enough to try, knowing that because of Em, Zoe would always have access to Cal? Was she strong enough for the proverbial shoe to be on the other foot - her Cal's lover and Zoe the single woman vying for his attention? Would she turn into the same kind of jealous, manipulative bitch that drove him away?

_**Stay.**_

Gillian reached out and put her hand on his cheek, the stubble rough beneath her palm. She closed her eyes and focused on how he felt, how he smelled and how her body reacted to him when they touched. She sought to ground herself in the here and now, to stave off the demons, the fear and the what-ifs. He was here with her, after all that had transpired and the years of secrets between them. Her hands moved to his chest as she felt his arms encircle her. She opened her eyes and found his inquisitive eyes searching for an answer, a confirmation that she was willing to stay with him.

_**Stay.**_

It was now or never. It was do or die. It was decision time. He deserved an answer and no matter how long she stayed rooted to this spot, Cal's questions always had a time limit. He was not a patient man and if you didn't give him an answer, he calculated it on his own. His hazel eyes were searching for a clue, a movement, or the tiniest of expressions that would satisfy his curiosity. She took a breath, clutched his shirt in either hand and steeled herself against her instinct to leave. There was no way in hell that she wasn't going to take her shot at happiness. Now was her time, their time to make a go at life together.

_**Stay.**_

"Cal..."

She watched his eyes snap back to hers at the sound of her voice. She had his full attention.

"Will you stay with me, Gillian? I know it's a lot to ask, love, I truly do. I..."

"Shh... I want this. I want us. I _need _you, Cal Lightman, more than I ever needed anyone or anything. We are destined for this and there's no way in hell I'm giving it all up without even trying."

She barely got the last words out before she clung to him and kissed him as if it would be the last time. Her desire for him was burning through her veins and she felt as if she couldn't get close enough. Her hands sought his skin as her mouth explored his. She pulled his shirt over his head and they began to move toward the stairs. She gasped in surprise as he easily swept her up in his arms and climbed the stairs. She sucked and nipped at his neck, groaning as his scent filled her nostrils and his muscles rippled under her fingers.

She scooted up on the bed once he set her down and she watched him as he stood at the foot of the bed. His eyes were roaming all over her body and it made a blush rise on her cheeks. The desire in his eyes fueled hers, but she was curious why he still stood at the end of the bed. Growing impatient, she decided to see if she could spur him into action.

Keeping her eyes glued to his, she slowly pulled her bra way from one of her breasts and teased her nipple, rolling it between her fingers until it was hard. She saw Cal's breathing rate increase and his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed. He finally took his pants off and discarded them, but instead of joining her, he grabbed his chair and sat where he could continue to watch her. She was even more turned on when his eyes returned to hers. She slipped off her pants and discarded them, so she could be free to touch herself without obstructing his view of her.

She saw the corner of his mouth turn up as she propped herself up on the pillows, brought her feet up and spread her legs in front of him. She smirked as he shifted in the chair and adjusted his bulging member, pulling it through the slit in his boxers to remove it from the confines of the silk fabric. He slouched in the chair, not touching himself but completely fixated on her, watching and waiting.

Gillian, fully aware of what he wanted without having to hear it from him, began to start the show in earnest. She took both her hands and squeezed her breasts before trailing them both down her stomach to her thighs. His dick twitched as her hands moved to her thighs and it began to harden as she rubbed her hands over the small patch of fabric covering her center, shifting her hips to create more friction. The combination of his attention and his reaction with her own ministrations caused her to moan and bite her lip as she pulled her bra straps off and freed her breasts. She teased and kneaded them both before slowly removing her panties and tossing them toward him.

She was surprised when he caught them, inhaling their scent and grunting before casting them aside. The sound of his voice stoked her desire and she spread her legs again, fingering her nipple while her other hand probed her folds. She closed her eyes as her finger massaged her clit and circled her entrance that was already wet and ready for him. Forcing her eyes open, she saw his hand closed around his dick slowly stroking. She was mesmerized by the sight before her and felt her core throb with need as she watched him pull back the skin revealing the tip of his cock before hiding it again with the up stroke. He was the first uncircumcised man she had been with and she found it exotic and sexy as hell watching him. She pushed her finger inside and moved it in and out at the same pace he was stroking his cock. She wanted him inside her, but was captivated by this little game of his and wanted to see where it took them.

He slowed his movements and she removed her hand from her center and put her finger in her mouth, sucking on it as if it was his dick that was covered with her wetness. She saw the surprise flit across his features before the raw desire replaced it. He was rock hard now. He quickly removed his boxers and dropped them on the floor.

"Fuck yourself, love. Do it 'til you cum for me."

The sound of his voice sent a shiver through her. She moved her hand back down to her core and rubbed her clit, her eyes fixed on him. Her eyes studied the way he twisted his hand slightly, the way he let his pinky graze his balls as he pulled down on his shaft, and the way his forearm muscle twitched when he applied a little more pressure coming up toward the head. She studied his reactions to her own movements and discovered that the more she confidence she displayed, the harder he got. He wanted her to cum and she was going to give him a show he wouldn't forget.

Lowering her eyelids and waiting until he made eye contact with her, she held his gaze as her left hand sought her breast and her right her center. She shifted and pushed her finger in her warm, wet sheath before moving up to her clit and rubbing it. She dropped her eyes to his hard on and focused on it as she applied the right amount of pressure and movement to her clit and nipple simultaneously. The growing desire in her came out as a groan of pleasure. She started speaking out loud to him and for him; a litany of breathless confessions as she worked to please him.

"I've imagined us together for so long, Cal. Dreamt of what our first time would be like. It was so much more than I imagined. I fantasized about us fucking so many times I could nearly get off just replaying them in my mind. Images of you fucking me from behind, groaning as I sucked your dick, your fingers tugging my hair as you came in my mouth. Images of me riding you, my legs spread while you go down on me, us making love all night..."

Gillian fought to focus on him as she spoke to him and manipulated her body to a peak for him. The sight of him playing with himself, her own stimulation and the vivid images playing in her mind had her ready to cum.

"Cal..."

She closed her eyes and started to coax her body over the edge for him. Her mind focused on their first time together and how he learned her body. Her eyes shot open when she felt his hand still hers and move it out of the way.

"I can't resist..."

Gillian gasped when she felt his hot mouth cover her center and his tongue explore her folds as his fingers delved into her. She tensed when he brought her over the edge, calling out his name and uttering other incoherent words as she tried to recover from his onslaught. He crawled up her body and kissed her as he positioned himself at her entrance. He thrust into her working his way gradually deeper and she used her heels to spur him on. They were both grunting now, reveling in the feel of their bodies arching and thrusting toward their climax. She ran her nails down his back, gliding along his slick skin just hard enough to leave pink trails in their wake. She smiled as she felt his muscles twitch in response.

"Bloody hell, I'm so fucking close..."

"Fuck me, Cal...harder."

She shifted a bit beneath him and hooked her heels on his ass and used her leverage to increase his force. He propped himself above her with his head next to hers so his mouth was near her ear. His breath was hot on her ear and brought goosebumps up on her skin. She shivered as he whispered to her between gasps for air and powerful thrusts that were hitting at just the right angle. She let out a moan when her body convulsed with her release, triggering his shortly after. Gillian continued to clench around him as she came down from her high and marvelled at the way his body jerked in reaction to her. His body was heavy on hers and she felt him soften inside her as he began to come around.

She shivered at the loss of contact as he went to fetch a warm rag to clean them both up. He pulled the sheet over them, tossed the rag onto the floor in the bathroom and propped one arm behind his head. She turned toward him and let her fingers explore the contours of his chest, arms and face. Flat on his back, he rolled his head to look at her and brought his hand to hers.

"Tell me more, Gill."

She looked at him at him, slightly embarrased when she realized what he was talking about. About to speak, she was preempted by him answering her unspoken question.

"How you envisioned us together. Surely it wasn't all tawdry shagging going through that naughty mind of yours."

She gazed at him grinning at her and thought how she always wanted it to be like this between them...the intimacy of unguarded behavior, the comfortable silence of unspoken conversations, and the passion for one another. She knew that they could handle anything together as long as the barriers between them weren't resurrected.

"Not _all _of it, no. But I have a _vivid _imagination."

She smiled at him and leaned forward to kiss him, enjoying the taste of him on her tongue. She lingered, allowing herself to enjoy the simple act of being able to kiss him and explore his mouth with her tongue. Content for the moment she withdrew.

"Mmm... I have spent so much time musing about what our life would be like. I imagined scenes of us walking hand in hand on a rainy, moonlit night in the city. The two of us strolling barefoot in the surf on a cool autumn afternoon after the tourists have left the coast. Evenings spent together with Emily milling around the house; your glasses on the end of your nose as you tap your flashes of brilliance into words. Heated arguments over the stupid things couples fight over and passionate make-up sessions to heal the rifts. There was only one thing I couldn't envision..."

Her eyes refocused on him, a wave of sadness overcoming her as she recalled the many nights that she felt hopeless. She knew he saw the sadness dance across her features as she abruptly stopped speaking.

"What was that, love?"

Gillan was struck by the gentle tone of his words, his demeanor completely different than she had ever experienced from him. He had been gentle and caring in the past, but his shields were always up and he was ultimately motivated by getting to the crux of the matter. This was the first time he had ever asked her something without expecting to get an answer from her.

"I couldn't imagine my life without you in it and that terrified me. I never thought that you would ever settle for someone like me. I spent so many nights dreaming of what could be, but I just knew it was hopeless. You and Zoe were happily married. When you finally got divorced and I saw the kind of women you were with, I knew it would never happen. At that point I knew that my own marriage was crumbling, then Sophie came and I thought that things might work out, but they didn't. I ended up alone and even when we were both single I still couldn't see through that damn mask of yours. In the end, I knew I just wasn't your type and I just resolved myself to having to settle for someone other than you."

Gillian held his gaze despite the insecurity of the past working its way back to the surface. Her fingers traced the ink on his arm as she spoke to him to calm her rising emotion. She had to focus on the present, although it was still hard for her to believe he wanted her.

"I don't quite know what to say, love. I always thought you knew I was attracted to you. At first I passed it off as a crush, then as lust for the unattainable, but as time went on I finally admitted that it was more. I have been falling in love with you since the day we met, Gillian Foster. I just was too stubborn and stupid and insecure to do anything about it."

She nestled against him and he wrapped her in his arms.

"Cal?"

"Yes, love?"

"Thanks for giving me, us, a second chance. It means the world to me. I know that it will take some time to fully trust me again. I'm sorry."

She felt the tears burn a trail down her cheek. It felt so right to be in his arms.

"I do trust you, Gill. With my life. With Em's life. With all my heart. That's the end of it."

She smiled through her tears and propped herself up to look at him again.

"I love you, Cal Lightman."

"Love ya too, darling. Now settle down so we can rest up for round two."

TBC


	19. Chapter 18: Amends

AN: Thanks to all who are still reading and lurking. Things will start to pick up after this since they will have to return to reality and deal with the fallout…

Oh…just a little side note w/respect to Tim Roth. I follow him on twitter and actually got a reply to one of my comments to him…how cool is that? It sure made my day LOL.

Cal and Gill are beckoning for attention, so I bid you adieu! :o)

All mistakes are mine and I only gave this a twice over, so if I missed something glaring feel free to let me know…I own nothing related to LtM.

Chapter 18: Amends

Cal stretched out and felt a warm someone next to him. He checked his watch and realized that he and Gillian dozed off for a couple of hours after their romp in bed. His thoughts went back to Gillian laying naked upon his bed waiting for him - her shapely legs bent and spread open, her hands fondling her breast and pussy both covered by crimson silk. Her desire and impatience were evident, but he was captivated by the way she was touching herself while looking him straight in the eye. He'd always been attracted to her, but discovered a whole new aspect of her after they decided to obliterate the line.

Her confidence in her sexuality wasn't something he was privy to until recently and he found it incredibly erotic. He knew she was trying to get him to move from his spot at the foot of the bed, but it had the opposite effect on him. Wanting to see how far she'd go, he pulled up a chair and got comfortable. He watched as she rolled her nipple between her fingers and her delicate hand moved over the silk and massaged her clit through the fabric. He remembered the smell of her panties and the sounds of pleasure emanating from her as she taunted him. He told her to fuck herself and was surprised by the lack of embarrassment or hesitation at his bold request. He was awestruck by the sight before him and it had him hard as hell. He stroked his cock as she pleasured herself before him and then she started to confess her fantasies to him. The sound of her voice carried across the room and her words sent his mind into overdrive. His body pulsed with need and he finally moved, bowing to worship Gillian at her altar. His senses were overwhelmed by her taste, her scent, her groans, the heat of her core and the feel of her cumming in his mouth. He nearly came with her as her body clenched beneath him, but he was able to stave it off long enough to feel her pussy wrapped around his dick when she came again.

Now sporting a painful hard on, he turned and looked at his partner sleeping next to him. A smile played at the corners of his mouth as he watched her roll over on her back and stretch out, still asleep. He kissed her temple, then got up and carefully positioned himself between her legs under the sheet. He could still smell sex on her and found that she tasted slightly different, but not too unpleasant after they had cum together. He slid his tongue between her folds and up to her clit slowly and paused, waiting to see if she woke up. When she whimpered slightly, but didn't wake Cal continued his gentle exploration of her. He took his time and enjoyed the small sounds escaping her throat as reality mingled in her dream state. He shifted where he could stroke himself a bit as he continued to taste her, pushing his tongue into her center as her hips moved in tiny movements echoing was must be happening in her dreams. Not wanting to cum at his own touch, Cal started to work his way up her body. He kissed and licked his way up to her neck as he felt her finally stir out of her dream. He felt her breath in his ear as she moaned his name and shivered when she bit down lightly on his earlobe. He pulled back and gazed into her blue eyes, wondering why in the hell it took them so long to get here.

"Hey, love."

"Hey. Did you just go down on me or was that only in my dream?"

A little shocked at her candor, Cal missed a beat before answering her question.

"Uh, I can't say what you were dreaming about, but I did explore your altar while you were sleeping."

"My altar?"

"Darling, what's hidden between your legs is a sacred place."

She laughed at this and he went back to where he left off on her neck, nipping and kissing his way to her mouth as he positioned himself at her entrance for the second time that evening. He pushed into her slowly, watching her eyes slip closed as he buried himself in her. He studied her, keeping a slow rhythm so he could enjoy the facets of pleasure dancing across her face. She deserved to be cherished, pleasured, and he was going to do his level best to make sure that he did that for her.

He kissed her throat and felt the vibrations of her voice on his lips as she vocalized her approval of his attentions. Each thrust he made was punctuated with his own confessions.

"Christ, Gillian. Why did it take us so fucking long to get here. I've spent so many hours imagining how your body would feel below mine, how your breasts would feel in my hands, what your cum would taste like on my tongue. I used to sit in my office at night, waiting for you to finish, wondering what it would be like to sit you up on my desk and push that dress up 'round your waist. Take off those stockings and knickers so I could delve into you. Make you cum with my mouth and call _my _name out in the shadows of the night. I wanted you so desperately, Gill."

His words tumbled out as he savored every moment with her. The tears welling in her eyes made her irises look like beautiful blue crystals before they fell along her cheekbone. He traced their paths with his thumbs and continued his slow thrusts, prolonging the intimate pleasures of their bodies intertwined.

"I wanted you, darling, but it was deeper than that. I _needed _you, Gill. Your presence in my life was like a renaissance for me. You showed me a side to life that I'd never experienced before. One where compassion, hope and trust existed without motive. Where friendship came without a price tag and where joy came from the heart, not from a bottle."

Overwhelmed by the raw emotions surging within him, Cal buried his head in her neck and focused on the moment - the way their bodies felt together, her arms holding him and her lips on his skin. He could tell she was close to the edge and he deepened his thrusts until she was squirming beneath him, gasping her approval and frustration at the same time. He felt her nails press into his flesh and her legs wrapped around his waist, urging him to go faster. He kept his pace steady until she told him she was going to come. He pulled back and waited for her to focus on him. He saw the fire and frustration in her eyes, a moment before he started driving into her as hard and fast as he could. She grunted with each hurried thrust, her breath stolen from her lungs by the force of his movements and the passion between them. He heard her chant his name as her body shuddered with release and her center pulsed around his cock. He continued thrusting his cock into her, his body demanding release.

"I'm so fucking close."

He felt her tug on his hair and kick her heels on his ass at his words as she told him to shoot his load into her and it sent him over the edge. He felt himself pour into her and slowed his movements as his own body shuddered with release.

"Bloody hell, love."

"Mmm... I could get used to this."

He moved to his side and propped his head up watching her. His eyes roamed over her curves and finally went back to her face. He noticed the way perspiration beaded on her nose, the slight redness on her skin from his whiskers and the after-sex look on her face that was now his favorite.

"Cal?"

"Yeah?"

"Are we okay?"

"Course we are, Gill. In fact, given the romp we just had, I'd say we're damn near perfect."

"True, but I'm talking about us as best friends, as partners. Are you really ready to trust me again?"

"Gill, I'm totally and completely in love with you. I trust you implicitly with my company, my finances, my daughter and my heart. I know that you would do anything for me and you have proven that beyond all doubt. I want you. I want this. We're okay, love. Promise."

"Cal..."

"Look, what happened was not your fault. The blame lies with Zoe ultimately. That said, you made decisions for all of us that you believed were the best for all of us. I can't say that I agree, but if I'm honest, I would probably have spent time in prison. You have more than paid in full for the decisions you've made. I was angry and hurt and felt betrayed, Gillian, you know that. While I know that this all seems to be too fast, I assure you that it's not. You know me better than anyone, Gill, and I know you better than anyone. That is how I know that I can still trust you, even after all that you did behind my back. You stayed with me, Gillian. Through all of it, you stayed. You could've left. You could've blackmailed Zoe. You could have just left the envelope there for us to deal with or you could have used it to your advantage. Beyond that, you stayed when I was at my worst, when I crawled out of a bottle, when I lashed out at you and even after I said you weren't a true friend. I'm not sure why you stayed when there was nothing for you here, but I'm grateful you did. Look, we've got a long road ahead sorting this mess and it won't be easy for either of us, but I can't imagine trying to face all this without you. You've always been here when I needed you. I need you now, Gill."

"I'm here, Cal, for as long as you'll have me."

He kissed her soundly and felt her tears as she curled up next to him. He hated when women cried, but it was slightly more bearable knowing they were tears of relief. He didn't have to be a psychologist to know that they were both vulnerable to insecurity and trust issues after all that happened. He would reassure her and knew that she would do the same for him as she has done countless times in the past for him.

He felt her breathing return to normal and her stomach growl, which caused him to chuckle. He squeezed her to him with his arm and kissed her on the top of her head.

"Right. Now that we've had our encore and status report, we've got one more important decision to make, love."

"Which is?"

"Who's going to call for takeaway?"

Tbc


	20. Chapter 19: Stubborn is as Stubborn Does

AN: I got a bit side tracked with another fic that popped in my head. It wouldn't let go, so I wrote and posted it and I can finally focus on this again. This chapter starts the ball rolling for the test, a Zoe and Cal confrontation, some bonding time for Gill and Em and where everything is at when the dust settles. Thanks for hanging in there with me as the story progresses. The kind words are always encouraging and appreciated. Thanks again!

Lie to Me isn't mine...just borrowing the characters for a while. All mistakes are mine.

Ch. 19: Stubborn is as Stubborn Does

The next morning found Cal in the kitchen making some tea and scrounging around in the fridge for a proper breakfast. He expected Emily home soon, as she said she would be home first thing when he called to check on her last night. He had left a warm and sleepy Gillian resting in his bed and smiled at the thought of her becoming a permanent fixture in their home lives. He had not mentioned it to her or Emily, but he was intent in her moving in as soon as possible. He was ready for her to make her presence known in his house.

Over the years, Gillian had spent many hours and even a few nights over his house for various reasons. Usually, she came over to work on cases and have dinner with him and Em. During his divorce, she would come over and get him to bed after he spent his time getting completely plastered. She would clean up his mess and stay through the night, but he would always wake up to a glass of water, three Advil liquigels and a note signed by her that was the only evidence of her being there. He noted long ago that she was always careful to remove any trace of her presence before leaving the house. He supposed that it started when he was still married to Zoe out of deference to her. Once he was divorced, he was never sure why she continued to follow that practice. It bothered him, especially in the lonely weeks that followed his divorce. When Em wasn't there, Gillian would come and check on him even after his benders grew less frequent. He would wander the house after she left and it would feel so empty without her jacket hung up on the rack, without her heels on the floor near the chair she sat in, and without her purse on the kitchen counter where she'd place it. She would even wipe the lipstick off her wine glass before putting it in the sink before she left. It didn't make any sense to him and he wanted that to stop. She belonged there with him and so did her things.

First things first though, he still had unfinished business with Zoe. His mind turned over their marriage, especially the early days, and tried to gain traction on what happened that would drive her into the arms of another man so soon after the wedding. Even with clarity of mind and distance from the confrontation, he still couldn't figure what went wrong. They hadn't had any major fights or problems with sex and intimacy, but still she strayed. Even Gillian had been around before the marriage. He knew that he would never get the truth out of Zoe without some sort of leverage and with RJ dead and no blood tests yet, he really had nothing to use to pry her secrets out. If there was one thing he knew about his ex, it was that she was a damn good lawyer for a reason. Gillian had shed light on more than he ever picked up on and if he was going to confront Zoe, he had to come prepared. He just wasn't sure how to get the truth out of her.

_'Damnit_!'

He had promised Gillian that he wouldn't go down this road and here he is the very next day plotting it in his mind. Was it because of the closure he wanted or was that just an excuse to give in to this supposed thing he still has for his ex, as Gill had said? Could he even know the truth behind his motives? He had to know. Not because he wanted anything to do with Zoe, but because he had to know exactly what she did behind his back. He was, after all, the guy who always got to the truth. He knew that he was in a catch-22 at this point. If he kept what he wanted to do from Gill and she found out that he did it, he had no doubt she would put the brakes on their relationship. If he told her what he wanted to do just one day after promising to let it go, she would put the brakes on their relationship. His options were looking bleak, but he didn't want any more deception in their relationship. They had both had enough of that for a lifetime and he owed it to her to be honest about what he was thinking and feeling, even if it meant that she might back off. Now that his mind was made up, all he had to do was man-up and tell her, which was easier said than done.

As if his thoughts had summoned her, Gillian appeared on the stairs wearing his shirt and a pair of his jeans that were a little too long in the leg for her. They hadn't made it back to get her car or any of her things, so she had availed herself of of his.

"Hope this is okay..."

He smiled at her and nodded, pleased that she hadn't felt the need to ask him. He put his mask in place as she sat down at the kitchen table and observed him, but mentally kicked himself when he realized he had done it. She deserved to see his emotions, just as she would from anyone else who wasn't in the business of lie detection. He made a conscious effort to relax and just be in the moment, even though it was decidedly uncomfortable after the thoughts running through his head moments ago.

"Mornin' love? Fancy some tea?"

"Good morning. Sure."

He started busying himself with making tea for Gillian while tending to the simple breakfast he was making. He handed her the tea and turned back to the stove.

"Cal, what's on your mind?"

"A lot of things, love. Breakfast, you looking all sexy in my clothes, Emily..."

"Do you think that she'll want the test?"

"I dunno, love. I can't even make up my own mind about it, but in the end I think that we all know it would be best to have the test and get it over with."

"That makes sense, instead of having this unknown looming in the distance. It would probably be good to know for medical reasons too."

"True, that. It's a bloody awful mess."

He turned to her and saw her regarding him while sipping her tea. He knew that he should bring up what he was thinking, but he just didn't know how to approach the matter without raising red flags. He cast his eyes downward briefly, then turned back to finish up the food and serve it.

"Yes, it is. What else is bothering you Cal?"

He turned back to her, put the plates on the table and sat down across from her. He sat there waiting for her to say something more, finding no words of his own that would undo his broken promise.

"Bloody hell..."

He saw her sigh and then the tension stiffen her body. She knew.

"Zoe."

The tension in her voice cut straight through him. Of course she knew. Hell, she probably saw this coming even before she made her decision. '_Why can't I just let it go?_'

"I need the truth from her, Gillian."

"Want."

"Huh?"

"Want, Cal. Not need. Want."

"Semantics. I don't want to hurt you, but I have to know."

He leaned back in the chair and spread his legs out, studying the tree out side the window. He couldn't bring himself to look in her eyes. Not now, when the pretenses and the line were gone. Not when he would see the disappointment and hurt fill her eyes and weigh down her shoulders. Not when she would no longer protect him from what his actions made her feel.

"I know."

Cal never knew that two innocuous words could cut so deeply. He hated himself for doing this to her. For _always_ doing this to her. He avoided her eyes still and instead focused on her moving the food around on her plate. His eyes snapped to the kitchen door as he heard Emily enter the front door and drop her bags. She poked her head in the kitchen and frowned at him, immediately sensing the tension between them. She said a timid good morning and went to clean up and put her stuff away, gesturing so he would know her intentions.

"Right, uh I'm going to check on Em. You alright, love?"

"Go ahead."

Not knowing what else to say, Cal left Gill in the kitchen and went upstairs to Em's room. She was putting her stuff away as he plopped down on her bed, sprawled out with his hands clasped behind his head. It struck him how much she had grown up and took on her mom's traits as she put her hands on her hips and scowled at him.

"What did you do now, Dad? You said things were going fine last night."

"Oi, watch your tone."

"Sorry, Dad."

He embraced her when she came over and pulled her on the bed next to him.

"Look, darling. It's complicated. You know me...I always have to get at the truth of something once I'm involved and I can't change that overnight."

"Yeah, you're like a raccoon holding a shiny object with its paw stuck in the jar...you won't let it go. Gill knows that, Dad."

"She does, but she also knows the history with your Mum and I. Quite frankly, I was still attracted to her long after the divorce and we both used each other off and on."

He looked in his daughter's expressive eyes and masked the sadness that struck him when he realized that he could see Zoe's physical traits in her, but not his own. He couldn't be sure if it was all in his head or all in her DNA, but now was not the time for that discussion.

"You don't want Mom anymore, do you?"

He frowned at the doubt and fear that he saw in her eyes. She always flashed that same look every time she found out about their entanglements.

"No love, that ship has sailed. I've learned a lot about your Mum and about our relationship in the past few weeks. When I finally admitted my feelings for Gillian, I was finally able to look at things more clearly; see things, yeah?"

"Okaaaay, then what's with all the tension?"

"Gillian still thinks that Zoe has influence over me and that I still have feelings for her that need to be sorted out based on my interactions with her and Zoe."

"Well, she's kinda got a point."

Surprised at Em's answer, he wondered what it was that she had noticed. His daughter grew up under the scrutiny of a human lie detector and had become very observant of people's behavior, especially with Gill's added tutelage.

"And what point would that be?"

"Well, you know I'm around at the office when you're there with Gillian and Mom is dropping me off. I notice things and so do they."

He felt Em's hesitation to say more. She always made broad statements when she didn't want to get into specifics and he always got the information out of her sooner or later. Given the subject, he sought to make her feel comfortable rather than defensive.

"You don't have to hide behind vague details, love. I'm not mad at you, nor will I be. No worries."

She hesitated, then relented after he showed her he meant it.

"It's no secret that Mom doesn't like Gillian. She doesn't like Gillian being your partner, your friend or your girlfriend. Never has. She doesn't like me hanging around and talking to her and she hates the idea of her as part of our family. It makes it difficult for me to make everyone happy. I've even talked to Gillian about it once and she said that I should respect Mom's wishes and that it was okay for me to be a little distant when Mom was around so she didn't get upset."

"I didn't realize that we put that kind of pressure on you, love. You should have never been put in the middle like that."

"No, and that's really the point of this whole thing, isn't it? Mom tried to make me choose sides, but I couldn't."

He watched her divert her eyes from him and knew that she still had more to say. He was sure he probably didn't want to hear what she said, but it was important for him to keep her talking and communicating with him.

"And...?"

"...and you could."

"Could what?"

"Take sides."

"I wasn't taking sides."

"Well, that's true. You would've had to take up for Gillian at least once for you to have taken _sides_. You always take Mom's side. Every single time, no matter how rude, condescending or hateful she was to Gillian. You don't stand up for her and you don't ever question Mom's disrespect of her. Not even after you divorced."

Cal bristled at her accusations and how much they sounded like Gillian's.

"Now hold on a minute, I never took sides. I stayed out of it so I wouldn't make things worse."

"You really believe that? Really? Are you kidding me?"

"What?"

"Come on, Dad. Gillian is your friend and business partner. Everytime Mom came in and treated Gillian bad you did nothing. Mom knew it and loved the fact you didn't say anything. That's why it kept getting worse. Gillian knew too, Dad. I'd watch her in her office when she thought I was focused on something else. I don't know why she never said anything...I would have. You should have heard some of the things she's said to me about Gillian after we'd leave."

"You didn't even stop Mom from hurling all those horrible, horrible insults at Gillian the other night and Gillian is your _girlfriend_ now. I watched you Dad, you didn't lift a finger or speak a single word to defend the woman you supposedly love. In fact, when you kicked Mom out was the first time you took a step in the right direction by at least setting up a barrier. Maybe Gill is right. You're never going to stop going back to Mom, are you?"

"Em, I'm not going back to your Mum."

"You always say that and it's never true."

"Em..."

He knew his daughter had good reason to feel this way, but it didn't make him feel any better.

"You always do, Dad. Everytime I think that things might be done, something weird happens between you and Mom and it usually plays out right in front of Gillian."

"This time's different, love."

"Then why do you have to know. She'll probably lie about it anyway."

"Em, I know you're upset and don't believe me, but this time it's different. I'm not looking for an excuse to be with your Mom. I just want to know what went wrong in our marriage. If it's something I did, I certainly don't want to make the same mistake with Gillian."

He hugged his daughter tightly and sighed into her hair. He had no idea how to make this right with Gillian or let go of it once and for all.

"I'm sorry, Em. You're tangled up in this mess with the rest of us and it's going to take a while to sort it out and let the dust settle. Have you given any thought to whether or not you want to do the medical tests to find out..."

"Some. I was hoping to talk to you guys before deciding for sure."

"We can make arrangements to meet with your Mum. I'll call her."

"No Dad, you and Gillian."

"Right. She's not really happy with me at the moment, but I'm sure she'll make time for us."

"What are you going to say to her?"

"I don't know, Em."

"Good luck, Dad, sounds like you're gonna need it. I'm gonna take a shower. Go talk to her."

He stood up and pulled her into his arms, rocking her a bit while he squeezed her. She was growing up too fast and despite what a test would prove, he loved her with all his heart. He smacked her bum as she walked away, earning a glare from her.

He left her room and eased down the stairs, trying to listen for a sign that Gill was still downstairs. He didn't see her in the living room and wondered if she had remained in the kitchen the whole time he was upstairs with Em. He checked his study before walking into an empty kitchen and cursed under his breath when he didn't see her there either. He scanned for a note, but didn't find one so he went out the garage to the front of the house. His car was where he left it and there was no sign that she'd come this way. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and hesitated for a moment before dialing her number. It wasn't like her to disappear from his house without leaving a note, mad or not.

"Cal?"

His body relaxed at the sound of her voice.

"Gill..."

He breathed out her name, but had no idea what to say to her. He didn't want to make things worse and hated that she felt she had to leave.

"Cal, what's wrong? Is Emily okay? "

"Huh? Yeah, she's fine."

"Okaaay, so why are you calling me?"

"Huh?"

"Are you okay?"

"No. Yeah I'm fine, but..."

"I thought you were upstairs with Emily."

"I was. I'm standing in the garage now. Why did you go?"

"I needed to think."

"Just like that? No note."

"Note?"

"Yeah, a fucking note would have been nice and..."

The line went dead. He dropped it back in his pocket, cursed at it and turned to go in the house, but froze at the sight of Gillian before him.

"Bloody hell you scared me, woman!"

"Care to explain that phone call?"

"You were gone and didn't leave a note."

"I went in the backyard. I didn't think a note was required if I was still on your property."

"And I am a total wanker."

"Not the word I'd have chosen, but that works too. Cal, look..."

"Gill."

He felt her fingers on his lips, once again, to shut him up. It was becoming a regular thing with her and he wondered if he would ever learn to censor his words to protect her from his snap reactions.

"Cal, I know you need to have it out with Zoe. I knew it would come to this if you ever found out and that day has finally arrived. I know you. I love you and I'm in love with you. I should have never forced you to commit to such a thing when we both know you can't let go. It hurts like hell, Cal, but I will support you in this since it's a pre-existing condition of sorts. Tell you what...why don't you take next weekend to have it out with her once and for all and Emily and I will get lost in a weekend of shopping, sweets and fun, at your expense of course. Get it out of your system, _please_. We can't start our lives together with this continually coming between us."

Her hand moved from his lips to his heart and he took it in his own. Her generosity of spirit never ceased to amaze him and he felt completely unworthy of her. He held tight to her and whispered promises to her. He told her that he would get it done, that it would never be an issue again, that he wanted no one but her though he felt undeserving of her love. The words fell from his lips mingled with apologies and gratitude. He thanked her for staying when he knew that she probably felt the need to walk out the door and leave him to sort the mess with Zoe and Em on his own. All these words poured out of him, yet they all fell short of how he really felt. Rambling and at a loss, he kissed her soundly.

"Gill?"

"Hmm?"

"Em says she wants to talk to us about the paternity test."

"That makes sense. You should get with Zoe and make time as soon as possible for her. It's important for you two to-"

Cal used her own actions to stop her train of thought and put his fingers to her lips.

"Not Zoe and I. _You _and I."

"Oh. I just assumed... Me?"

"Yes, love."

He watched as the emotions played across her face and knew that it touched her deeply that Em would share something like this with her. It made him weak in the knees to see how much she loved his daughter and it gave him hope that things between him and Em wouldn't change if the outcome wasn't what they wanted.

"Of course, whenever she's ready. Are you going to be okay with my advising her? I have to be honest with her and you and neither of you may like some of the things I have to say."

He looked her in the eyes and held her gaze.

"I trust you, Gillian."

She was still in his arms as she pulled him in for her own kiss of affirmation. He knew what it meant for him to say those four words to her and so did she. He hoped that things would start getting less complicated once the decision about the test was made and his impending confrontation with Zoe was over. He had a week to get his plan for her into action so he, Gill and Em could finally move on with their lives, together.


	21. Chapter 20: Moving Forward

Author's Note: I really have nothing to say about the hiatus other than it took the wind out of my sails when they cancelled LTM. I have pretty much stopped watching new series especially on Fox and NBC because they both have done me wrong! LOL.

Two events conspired to return me to finish this story that has been nagging me and taunting me over the last year. The first was my husband getting Netflix streaming which has all 48 episodes of LTM available on my blu ray player and my iPhone. The second is the latest review that came through shortly after I started the LTM series over. While all the reviews have encouraged me along the way and are greatly appreciated, this last one spurred me into action.

My reward for you, dear reader, is 4K+ plus words in this chapter and the strengthening of our favorite couple's relationship before the end games and final trials begin. I have spent many hours trying to decipher how the story is going to end, but I still don't have a handle on it so I guess we will find out together.

Thanks again for the support along the way and to those who found this and read it even though it is both incomplete and not updated until now.

* * *

Ch 20 - Moving Forward

Cal had spent most of the week planning his showdown with Zoe. He called in a favor with a former colleague of his at the MedStar Health Research Institute to get his hands on some fake lab results to corner Zoe. Once she saw them, he would be able to tell what the truth was about the whole situation with RJ by her reactions. He got up from his desk and put all the paperwork in his safe do that Em wouldn't see them before he could tell her his plan. He planned on doing that tonight when he, Em and Gillian figured out what to do about getting the tests done.

As he shut the safe door, he heard Gillian enter his office.

"Oi, I'm in here!"

He turned around and let his eyes roam her body as she leaned in the doorway of the back room.

"You still plan on going through with this, Cal? You should give her a chance to tell you the truth about what happened before you lie to her."

"Always the optimist, eh Gill? You know she won't. She only managed contrition for about 10 minutes before she turned on you again."

"True. Are you ready for tonight?"

He let out a breath and bared his teeth. "Not sure, love."

"Remember Cal, this is about her and you both, but it goes so much deeper for her. It's about her identity; her whole being could be proven to be something she never knew. You must put her needs first."

"I know, love. You'll be there to help me out."

He watched her as she came to him and put her palms on his chest.

"Always, Cal. Now if I could just get you to listen..."

He let out a hearty laugh as she grabbed the lapels of his jacket and shook him playfully. He kissed her and took her by the hand, dragging her toward the front doors.

"Let's get this over with, shall we?"

He left her car at the office and drove them both to his house. She put the radio on a classical station and they both enjoyed the music as the city lights trailed alongside the car as he navigated home.

They walked into the house and found Emily in the living room munching on some popcorn while watching a movie.

"Hi Dad. Hi Gillian...long day at work?"

"Yes, love. Let us get settled in and then we can talk. Do you want to eat first?"

"No, I don't think so. I had a tide me over, but you can eat it you want."

He glanced at Gillian and she nodded, letting him know it was up to him.

"Right. Let's order pizza! It's Friday and will take longer than normal which should give us enough time. If not, we'll just have to talk with our mouths full."

He went upstairs and left the girls rolling their eyes at him. He kicked his shoes off in the bedroom and stood before the bathroom mirror. As he stared into his own eyes, he knew that despite what Em wanted, there was only one option for him...having the test done. For the same reason he would confront Zoe tomorrow, he would have to have the test done. If he didn't, it would drive him insane.

He turned the water on and splashed some on his face, then ran his fingers through his hair. After toweling off, he changed into jeans and a t-shirt and went back downstairs. Gill and Em were on the couch talking, the movie having been turned off in favor of stories from the day.

Cal went to the couch and flopped between them, pulling out his cell to order dinner. Once that was finished, Gillian moved to the chair to face the two of them. He looked at her and knew that Dr. Foster was in the house, though she would never be that formal with them.

"Gillian, why don't you start and then we can go from there."

He thought she would start out by saying something to Em to put her at ease, and she did. He smiled at her, at ease himself just from knowing that he was right about what she would do.

"First of all, I want you to know that I love you both, and while this isn't a formal session what you say to me will not go out of this room. Em, if you choose to share what we say with your mom, that's perfectly okay, but I won't share anything of this with her if you don't want me to. I want you to speak freely and not worry about making anyone mad or upset."

She fixed her gaze firmly on Cal and it was clear to him what she expected of him.

"No worries. Em you can speak freely."

He looked at Em, who relaxed and at Gillian, who smiled at him. 'So far, so good!'

"Cal..."

He returned his gaze to her and saw that this time he didn't know what was coming.

"I know there is only one choice here for you and that is to move forward with the testing. I'm sure Em at least suspects that is the case..."

Gillian and Cal glanced at Emily, who nodded her affirmation of Gillian's assumption.

"...so we might as well acknowledge it. Despite this Emily, your father and I have talked about this and we need you to know some things before you make your final decision. First and foremost, we know for sure that your mom was with your Dad and RJ around the time you were conceived."

She waited for Emily to acknowledge this before she continued on.

"This is difficult for me to say to you, but if you do move forward with the testing you have to understand that there are 3 possible outcomes."

Gillian paused and Emily looked confused.

"Wait, either Dad is my Dad or RJ is. Why do you say there are three?"

"Em, love, Gill and I considered all the angles and while we don't think it's likely, there is a possibility that neither one of us is your father."

He held her hands in his and watched as the confusion turned to realization, then to outrage.

"You're calling my Mom a slut? I expected this from you, but not her."

He saw Gillian cringe at Emily's reaction before her face went back to neutral, but she spoke before he could say anything.

"Emily, no one is calling your Mom a slut. She made a bad decision and we are all paying the consequences for it. I said I don't think that will be the outcome, but I wouldn't be doing my job as a doctor or as your friend if I didn't prepare you for the worst."

Gillian watched Emily. He saw Em drop her eyes and knew that she was okay with Gill.

"You've always been honest with me and this time I just didn't like what you had to say. Sorry."

"I am too, Em. I wish this wasn't an issue at all, but it is. If Cal isn't your biological father, you will have a hard time coming to terms with it. You will question who you are, where you belong, who loves you and every other thing in your life thus far. You are a smart young lady and you have quite a decision before you. Do you have any questions or concerns you want to talk about?"

He watched Em responding to Gill and saw once again how good Gillian was at her job. Her empathy and sincerity can't be taught and are invaluable in her work as a psychologist.

"Well, you kinda threw a curve ball with the whole unknown dad thing, but I want to get the test done. I know it will drive Dad nuts and I don't think I can be normal again until I know for sure."

"What do you mean by normal, Emily?"

"I don't want this hanging over my head. Every time I walk in the door, having that split second of doubt when I look at my Dad. Wondering if today is the day he finds out himself. Using it against him when we fight or he punishes me. And don't even get me started on how it will affect things with Mom. I just want to get it done so that we all can get on with our lives."

"It sounds like you have put some thought into this...are you sure?"

He watched Gillian reach out for Emily's hand and read her body language. He knew there was something else on his daughter's mind and wondered if Gill would pick up on it.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Emily...what are you not saying?"

"Nothing..."

Cal shifted to confront his daughter, but stopped when Gill put her hand up to stop him, never breaking eye contact with Emily.

"Emily, it's okay. You can say it... "

Cal could tell that Gillian instinctively knew what was bothering his daughter, but he had no clue.

"It's just that I know you love my Dad and me, but you don't like my Mom and she hates you and I'm scared, you know. If he's not my Dad...well...then you really won't have a reason to love me anymore. Plus, Mom hates you and wouldn't let me see you anyway."

He saw the tears forming in his daughter's eyes and realized that she feared losing Gillian the most.

"Em...Gillian's not going to stop loving you or talking to you regardless of who your parents are."

"You don't know that. Mom hates her and she doesn't like Mom either. If we find out I'm not your daughter, what's to stop Mom from keeping me from both of you? What's to keep her from using me to break up you and Gillian? Could you make that choice Dad? Me or Gillian? You know that's what it would come to."

"Emily, I know you're scared and I know that there is a remote possibility of Zoe doing as you said, but I don't think it will come to that. Your Mom loves you, Em. She really does and at the end of the day, I don't think she will put her issues with me and your Dad before your needs. There's nothing she or anyone else can do that will make me stop loving you...nothing. I don't care whose blood is pumping through your veins. I loved you the first time I held you and nothing has changed that."

"Right, that would be the pizza!"

Cal got up to answer the door while Gillian embraced Emily and continued to reassure her. He knew that Emily loved Gillian and vice versa, but he never realized how deeply his daughter was attached to her.

"Who wants pizza?"

He put the box down on the coffee table and went to get drinks for them. He smiled to himself when he saw Gillian's purse on the counter where it always ends up when she visits. He mused on where she might keep it when she was living with them.

He rejoined them in the living room where his girls were back on to lighter subjects.

"So, you want the test done Em?"

He and Gillian both studied her as she prepared to answer.

"Woah! You both reading me at the same time? So not cool!"

Cal flopped his head to the other side, waiting for her answer.

"Alright... Yes I want the test. Let's get it over with."

"I'll make an appointment for next week. I'll get our schedules then compare notes with you, okay?"

"Sure, that would be great Gillian. Thanks."

Cal nodded his approval to Gillian while stuffing his mouth full of pizza. Emily turned the TV back on and they ate dinner in relative silence. Emily got up to start bringing the dishes to the kitchen and Cal stopped her.

"Wait, love. There's one more thing I need to discuss with you. You know that I am planning on confronting your Mum this weekend, right?"

"Yeah...which is why I'm spending the weekend with Gillian..."

"Exactly, but I need you to know something before I do this."

"You're going to her with fake results, aren't you? I mean, that's really the only way you're going to get to the truth..."

"Why is it you know these things at your age?"

"Because I'm brilliant like my father..."

He cocked his head to one side and gave her the look.

"...And maybe because I overheard you on the phone the other day talking about it. I don't necessarily agree with you doing it, but I understand why. Now can I go to my room...my cell phone is getting lonely and bored!"

He grinned as she kissed him on the cheek and bounded up the stairs. He flopped back onto the couch and tugged Gill down into his lap, kissing her before she could say anything. He was still amazed at the intensity of his love for her and at the current racing through him as he explored her mouth with his own. His hands held her small frame to him and shifted her so that she could feel him hardening in response to her.

"I love you, Gill."

Gillian moved to get up when she heard Emily coming down the stairs, but Cal held her in place to keep from embarrassing himself in front of his daughter.

"Where are you off to?"

"Going to Rachel's to watch movies. Figured you'd need to prepare for tomorrow with Mom...it won't be easy. I know it's none of my business, but..."

"It's not Em."

"...buuuuut I think Gillian should be there too. She can read Mom better than you an-"

"That's enough Em."

"Alright. I get it. Let me know if things change and I'll just spend the night at Rachel's."

Em gave a wave and headed out the door. He couldn't believe that Em had the audacity to bring that up, yet she was right and he knew it. He also knew that it was unfair to Gillian and that she wanted no part of the confrontation between him and Zoe.

"Look, about what Em said. She-"

Gillian got up off his lap and paced the floor.

"She's right. I don't like it but she's right."

The surprise on his face was evident and he watched the conflicting emotions dance across her features as she struggled to make the decision. He got up and stopped her pacing.

"Love, look at me."

He turned her to face him and rubbed his hands up and down her arms.

"Gill, it is high time you were selfish for once. Don't worry about me and Em. Don't even consider doing this. You've made it clear that it is not what you want and I don't want you changing that because you feel like you have to because of us. She was out of line as much as I was when I first suggested that you be the one to confront Zoe. Zoe has done enough to you without adding any more to the list. You deserve better than that, love."

"Seriously, Cal, who is going to keep you two from killing each other or... Nevermind. I want to be there."

His brow furrowed and he fixed his glare on her to figure out what she didn't say.

"Or what, Gill."

He continued to study her. He knew what she was going to say as soon as he saw the shame flit across her features.

"Or screwing each other."

She started to say something, but he stopped her.

"I know you're scared, Gillian. I can't really blame you with our past, but I'm telling you that this time is different. Being with you has shown me what has been missing with every...and I mean every...other woman I have been with. It's only you I want, Gill. No one else will do."

"I'm sorry, Cal. I know things are different now, but she hasn't changed."

"You're right. So what's it gonna be for you and Em tomorrow? The mall, the spa or what?"

"I'm going with you, Cal. We're partners and this is one case that I want closed once and for all."

He couldn't help the grin that curled at the edges of his lips. He always felt that there was nothing he couldn't do with Gillian at his side. Most would probably say the he felt like Superman, but the fact of the matter is that he has a dark side and has always identified more with Batman than any other comic 'hero'. Someone who had flaws and anger and used his wits and technology to his advantage. Someone who was drawn to the dark, seedy places of life, but strove to rise above them. Gillian knew his flaws intimately and yet here she was still by his side.

"You, darling, are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Tied for first with that lovely daughter of mine."

He saw the question in her eyes.

"Don't care what the tests say...she is mine, if not by blood then by choice. Certainly, she has picked up my habits and mannerisms, but I know that she's mine Gill. I can't explain it, but I know."

"I feel the same way, Cal. From the moment I saw her, I always believed she was yours. How could I let them ruin the bond between you and your little girl? I couldn't stand it Cal. Even back then I knew the possibility of me having kids was remote, but I still held out hope. There was no way in hell I was letting either of them take Em away from you."

He felt the raw emotion and fierce loyalty emanating from her as much as he saw it and it took his breath away. They had talked about everything that happened in pieces, but this was like a window into her soul. If he had any lingering doubts about her motives, they were gone. She was protecting him and his Em and that's all there was to it.

He wondered if he would have the same relationship with Emily if Gillian had not opened that envelope. He would like to think that he would have the same relationship even if he and Zoe had split at the time, but he thought back to all the time he spent building the business and knew that without the marriage in the early years, his relationship with Em would have been more distant. He and Gill worked out of his house in the early years, which gave him time with Emily he wouldn't have had. Besides which, he may have been in jail for murder or at the very least assault. No, despite the years of lies and secrets from Gillian, she did the best thing for them. She gave him the opportunity to be a Dad, Em's Dad, and for that he would be eternally grateful to her.

"You are my miracle, Gillian Foster."

He kissed her long and deep, letting his emotions run free. He held her tightly, holding her hand to his heart and pressing her close with the other. He swayed with her; dancing even though the room was silent. He loved that she just melted in his arms and enjoyed the moment. No questions. No awkwardness. He trailed his lips along her jawline and down her neck, grinning as he felt the goosebumps rise on her skin. Cal put his lips to her ear, nibbling at the lobe.

"Tell me you love me, Gillian."

His voice was rough, betraying his vulnerability.

"With all my heart, Cal, I love you. I'm yours - your best friend, your lover, your partner. Our lives and hearts are so intertwined; I don't think that I could live without you."

He shivered as the words fell along his skin, giving him the reassurance he sought from her. He should be the one reassuring her in light of the impending confrontation with Zoe, but he was scared. Scared of what the truth from Zoe would reveal, scared what the DNA tests would reveal, and scared of what he might do tomorrow even though Gillian will be with him. Shameful as he felt, he needed to hear the words from her as he felt her in his arms.

"Tell me you want me."

"I want you, Cal. I want you in my bed as my lover and I want you across the table slouched in a chair reading the paper. I want you to hold me in your arms and need me with every fiber of your being. I want to dance with you even when there's no music and I want to spend time with you and Emily. I want to fulfill your every desire and comfort you when you're upset. I want the good and the bad, but mostly I just want you by my side. Holding my hand. Taking the rest of the journey that is my life with you."

He continued to dance with her, holding her close and kissed her again. He couldn't get enough of her - the way her body felt pressing against his, the way she tasted when he kissed her, the ways her words touched his heart and put his fears to rest. He wrapped himself in her and felt safe without walls or masks simply by being in her arms.

"Tell me you'll stay. No matter what happens tomorrow."

He felt her tense for just a moment and realized how she misinterpreted his words.

"Cal, I'm not going anywhere. I will stay here, by your side, for as long as you will have me. If, after tomorrow, you decide different, you will have be the one to leave. I know how many people have abandoned you in this life and I won't let you push me away. I won't go no matter what you find out, Cal. All I ask is that you don't go to her."

Gillian rested her head on his shoulder and knew that she was feeling her own fears about what was coming. He put his lips to her ear again so she could hear every nuance in his voice.

"I won't go to her or anyone else. I know I've let you down in the past, love, but things are different now. I feel safe and loved with you; like I'm finally at peace. I don't want to run anymore, Gill and that is because of you."

He pulled back a little to look at her. When she looked up at him her eyes were moist with tears, but her face was only showing happiness.

He pulled her back into his arms, keeping the slow steady rhythm of their dance, and wrapped his arms around her. With closed eyes, he just held her - her scent lingered in the air and the warmth of her body soothed him. Lost in the moment, Cal let his others senses take over while he continued dotting her skin with light kisses and drawing random trails with his tongue; pleased that she remained in the moment with him. She accepted what he gave, offered what he asked and followed where he led.

"Gill..."

He pulled back again to meet her eyes, a smile gracing his features as he saw the love and happiness reflected in her own. She didn't answer so much as hum a response.

"Move in with us Gill. I know it hasn't been that long, but I need you here. You know…a glass with lipstick on it, shoes on the floor, stuff like that."

He traced the lines on her forehead as the confusion played out before him. They stopped moving and she let out a laugh.

"You want me to move in so that I can mess up your house?"

"Precisely, I knew you'd understand!"

"You did?"

"Of course."

"I think all this romanticism is making you a little giddy, Cal."

"That's beside the point. You practically live here already; I'm just tired of your bloody clean up."

"You don't like me cleaning up my own mess?"

"Exactly!"

"You want me to move in here and be a slob?"

"Yes!"

He adored the amusement and playfulness of her tone. She hadn't yet said no either, which made him believe that she wanted it too.

"I get the moving in part, Cal, but what do you have against me picking up after myself. Surely, after all these years you know that I am Felix to your Oscar."

"Don't call me Shirley!"

He laughed out loud, unable to contain himself and she joined in.

"I dunno, Shirley kinda works for you, especially in that flower apron of yours."

"Touché!"

"All I'm saying is that I'm right tired of you erasing every remnant of your presence in my home. I know why you did it when I was married and even after the divorce out of respect for Em, but you still do it. Can't you just leave your bloody lipstick on a wine glass for once?"

He gave her the most exasperated look he could muster and was rewarded with her unrestrained bellow of laughter.

"What are you doing now?"

He was mystified as she plowed through the kitchen doorway and started rummaging through her purse. Least ways, that's what he thought she was doing.

He couldn't help but let out his own guffaw as she proceeded to take every type of wine glass out of his cabinet and put her perfect lip prints on all 17 of them.

"Now hold on a bloody minute...I said a glass not all the glasses!"

He tried to muster up some outrage, but his amusement took over instead.

"I wasn't sure which glass you were talking about so I covered all the bases."

They both were having trouble breathing after the fits of laughter subsided.

He hugged her and spun her around in the kitchen.

"Is that a yes then, love?"

"I don't know, Cal. Are you going to throw me out the first time that I wipe my lipstick off a glass?"

"I suppose I can manage not to, as long as it doesn't become a habit."

He grinned at her, hope shining in his eyes.

"What about Emily, Cal?"

He was not surprised at her question and it didn't dampen his hope one iota. He knew Em would be fine with it, but decided to call her so Gill would be at ease with it.

"Let's call her, shall we?"

He already had the phone out, dialed her number, and started FaceTime before she could respond.

"Hey Dad, did you mess up already?"

"What kind of greeting is that for your Dad? I've asked Gill to move in with us and as usual, she could care less what I think and is all worried about what you will think."

Both of the girls laughed at his antics and the happiness on Em's face wasn't missed by either him or Gillian.

"That's fine with me; it will be nice to have another female vote in the house. Really, Gillian. We already feel like family, it's time we started acting like one!"

He beamed at his daughter and looked at Gillian who was tearing up and speechless.

"Love ya, kiddo! Oh, Gill said she was going with me tomorrow. You need me to bring you anything, love?"

"No, I planned for it just in case. I wouldn't leave you and Mom alone either...you two would kill each other."

"About what Gill said too, love. Be careful darling and call us if you need anything."

"I do need one thing from both of you...No more of that dual interrogation laser focus thing you two did to me tonight. Two of you in one house..."

He laughed at the exaggerated look of horror on his daughter's face.

"We promise to try our best not to gang up on you unless it's for something important."

"I guess I can live with that. Love you guys!"

He ended the call and turned to find Gillian sitting at the kitchen bar and dabbing her eyes. He smiled at her and took her hands from the other side of the bar.

"We both love you, Gillian Foster. Now enough with the water works, we have some serious things to take care of..."

"Things? I know we have to plan for tomorrow, but I don't see anything else that needs to be done tonight."

"Hmmm...alright then, I'll spell it out for you. Emily is spending the night over her friend's house."

He raised his eyebrows for effect.

"Unless I have totally misread your intentions, you've agreed to move in now that my daughter has given her seal of approval. That means I need you in my bed for your sexual duties. No free ride in the Lightman slash Foster household!"

TBC...


	22. Chapter 21: Making Plans

AN: Hello again, since this is a transitional chapter it is shorter than the previous one. The confrontation with Zoe is coming in the next installment and then the fall-out in subsequent chapters. Not sure how many more are to come…we'll have to see where the muse takes me. Thanks for reading…

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Ch. 21 Making Plans

Cal looked at Gillian lying in his bed, eyes roaming over her bare skin, following the curves of her body. The rise and fall of her chest in time with his own. His fingers moved to brush her damp hair back off her face as she slept. They had made love after he teased her about the sexual duties he would require of her. Images of her flashed in his mind...her mouth around his dick, her eyes dilated and fixed on him as he feasted on her altar, the way she bit her lip when she was on the brink of cumming for him.

She was intoxicating and he found that the revelation of her sexuality wasn't any different than the revelation of the true Gillian forced out by the cruelty of his ex. Both were aspects of her he didn't know, but neither one revealed anything of her that was contrary to the essence of who she was. Both made his knowledge of her more complete. In the few days following the gut wrenching revelation of Gillian's and Zoe's deceptions, he quickly came to realize that both women had not only hidden huge secrets from him, but their nature didn't change. Zoe was still the same manipulative, controlling woman and Gillian was still the same compassionate, caring woman.

Even though he thought he would have a hard time truly trusting her again, he found that they had eased back into their friendship quickly and his trust in her was easily restored. Being holed up at his house had allowed them to heal faster than if they had parted ways and he thanked the stars that she didn't leave after his dumb-assery. She had every right to walk out the door, especially after he hurled accusations of sex and collusion at her. He was also thankful that he managed not to flee as he had so many times in the past.

He held her hand to his mouth and gently kissed her fingers. He put her palm to his face and closed his eyes. After a few moments, he brought her hand down and played with her fingers, rubbing the spot that used to be pale on her ring finger. The sun had colored over the line that marked her as Mrs. Alec Foster. He felt his stomach flip as his mind conjured up images of himself putting a ring on her finger. Would she even want to get married again? Would he for that matter?

He had not planned to ask Gillian to move in so soon, although he had planned to ask her. The words left his mouth, though and he couldn't be happier when she officially said yes later. As he slowly moved in and out of her warm recesses, she said 'Yes, Cal.' He stopped briefly and looked into her eyes, noting that it wasn't her urging him on in pleasuring her. She saw the question in his eyes...'Yes I want to move in with you. I know that you assumed it was a done deal, but I want you to hear the words from me.' He kissed her and felt her nudge him back into motion. He kept things slow and worshipped her with his mouth and body. Words of love and devotion punctuated his thrusts and they came together.

Now, as he lay next to her, he realized that he wanted her to be the first Mrs. Cal Lightman. Although he was married to Zoe before, she never took his name and truthfully it never bothered him. He wondered if Gillian would do the same. She never dropped Foster after the divorce since all her credentials were in that name; at least that is what he assumed. What if she didn't take his name or even worse, what if she refused to marry again altogether? Was it too selfish for him to want to change her name?

He knew that most felt she was in his shadow even though she was well established with her own research, publications and former practice. She built her accomplishments under the name of Foster, brick by brick, and he was proud of her for that. He knew that he would let her do what she wanted, after all it was her career and she certainly deserved to make that decision. How he wanted her to take his name, to call herself a Lightman and leave that asshole Foster behind for good.

He kissed her hand again and continued to focus on her ring finger, his thoughts moving to how he would ask her when he was ready. With Zoe, it wasn't anything special...she had been nagging him about getting married and he had finally given in. Gillian stirred next to him and his attention moved back to her face. A smile graced her features as he leaned down to kiss her.

"What's with the faraway look on your face, Cal? You've been that way for a few minutes."

"Just watching you love and thinking what a lucky bastard I am to have you in my life."

"You are a lucky bastard, Cal Lightman, and don't you forget it!"

They both laughed and his eyes settled back on her after glancing at the clock.

"It's almost midnight, love, and we still haven't talked about what the plan is for tomorrow."

Gillian stretched out next to him, her groan driving him crazy.

"No, but I have a plan."

"Let's hear it then, love."

"Put her in the cube, ask her and if she won't answer then give her the fake results and let the pieces fall where they may."

Cal grinned and kissed her soundly.

"Why the cube?"

"Because I know you Cal. You will want to analyze and reanalyze it until you're satisfied. Plus it will allow me to monitor her voice cues better. I think you should let her know I'm there right away though. If you want honesty from her it would go a long way if you were honest with her."

"Not exactly what I had planned, but you might be right especially since she's had time to cool off. I guess we'll see what tomorrow brings."

"Have you considered the fact that she might be able to tell the results are fake?"

"I had them done by a pro at the lab..."

"No Cal, I'm talking about what she will and won't be able to read from you. Do you really think you can fake the devastation that would be all over you if Em wasn't yours. I know you could fake the anger, but there's a chance she might see right through you."

"I can draw on the pain and anger from the night I found out. It shouldn't be too hard to channel it all back up. Plus, I'm sure I'll be plenty angry at her anyway. If not, then I'll deal with that when it comes. Besides I'll have you there and what I miss you'll be able to catch."

"I dunno Cal, I think you might be underestimating her and may have to accept the fact you may never know."

Cal looked at her thoughtfully and knew she had a point. She could always see past his blind spot when it came to Zoe and he would have to take what Gill said to heart.

"Much as I hate to admit it, you're probably right. So, what should we do?"

"This is your quest, Cal. I'm not sure what the right plan is. Without RJ, it's nearly impossible to leverage an answer. How effective has your bullying been in the past with her? That's what you may have to resort to."

"I'm good at that, love."

"Are you going to wear the ear piece?"

"Hadn't thought about it...you think I should?"

"It depends if you think it would help or hinder. I figured since you have issues with reading her it might help you if I guided you along."

"It would, but Zoe's reaction to it might not be helpful. Let's play that one by ear."

He waggled his eyebrows and laughed at the pun, which in turn made her roll her eyes and groan.

"That was bad, punny but bad!"

He kissed her again and told her goodnight. She rolled into his body and rested her head on his shoulder. He thoroughly enjoyed sharing his bed again and held her to him as they both drifted off to sleep.

TBC


	23. Chapter 22: Queen's Gambit Declined

AN: Thanks to those of you still reading and/or reviewing. This chapter, named for an opening chess move I know little about, is the beginning of the confrontation between Cal and Zoe. I was going to keep it all as one chapter, but found a good stopping point. The next chapter is already in the works and my muse is dutifully exploring the options of Em's parenthood and the consequences for the Lightman/Foster family. As a reminder...all mistakes are mine and I don't own the characters.

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Ch. 22: Queen's Gambit Declined

Cal and Gillian walked through the doors of the Lightman Group together. Cal had called a staff meeting Friday and made it clear that no staff was to be in the office this weekend for any reason. He wanted no interruptions with what he had planned and he wanted no one involved.

He and Gillian had taken a couple days off, but covered the real reason with an unscheduled out of town meeting for a prospective client who wished to remain anonymous with everyone but Gill and Cal. When they came back, they played it off as the client changed their mind and the staff was none the wiser. He didn't need anyone at the office to know what kind of drama unfolded, which is why he made sure to purge the video and logs for that day. He moved them over to a private drive at his house and backed them up on disc in case Zoe got any ideas about suing him or Gillian.

It was 10:42 and Cal was fidgety, even more so than usual. He paced around in his office while Gillian just sat there and watched him, no evidence of nerves. He already had the fake test results in the pocket of his blazer, so he had nothing else to do but wait for Zoe to show up.

"How can you be so bloody calm?"

He always admired Gillian's ability to keep a level head when chaos ensued. Of course, there were times when she lost it, but more often than not he was the one who lost his temper or became agitated and restless. His theory - if nothing's happening, then why not kick start things into action.

Cal finally flopped down on the couch, laid back and rested his head on Gillian's thigh. Her fingers pushed through his hair in slow, gentle strokes and he was instantly transported back in time when he used to lay on the couch with his Mum. She would stroke his hair the same way while she told him silly stories she would conjure about animals in the woods doing funny things to each other. It would always relax him and it pained him to lay here knowing that she will never bear her own child to cherish.

"What's wrong, Cal?"

A sad smile settled on his face, as she continued to stroke him.

"My Mum used to do the same thing you're doing now to relax me before sending me off to bed. The memory is a good one, but it makes me sad for you, love."

"That's odd. I never met your mother. Why would a good memory of her make you sad for me?"

"It's not fair, you know? I've seen you over the years with Em and Sophie and with kids we come across during cases and you're bloody brilliant with them. Your instincts are golden and even right here in this moment, you mimicked exactly what my Mum used to do to calm me down. You took me back to when I was a kid through just your touch. Of all people in this world who should be a mum, it's you. I wish I could change that for you is all."

She smiled back at him, her own sadness resurfacing, but she never stopped the calming strokes.

"So do I...but I am blessed. I've got you and Emily and that's enough for me."

Even though her eyes were misty with tears, her smile was genuine so he let it go at that for now. There was no point in getting deep into this when Zoe was due to turn up soon.

Her gaze and thoughts wandered off and he studied the ceiling again, still enjoying the feel of her caress. He made a mental note to himself to look into what it would take for them to adopt after they made plans to marry. He would talk to Em about everything beforehand, but he wanted to give Gillian her greatest desire. He knew there was no chance for her to bear her own child, but he knew from the brief time she had with Sophie and her time with Em that it wouldn't matter how the child came to be in their lives. Hearing Zoe tap her keys on the door, he sighed and got up giving Gillian a kiss before going to open the door.

"You ready for this love?"

"Oh no, Cal...We forgot our bullet proof vests!"

He laughed out loud at her antics and set out to get this over with.

Taking a deep breath before opening the door, he cleared his mind and put his game face on. After being with Gillian for the past week at the house, he found that he much preferred the openness they shared to this mask he wore. He knew that he could never be that way with Zoe.

"Hello, Zoe."

"Hi..."

They rounded the corner to Cal's office and Gillian stood up to greet her. Cal raised his eyebrows and shrugged at Zoe's civil tone and demeanor.

"You brought back up, I see..."

While there was no malice in her tone, Zoe's actions so far had him on edge.

"Gillian deserves to hear the truth from you as much as I do."

"Of course, Cal. It doesn't matter."

Cal couldn't believe what he was witnessing. He knew it was too good to be true, but he picked up nothing from her that would indicate she didn't mean what she was saying.

He glanced over at Gillian, asking her with a look if he had missed something. She shrugged one of her shoulders and pulled at her ear, both markers for lying. He gave the slightest of nods and decided not to sit down.

"Right, into the cube we go. Up to you if you want Gillian in with us or not. That way there's no he said she said...it's all recorded."

Zoe stood up and put her hand on Cal's arm.

"We don't need to do that, Cal. Let's just talk in here and Gillian can go do whatever it is she does around here."

Cal backed up from her and gestured to the door.

"Now, Zoe."

He had a small grin on his face when she huffed and announced she was going to the ladies room. He made sure the exterior doors were locked and the perimeter alarm set, so she wouldn't take off on him.

Taking Gillian's hand briefly, he pulled her toward the cube area and they both made sure everything was set to go. Gillian made herself comfortable and fixed her gaze on him.

"I'm glad you're here, Gill. We haven't even started and I've already missed her manipulation. Why can't I read her?"

His steps were loud in the otherwise silent room and his frustration was palpable. He stopped when he felt Gillian's hand on his arm. She tugged at it, waiting for him to face her.

"Cal, calm down. She didn't display the usual markers. Living with you she has learned to mask those, but she has her own baseline and tells. When she said it didn't matter, she spun the ring on her right hand. It's one of her tells. She knows that you laser in on her facial expressions and I wouldn't be surprised if she takes valium or something to help her mask everything. The thing is, with her body language is more important than what microexpressions she's letting through. You'll see."

He just smiled at her, the frustration draining away as if her touch opened a faucet. His features changed and he watched as Zoe moved past them and went into the cube.

"She can stay here. You and me, Cal, in the cube together. Turn the glass to private, please."

"Alright, Zoe."

Cal opened the drawer at the console and took the earpiece out. It was a new wireless model he acquired from an old colleague at the Pentagon. Putting it in his ear, he nodded to Gillian to test it.

"Everything is set, Cal. You know where to find me."

Nodding, he kissed her on the cheek, winked to show her the earpiece worked and turned to face the cube. He took a deep breath and let his mind go back to the night of their confrontation. He felt the slow burn of anger rising to the surface as he thought about what Zoe had done to him, to Gillian and to Emily. He thought of the pain that surged through him as he heard the words from Gillian about Zoe and RJ. He brought everything back and focused it all onto Zoe. He stepped forward and entered the cube.

He let his eyes wander over Zoe sitting at the table. She had her elbows on the table and her hands clasped in front of her. Even though she was leaning forward trying to look casual, her body was stiff and he noticed her nudging the ring that Gillian pointed out earlier. Her face was so relaxed in contrast to her rigid posture, which is something he had never paid attention to. He had assumed that she just had impeccable posture, like Gillian, but realized as his gaze travelled over her that she was tense. The muscles in her forearms twitched slightly and her back was straight while leaning forward. He sat in the chair opposite her, but moved it farther from the table before sitting down so he was out of her reach.

"Alright, Cal. You can do this. Stay focused. You've already thrown her off balance. You know her – think of it like a chess game. What's her opening move? What diversions does she use? How does she protect her queen? It's all there, Cal."

His eyes darted up to the camera as Gillian's first words floated through his mind. He let his love show through briefly and hoped that she would catch it as he imagined her focused on his image while she was speaking to him.

"I love you, too, Cal Lightman."

He couldn't help the dopey grin that curled at the edges of his lips as he held his gaze on the camera a moment longer, before refocusing on Zoe. The grin disappeared, but not before Zoe mistook it as a reaction to her. He hoped that Gill caught that it was meant for her, not Zoe.

"Good. She thinks you were smiling at her. Even with your distance, she probably doesn't realize that she won't be able to manipulate you. The sooner we get to it, the sooner we can start to move on."

Gillian's words and her primer on Zoe's tell and body language was like the key to a code. Everything started falling in place and now he knew where to find her deception. Zoe visibly relaxed, feeling that he was smiling at her. So much the better.

"Let's have it, Zoe."

He watched her shift again as he crossed his arms and propped his foot up on his knee to close himself off from her. He just stared at her, waiting. Though it was unusual for him to sit this way, he felt it was important for Gillian to know from his cues that he and Zoe were finished on an intimate level. Zoe frowned at him and he could see the confusion on her features. She obviously didn't expect him to distance himself from her regardless of the drama.

"I don't know what to say, Cal. What do you want to know?"

Zoe got up and walked to him, dragging her hand from one shoulder to the other and letting her hand drift down his arm.

Cal felt her touch, but the fire between them was no longer there. He knew she was trying to bait him into a jealous rage. That usually resulted with the two of them in bed. The longing for her was now gone and even her touch didn't stir his libido. He was quite done with Zoe and he hoped that Gill could read what his body language was saying. He was angry at Zoe, but not for the shameless baiting. It ran much deeper than that.

She turned to face him, put her hands on the arms of his chair and met his gaze head on.

"How good he was in bed? Whether he had a bigger dick than you? How many times we fucked?"

He bared his teeth at her, knowing he shouldn't have, but hearing her talk like that got to him. He thought he was in love with her at the time and the betrayal still stung. He mentally kicked himself for showing a chink in his armor.

"You have her thinking she's getting to you. Use it to your advantage."

Gillian saw his reaction as intentional, but it wasn't. He continued to glare at Zoe, stifling any further reaction to her words. He had to maintain control of his temper. He put up his wall as the cruelty continued to roll of Zoe's tongue.

"Or would you like to know the more intimate details, Cal? How he came in my mouth and I took everything he had to give. How many times I came for him in one short weekend. Is that what you want, Cal…?"

When he heard Gillian's voice in his head reassuring him juxtaposed with Zoe's cruel words in the room, it clarified the differences between his past and present in a way that everything else hadn't. Yes he knew how different the women were, but hearing the quality and tenor mingled with words and intent simultaneously was incredible. He had learned a lot from Gillian on voice analysis, but hearing them both together revealed such subtleties that were missed when isolated. He would have to talk with her about it later. He turned his focus back to Zoe and caught the last of her words.

"…anyway, what does it matter? It happened. I fucked someone else. What more do you need to know?"

He glared at Zoe, letting the anger show on his face while he decided on what angle to take. Zoe got the predatory look in her eye and Cal knew that she thought she had the upper hand.

"Too early, let it simmer."

Gillian's voice popped up again, reflecting his own thoughts. They were so in tune, he realized he really didn't need the earpiece, but it made him feel better knowing that she was watching out for him. Her voice kept him grounded and focused on his mission.

"It didn't just happen, Zoe. You made a choice. Question is why?"

He watched her sit back in the chair, her first attempt to rile him having failed. He could see her struggling to make sense of the way he was reacting to her.

"It was her, Cal. Always _her_."

He let out a laugh and started to let the anger tinge his voice a bit. He had her off balance and wanted to keep her that way.

"Her who? Gillian? If you were so concerned about Gillian and me, why in the hell did you browbeat me into marriage? _You_ wanted to be my wife. _You_ wouldn't leave me alone about it and you _knew_ that her and I were going to work together and were becoming friends. No one forced you into this."

"I didn't browbeat you into marriage, Cal. And I sure as hell didn't know that you would put her before me. I was your wife, Cal, and you spent all your time with her."

"I spent time on the business and would have done no matter who I was working with, male or female. I never put her before you and Em and I sure as hell never cheated on you. This deflection of yours has run its course. Who did you fuck around with behind my back?"

"You know the answer to that. Didn't Gillian make that clear enough for you?"

"I'm not talking about what Gillian knows…I want _you_ to tell me _what_ you did and _who_ you did it with."

"I fucked RJ Cal, that's it."

His eyes dropped from her face to her hands. He saw her spinning the ring on his finger and his fears were confirmed. His anger now surged through him and he couldn't think. His stomach turned and his heart thudded in his chest. Nothing prepared him for this even though he knew of the possibility.

"Easy, Cal. Remember why we're here. Get the information."

"Who else, Zoe, we both know you're lying."

His words left her slack-jawed and stammering. He smirked as he took in her discomfort. It was about bloody time that she had to answer for what she had done. It was about bloody time he could tell when she was lying.

"I'm not lying, Cal. RJ was it. Besides, we both know that Em is yours anyway."

Cal let all the emotions from the night of revelations come to the surface. His stomach lurched and the nausea came on full force. He knew that this was the time to push her and Gillian's voice confirmed it.

"Cal, are you okay? You look a little green. If you can, Cal, now is the time."

He pulled the paper out of his jacket pocket, stood up and slammed the paper on the table right in front of Zoe, startling her.

"That says you're lying, Zoe."


	24. Chapter 23: Stalemate

AN: Hello again...trying to keep on a once a week schedule to get this wrapped up. The focus will shift to Cal, Gill and Emily. Not sure how many more chapters it will take to sort out the tangled mess of this story, but I would say at least 3 more. Thanks for hanging in there with me and to those who comment. Still don't own anything and all mistakes are my own. Incidentally, I chased a little rabbit for another story I wrote called Strands of Fate. I should be posting another chapter to that in the next week or so and fixing several errors I found in original. Thanks again!

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Ch 23: Stalemate

_He pulled the paper out of his jacket pocket, stood up and slammed the paper on the table right in front of Zoe, startling her._

"_That says you're lying, Zoe."_

Cal heard the tremor in his own voice and noted that the fear of Em really not being his was gripping his heart. His whole body shook with anger and fear. His chances were 50/50 and now the best he could hope for was one out of three or worse. None of this was acting anymore and Zoe got the same look on her face that she had when Gillian told her about RJ. He felt cold, then suddenly hot and knew that he was going to be sick. He tore out of the cube and went to the closest toilet which happened to be in the women's restroom.

He heard Gillian's voice, but not in the earpiece. His retching had finally subsided and she brought him some wet paper towels and a bottle of room temperature water. She knelt down by him and spoke quietly to him to soothe him as she wiped the sweat from his face.

He took her outstretched hands and got up. He stopped in front of the sink, rinsed his mouth and turned to face Gillian. She began wiping the moisture from his face and he let himself take comfort from her touch. His eyes closed as she wrapped her arms around him, holding him firmly with her hands under his blazer. He felt the warmth of her palms through the fabric of his shirt and loved the feeling of her holding him this way, but he needed to get this done.

"Gill, love. Let's go back. I just want this done."

He pulled back and looked at her as she shifted to meet his eyes. He saw everything in her eyes, but was startled to see guilt. He felt sick all over again and began to panic. He thought she told him everything and now there was guilt there.

"Oh, God. Gillian…? No."

His voice dropped to a whisper and he felt his mind shut down. He couldn't take anymore. It was all too much.

* * *

Gillian felt Cal pull out of her embrace and adjusted to meet his eyes. She hated this whole mess. The worst part was that he felt compelled to get the truth from Zoe, though so far he'd been unsuccessful in that goal. Guilt swept through her, knowing that she was the catalyst that brought him to this point. If she hadn't said anything to Emily and Cal about the possibility of neither men being Em's Dad, they wouldn't be here now and might not have ever had to cross this bridge. She was brought out of her thoughts when his body stiffened and his eyes went blank. His wall came up in an instant and she immediately knew he saw the guilt in her eyes and assumed the worst.

" Cal! Cal, _look_ at me!"

She tried to snap him out of it, but her words weren't getting through. She shook him to no avail and started to worry. Not knowing what else to do, she was left with two choices: slap him or kiss him. She couldn't bring herself to hit him, so she chose the latter hoping it would snap him out of it long enough for her to explain.

She took his face in her hands and kept her eyes locked on his as she brought her lips to his. At first she felt no change in his in his body and saw no change in his eyes. She pulled at his bottom lip gently with her teeth and saw him refocus on her. She quickly put her palms on his chest to stop his reaction before it got out of control.

"Cal, don't! I'm not hiding anything else from you."

Her words flew out of her mouth and her urgency finally got through to Cal. His look was hard and his tone was cold. She knew it was a defense mechanism, but it hurt her that he would be this way with her.

"Explain."

"I felt guilty for mentioning the possibility of you and RJ not being the father when we talked to Em. If I didn't, we may never have had to cross this bridge with Zoe. I saw how much this hurt you and I felt guilty for opening this door."

She let her eyes drop to the floor, hating that he misunderstood what he saw. Hating that Zoe ever did this to him in the first place. Hating that his walls flew up in her face so quickly. She couldn't blame him for jumping to conclusions, but it tore at her. The doctor in her knew that they still had a long way to go in healing the wounds and truly reestablishing trust, but the woman in her had hoped that they were already there.

She felt his fingers under her chin and reluctantly raised her eyes to meet his gaze, afraid that the trust between them was suddenly tenuous again. It pained her to think that he may not believe her and it didn't help matters that she knew it was justified. Her eyes finally met his and she put her hand to her mouth to cover the sob of relief that escaped her.

The hardness left his eyes and his body relaxed as he pulled her tightly into his arms. She breathed in his scent and pushed down the emotions. They both knew they still had business left with Zoe.

"I'm sorry, love. We'll talk later, but I know you're telling me the truth."

She looked into his eyes and smiled at him, nodding. Not trusting her voice, she pulled away from him and looked herself over in the mirror. Dabbing her eyes, she put her game face on and allowed the anger to surge through, steeling herself for what was to come – Zoe's vitriol, how many more times she cheated on him and what Cal's reaction would be. Raising her eyes to look into those of her reflection, she took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and thought '_You can do this.' _She found his eyes and reached out her hand. They would get through this together.

* * *

Still feeling queasy, Cal took Gillian's hand as they slowly made their way back to the cube. He thought that his trust in her was solid once again, but the past 5 minutes with Gillian showed them both that he didn't fully trust her. His steps were slow and his heart was heavy. Cal squeezed Gillian's hand before letting go and pulling her to him as they walked. He grabbed a mint as they passed by the reception desk and popped it in his mouth. Stopped in front of the door to the cube, Cal turned Gillian around and found her eyes. He neither needed nor offered any words to her before he placed a gentle kiss on her lips. He took out the earpiece and dropped it in a drawer, not needing it anymore since he intended on having Gillian at his side. Steeling himself once again for the task at hand, he grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the cube. He snatched an extra chair and brought it with him and motioned for her to sit between him and Zoe.

He sat down in the chair and looked at Zoe. He had no idea what was coming next, but he was tired of the bullshit.

"Zoe…"

"You're kidding me with this shit, right?"

He watched as Zoe waved the paper around in her hand, shrill voice louder than it had been all day. She got up from her chair and started pacing the floor.

"Cal you and I both know this is a fake. Hell, _she_ knows it's a fake. What are you trying to pull? You want the fucking truth, Cal?"

"Damn right I want the truth."

He stood and got right up in Zoe's face, oblivious to Gillian in the room.

"And this…" She waived it in his face. "This is how you planned to get it?"

"I wouldn't have to do stupid shit like this if you would tell the fucking truth. I knew you were lying before that piece of paper came out; Gillian knew you were lying and _YOU_ knew you were lying. Who else Zoe? What are the odds now that I'm Em's dad? One out of four? Five, even?"

All three of them were in shock after the sound of Zoe's hand hitting Cal's face resounded through the now quiet room. His jaw clenched and his body was alive with the rage curling through it. He barely registered Gillian's hands on his chest as she put herself between the two of them and pushed him back away from Zoe. Zoe had turned her back to him, which infuriated him even more.

"Turn round and look at me Zoe!"

"Fine! You stupid bastard. It wasn't another man, okay?"

At this, Gillian turned around and looked at Zoe too.

Cal stood there, mouth agape and totally confused. His brain tried to reconcile her words, but it just didn't register what she meant until Gillian spoke up.

"It was a woman…"

Cal was astonished at Gillian's words and he looked at Zoe for confirmation. She locked eyes with Gillian, who spoke up again after a couple minutes of silence.

"It was Liz, wasn't it Zoe?

Zoe nodded and couldn't hold Gillian's gaze, letting her eyes fall to the floor instead. Gillian knew that Zoe had a close friend named Liz. She had never suspected anything until now, but hindsight showed the signs that they were together and why she suddenly disappeared after Emily was born.

Cal watched Zoe respond to Gillian, utterly dumbfounded. He turned his eyes to Gillian.

"Please tell me you didn't know about this, Gillian."

Cal hated the words coming from his mouth, but how else could she put it all together when he couldn't. His guilt and shame came to the surface when he saw the truth in her eyes once again followed by the hurt. They all sat down again and he silently watched as Gillian became Dr. Foster – mediator.

"No Cal, I didn't know, but it makes sense in hindsight. I mean, Liz was her best friend and left shortly after you guys found out Zoe was pregnant. I can't have children, but I never cut ties with any of my friends because they were pregnant. It never made sense to me why she left. Zoe?"

"Yes, it started as a stupid dare when we got drunk one night. One thing led to another and I chose to keep going back even though I knew I had no intentions of leaving Cal. I was so confused on how I could be attracted to her. I had to get away from both of them and that's when I hooked up with RJ. I was so confused; I thought that if I had sex with another guy it would fix whatever was wrong with me. When I ended up pregnant, Liz wanted me to leave Cal and go away with her. I couldn't do that. That's when I realized that I was just using her as a means to an end. She was just a distraction when Cal wasn't there."

"How long, Zoe?"

"It doesn't matter, Cal. It was over once I was pregnant. I never…"

"HOW LONG?"

Cal was on his feet again, separating himself from her as much as he could in the small space. The rage was taking over and he didn't want to risk hurting either of them. He retreated to the corner where there was nothing in his reach to hurl through the glass panes. He noticed Gillian get up and position herself near him, but not in arm's reach. His focus moved back to Zoe.

"I'm only going to ask this one more time, Zoe. How long?"

"I don't know for sure…six months, maybe a little more."

"Six months. SIX MONTHS?!"

Cal felt like he was going to explode. It was hard enough dealing with the fact she had a weekend fling, but to know that she was having sex with Liz for six months under his nose was unbearable. Liz stayed in their home when he went out of town on business. She was over all the time for dinner and would pick up Zoe for a girls night out. Images of them having sex in their bed invaded his mind and he started feeling nauseous again.

"Get her out of here, Gillian. Fuck!"

* * *

Both women watched as Cal bolted once again from the cube. This time Gillian stayed with Zoe, as Cal wanted. She waited to see what Zoe was going to do.

"Maybe you should go check on him. I can show myself out."

"I will in a minute. Zoe, you should know that Emily told us that she wants to have the paternity test. While I think that she is doing it for her father as much as herself; I know that she has thought it through and am comfortable that she wants for her own reasons, not just for Cal."

"I'm glad you talked to her about it. Regardless of our history, I know that you are one if the best in your field and I trust your judgment on this."

"I'm going to make an appointment for the test next week. Call Emily tomorrow and talk to her about it. I don't know if she'll want you there for the initial part, but you should be there for her when the results come in."

"What about Cal?"

"Look, I'm going to be honest here. Cal is upset, angry and hurt. I can't promise that he will include you, but that would have been my suggestion anyway because Emily will need her parents to get through this."

She watched Zoe nod and decided to take advantage of Zoe's rational behavior.

"Zoe, what do you plan to do about Emily if Cal isn't her biological father?"

"I'm not sure what you mean? Why do you ask?"

"I think Emily is scared and is having some concerns about how her relationships will change if it turns out that RJ is her father."

The shock on Zoe's face was genuine and Gill felt a cautious hope that her instincts about Zoe not keeping her or Cal from Em.

"What kind of concerns?"

"She said that she was scared that she may not be able to stay with Cal any longer. She also expressed concern that Cal's feelings toward her would change."

Gillian held back the part about Zoe keeping Emily away from her and making her choose. She didn't want to drive that wedge into their relationship. If that's what Zoe chose to do, they would deal with it together. She looked at Zoe as she processed the information.

"Of course he'll still love her. I'm also not going to take her away from Cal. RJ has passed on, so his claims are a moot point, but I know how much Cal loves her and I couldn't rip her away from him after all this time. You told her all this, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did. I also explained to her that I know Cal's feelings for her won't change because my own feelings for her won't change regardless of what the results say. This may be hard for you to hear, but I love Emily as if she were my own. I would never try to replace you as her mother. All I'm saying is that I love her and want what's best for her, as you and Cal do. It was important for me to explain this to her so that she could know for certain that Cal's love and devotion to her won't change."

"Thank you for telling me all of this. I should go now."

They both exited the cube and started toward the front door.

"Are you okay to drive or should I call someone?"

"I'll be alright, Gillian. Go take care of him."

Gillian disarmed the alarm and unlocked the door. She gave a small nod to Zoe, not sure what else to say. Zoe walked away and Gillian again locked up. She jogged down the hall to the bathroom where Cal had gone the first time. A gasp escaped her lips as her eyes took in the sight before her – the large mirror broken, his fist at his side covered in blood, the bright red drops of blood splashed across the white tile and the silent tears rolling down his face. She found his eyes in a fragment of the mirror that had not fallen and registered the emptiness there.

"Cal…"

She spoke softly trying to get his attention without startling him since he seemed to be unaware of her presence. She sighed with relief when his eyes focused on her, feeling that it was safe to approach him. She put her hands on his shoulders and turned him around.

"Cal. I need you to let me help you, okay?"

He nodded and she took his unharmed hand and led him into the men's room. She got the first aid kit out from under the sink and silently asked permission to tend to his wounded hand. Tears fell from her eyes as she watched the blood mingle with water and heard him hiss as he finally registered the pain. He had several shallow cuts from the mirror that were bleeding, but nothing looked like it needed stitches. She figured that his elevated heart rate and clenched fist made the cuts bleed more than they normally would. She dabbed at the cuts with paper towels, put some ointment on and bandaged them up.

"Are you going to be sick?"

He shook his head slightly and frowned at her. She could feel the pain and sadness radiating from him and felt helpless.

"Okay, then. Let's go back to your office, then."

She took his hand when he held it out to her and squeezed it gently as she led him back to his office. He flopped on the couch and she kissed him on the forehead.

"Wait here a minute, Cal. I'll be right back."

His only acknowledgment was to lean his head back and exhale. She quickly got together a makeshift icepack and hurried back to his office. She pulled out his bottle of scotch and poured him a small amount and grabbed a water bottle from the small fridge. She opened the water and left both the scotch and water on the side table, letting him make the choice of what he wanted. She sat down carefully next to him, cradled his injured hand in her lap and gently set the towel wrapped bag of ice and water on it. Her gaze was on him as he flinched, then relaxed at the cool weight on his hand. Surprised that he passed over the scotch for the water, she waited as he downed the water in one go and then turned to her. He looked so exhausted; all his emotions swirling in his eyes and her heart broke for him. She hated watching him go through this. His obsessive need for the truth overshadowed everything and this time he got more than either of them bargained for. They held each other's gaze for what seemed like an eternity, when he finally spoke.

"Stalemate…"

She raised her eyebrow in an unspoken question and he continued.

"She thought she had the upper hand and I thought I did. She certainly didn't win anything, nor did I. Stalemate."

TBC


	25. Chapter 24: Fragile

AN: Hello again, this is another transitional chapter. I'm gearing up for the test and the aftermath. I'm hoping to wrap this up soon. Thanks to all of you who are reading and/or commenting. Also, those of you still writing. It was a bummer when the show got cancelled, but it's nice to see some new adventures for Cal and Gill. All mistakes are my own.

Ch. 24: Fragile

…_They held each other's gaze for what seemed like an eternity, when he finally spoke._

"_Stalemate…"_

_She raised her eyebrow in an unspoken question and he continued._

"_She thought she had the upper hand and I thought I did. She certainly didn't win anything, nor did I. Stalemate."_

Cal was emotionally and physically exhausted. He could feel the throb of his hand now that the adrenaline had worn off, though the ice was helping. He was embarrassed by his actions and was glad that only Gillian saw what he did. It had been many years since he lost control like that and he was sure that it had scared her to see him in such a state. His eyes never left hers, which were full of empathy, concern and sadness. The guilt started to move through his system and take over his thoughts.

"Gill, I'm sorry… about all this."

Her expression didn't change, but her eyes moved to his hand cradled in her lap. It was his actions that resulted in this giant fiasco. He just couldn't leave well enough alone and now they would both pay the price for it. He now knew that his ex-wife not only had an affair with a random stranger, but with her best friend. He exposed the fragility of his trust in Gillian, not once but twice in a matter of only 10 minutes, which was a shock to them both. He let loose the rage that had been caged and buried for so long he thought it was gone. He knows that he scared Gillian more than once today and won't forget the look on her face when she finally got his attention in front of the shattered mirror. The only silver lining in this whole mess was that Emily wasn't here to witness it, although he would have to explain his injury to her.

"Gillian, please look at me."

She slowly complied with his request, dragging hers up to meet his. He wanted to hold her, but it was impossible from this position.

"Did I...uh do I scare you? I mean when we were in the cube and you moved closer to me, but out of my reach. Were you...?"

He let his words trail off, unsure whether he really wanted to know the answer to that question now that he vocalized it. His eyes took in her expression of shock, then sympathy.

"What? No Cal. I wasn't afraid of you, but I am smart enough to know when you need space. You retreated to the corner of the cube, which spoke loud and clear to me that you felt cornered. I wanted you to know that I was there without you feeling as though I was trapping you. If I was afraid of you, I would have never put myself between you and Zoe."

He thought she must see the lingering doubt in his eyes, because she continued on after carefully adjusting then turning her body toward him.

"And as for how I found you in the restroom, I _was_ scared Cal, but not because I thought you would hurt me. When I saw the broken mirror and the blood, I figured you probably lashed out with your fist. Of course, that concerned me, but it was the emptiness in your eyes that scared me. It was like you completely checked out and I've never seen you that way before. I've seen a whole range of emotions from you and I've seen you hide them all, but I've never seen that emptiness."

He heard the waver in her voice and let out a deep sigh. He hadn't blanked out like that in more than 30 years and it terrified him that it happened again. He couldn't remember if that had been in his file when he saw Gillian as a patient years ago, but figured that he would have to tell her in light of recent events.

"I used to have spells, when I was in my teens. I would just zone out to the world and lose time. It hasn't happened in so long, I thought they were gone. Apparently I was wrong."

"Do you not remember breaking the mirror?"

He shook his head slowly and averted his eyes from hers, overwhelmed by what had happened and the concern emanating from her.

"What do you remember?"

"Leaving the cube, telling you to get her out, and then I'm looking at you in the remnants of the mirror, thinking how your jagged reflection was like a Picasso."

"When's the last time this happened? Nothing recent?"

"No, like I told you, it was more than 30 years ago, doc."

His gaze drifted back to hers, noticing that Dr. Foster had popped by again. A small smile graced his features as he thought about her Dr. Foster persona. He didn't mind it…in fact, at times like this the doc was easier to deal with since she puts the emotions aside and becomes more objective. She raised her brow at his teasing and returned his smirk.

"Honestly, I think it's just the stress overload. You will let me know if it happens, again?"

As quickly as the doctor appeared, she disappeared and Gillian was back, her concern overwhelming him again.

"Of course, love."

He watched her curiously as she picked up her cell. She motioned to him that she would be back and left after planting a kiss on his lips. Not sure what she was doing, but too exhausted to move, he figured that she would tell him when she came back to the office. He picked up the small glass of scotch and held it up so the amber liquid caught the sunlight, swirling it around so the light would dance. He finally swallowed the liquor, leaned back and closed his eyes. He felt Gillian come back in the room and looked at her with his "What's going on that I need to know about" look.

"I called in a favor to get the mirror fixed before Monday. I'll have to go clean up a little once they're done, but they are taking care of the bulk of it. I figured you wouldn't be ready to move for a while after all that happened."

He discarded the icepack and held his arms open for her. He held her in his arms with her reclining against him. He breathed in the fragrance of her shampoo and put his lips to her ear.

"Gill…"

He felt her try to move and held her close.

"Don't move, love. Don't talk. Just listen. I know that I hurt you today. I could see it in your eyes and even if I couldn't see it, I felt it. When I reacted to your guilt, when I questioned you on knowing about _her_ and when you had to find me in the state you did. You warned me, Gillian. You told me and I didn't listen and now we're here and you're cleaning up my mess yet again. Only this time a thank you and twirl ain't gonna fix it."

He felt her breath hitch and knew that tears would follow.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't just do what you asked me to and drop it. I'm sorry that I automatically shut down on you when I saw the guilt cross your face. Gill, I love you so much and yet I couldn't leave all this alone. I know I was wrong about all this, Gillian. I know and I'm so sorry, love."

Her resolve finally crumbled and she wept softly in his arms and he held her closer. He kept telling her how much he loved her and how sorry he was, trying to calm her. Her phone chirped and he released her. She got up to go let the men out but he stopped her.

"I'll go, Gill. When they're gone you can go freshen up."

He kissed her hand and went to go let the workers out. He didn't bother trying to read them; he just wanted them gone. He got the invoice and told them it would be paid on Monday morning.

He went back to the bathroom and was shocked to see the amount of blood that was on the floor. Sighing heavily, he got some paper towels and the cleaning spray and set to work. After a few minutes of struggling with one hand, he finally managed to contain the mess and tossed the towels in the bin. Glancing around, he checked the floor. Finding no other remnants of blood or glass he stood up and found Gillian watching him in the mirror. They stared at each other, both noting that the glass was now whole and his eyes were anything but empty.

"Ready to go home, love?"

"Yeah…let me freshen up a bit and then we can leave."

He nodded at her, then set off to the men's room to make sure there was no more blood around. He cleaned up the few droplets along the path she led him along. He also cleaned the sink where she cleaned him up and felt the weight of guilt press down again on his soul. When the need to find the truth took hold of him, he saw nothing else but his goal. This time, instead of putting someone in jail or ending a crooked politician's career, he put his relationship with Gillian at risk. He knew that this wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last. It killed him to know that, but he'd be damned if he would let her go. He finally, _finally_ knew what it was like to hold her in his arms, wake up beside her and make love to her. He was desperate to have her in his life and he would do whatever it took to keep her from coming to her senses and leaving him.

He put the supplies away and left the men's room, heading back toward his office to find Gillian sitting in his office chair. She was sitting up and motioned for him to sit across from her. Knowing that she only took ownership of his office when she had something on her mind, he flopped in the chair and braced himself for what was coming.

She held his gaze and said nothing. He waited. She waited. Silence enveloped them. He fought the urge to fidget. She watched him, studied him as if the words were hidden on him. He waited. She sighed. He flinched at the sadness he felt coming from her.

"Cal."

Only his name, but the way she said it conveyed so much. Disappointment, hurt, love, exasperation. He read them on her face and he heard them in her voice. She had taught him that. He said nothing, but let her know that he was listening to her and not hiding anything from her.

"Are you done with all this now? Done with the interrogation of Zoe? Done with digging up the bones of your marriage?"

"Yes."

He knew that she saw the truth of his answer and felt the tension dissipate immediately. Her relief was evident and he dared to hope that they would be okay after this. He waited again. There was more she needed to say and he would give her all the time she needed.

"You don't trust me."

It wasn't an accusation, but those words felt like a dagger to his heart. He thought he trusted her. He wanted to trust her. With everything. But he didn't. He didn't and he proved that not once, but twice.

"I do, Gillian. I trust you with my life. I trust you with my daughter's life, with my home, our business, my heart. I do trust you Gillian."

"You believe that. I can see that you do. But that doesn't change what happened today."

"No love, it doesn't. I saw the guilt and my body just reacted. I felt you kiss me, love. I didn't know what the guilt was and that scared me. My defenses went up immediately, but I felt your lips on mine and knew that I had to keep from lashing out at you. I know I'm a git and run off at the mouth, but after all I said to you about RJ I knew I had to keep my mouth shut. I fought it, Gillian. I know I was a bastard today, love, but you have to know that I was trying not to hurt you more than I had."

He dropped his eyes in shame and studied the floor in front of his desk. He heard his name and looked up at her.

"What about later, Cal? You questioned me on Liz too…"

"I did. Twice, Gillian. I _know_ that. Both times, though, were related to Zoe and her indiscretions. The second time, I couldn't understand how you knew. I didn't figure it out that fast, but you seemed to laser in on it so fast that it seemed as if you knew already. Again, I was scared that you didn't tell me everything about what happened with Zoe. It's stupid really, because I know that you already told me everything you knew, but I just couldn't piece everything together. I was hurt, betrayed, angry and irrational. Don't you see, love? Both times were related to Zoe."

"So, instead of just asking me why I felt guilty or how I figured out it was Liz, it was easier for you to believe I had done something wrong? That somehow my loyalties lie with Zoe instead of you? That I would hide something from you even after you saw the video. Studied me like one of your experiments in the cube and found that I was telling the truth. You knew all this and it took you a split second to shut down on me. While I truly appreciate that you curbed your mouth, it doesn't bode well for us does it?"

Cal felt his heart pound in his chest and his stomach knot. He didn't want to hear those words from her. He can't bear the thought of his future without her now that they had come so far, even after all the drama of the past week. He let his head flop to the side and studied her. She said she wouldn't leave and he had to trust her on that. He didn't see goodbye on her features, yet.

"Don't talk like that, love. It's only been a week or so and we only have one more hurdle to go in this mess, then we are free to move forward…you, me and Em. It'll all be over. I know that Zoe will still be in our lives because of Em, but we'll move past this."

"It's not just going to go away, Cal. It's not that simple. I do this for a living and I wanted to believe that we were solid. I honestly thought we were, but we're not."

"Look, Gillian. Love. I trust you. I love you. I'm in love with you and I want nothing more than to continue to build the future we started just a few weeks ago. I can let this go, but if you think we need to talk to someone then we'll do that. You're it, love. You're all I want and whatever it takes to keep you by my side as my wife, my partner, and my best friend is what I'll do."

He got up and went to her in the chair. He held out his hands and she stepped up into his embrace. He tightened his hold on her when she whispered that she didn't want to lose him.

"You won't, Gill. I promise you won't. We'll get through it together."

He felt her sigh, her weariness as evident as his own. He pulled back and looked in her eyes, smiling at the love he saw there. They would be okay…he could see it.

"Let's go home, Cal."

He smiled down at her, bringing his lips to hers. He poured the emotions of the day into the kiss and savored the slow, gentle rhythm of their mouths moving together. He held everything he ever wanted and dreamed of in a woman in his arms. He put his forehead to hers, breath mingling and smiled at her.

"Right…how 'bout some beans on toast?"

They both laughed and exited the building. Cal glanced up at the storm clouds in the distance and couldn't help but think of the impending DNA test and what it would mean for them. Pulling Gillian closer, he pushed the thought out of his mind and focused on the beautiful woman at his side.

TBC…


	26. Chapter 25: Push and Pull

AN: Hello again. I've been away for a few weeks because my dear grandmother had to have surgery. Approaching 90 and having dementia, it is a more difficult recovery. Fortunately, she is on the mend and well cared for. The other mitigating factor was the chapter wasn't working, so I did a rewrite of the second half. It seems Gillian had to work out some pent up frustration. I did a brief proofread, so there may be some errors I missed.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. For those that go the extra step to comment, the encouragement helps keep me motivated. All that is left is to resolve things between Em and Zoe, get the test done and results and find out what the future holds for Cal and Gill. The journey continues…

* * *

Chapter 25: Push and Pull

Cal and Gillian sat watching a movie; both with a beer in their hands, letting the tension of the day with Zoe dissipate. She sat at the corner of the couch while he leaned into her, so that he could manage to be close to her and hold the beer at the same time. His other hand still throbbed from the punishment it took earlier in the day, but he found that the anger toward Zoe and the betrayal he felt quickly subsided once he and Gillian left work. Her fingers moved in small, rhythmic patterns along his shoulder as the credits of the movie started scrolling on the tv.

"How's the hand?"

"Been better…been worse."

"And the rest of you?"

"Right now? I'm happy to be here with you. Been thinking about all that went on today and I realized that once we left, my anger toward Zoe just drained away. We're not together anymore and I can't change anything, so why hold on to it? Ya know what I mean?"

"Mmm hmm…How much are you going to tell Emily?"

"I honestly don't know love. I'm thinking just answer her questions as straightforward and with as little embellishment as possible. I don't think she needs to know about Liz, but if she asks I don't want to lie to her either."

"Sounds like a good plan. I'm sure that it will cause some friction with her and Zoe, but they should be able to work through things if Zoe is honest with her. Not sure how that will work out."

"Nor am I."

Cal sighed deeply, knowing that Gill would pick up on his mood shift. He still marveled at how easy it was for him to be so open with Gillian. He always used to accuse her of smothering him to try and keep her at a safe distance when he felt vulnerable. Rather than risk revealing how deep his feelings for her went, he opted to defend and deflect as best he could, which often resulted in Gillian being hurt and confused. He was glad that everything was so different now. Being able to be himself with her was liberating.

It had hurt him to push her away and he often dulled the pain the best he could with other women, adrenaline and to a lesser extent alcohol. He mostly stayed away from the alcohol after the devastating effect it had on him and his relationship with Emily. His mind turned back to Gillian. She was there saving him, pulling him back from the edge time and time again after his divorce. She was there to keep the business going, she was there to clean him up after night after night of binge drinking, she was there to make sure he was coherent and presentable when Emily came around and she was there to help soothe his demons when he was all alone. He supposed Gillian was hurt the most from his behavior, yet she never held it against him and did the best she could to keep him from killing himself and get back on track.

"Gill, love?"

"Hmmm…?"

"Why have you stuck by me all these years? I mean, I understand why you kept the business going when I went off the rails, but why did you take care of me? I know I can be a sod to you when I'm sober and I'm sure I was as bad or worse when I was drunk. Yet you were there to pull me out of bars, clean up the disaster zone that was my house, nurse me through all the morning-afters and even put me back together so I could keep seeing Em. If it weren't for you, Zoe would have sole custody of her. But why? You deserved better, Gillian."

His last words were a whisper, so true but he didn't want her to leave him. He knew that she deserved better than him, but he wasn't strong enough to let her go now that they had crossed the line. He'd been over this time and time again in his mind and he still couldn't fathom why she was still here. Hell, he was never strong enough to let her go, once he had her in his life. If she were an ocean, he was the moon that pushed her away and pulled her to him in a relentless cycle.

He felt her tug on his shirt and knew that she wanted him to make eye contact with her. He put down the bottle and shifted so he was facing her, not yet ready to meet her eyes.

"Cal, look at me. Please."

Her voice was soft, pleading with him to connect with her. He raised his eyes to meet hers and found tears in her eyes, silently trailing down her cheeks. He couldn't tear his eyes away from hers, though the raw pain and sadness reflected in her broke his heart. He didn't know how to quantify extremities of pain, but he was certain what he caused was right up there with her loss of Sophie. He felt his own eyes burn with tears when she started to speak.

"First, I don't want to ever hear those words out of your mouth again. What I deserve or not can't be quantified or ascertained any more than it can be for you or anyone else. Who are you to decide who or what I deserve? I love you, Cal. You are who I want – who I need, despite all we've been through together. I've seen you at your best and at your worst. I was there because I knew you were hurting and needed someone to love you. You needed someone to pull you back from the edge. You needed someone to support you until you got back on your feet and your heart started to heal. You needed me and Emily needed you. All that sounds so good and was true, but the God's honest truth of the matter is that I was selfish."

Cal couldn't believe what he just heard. Gillian doesn't have a selfish bone in her body.

"What a load of bollocks, Gillian. You aren't selfish! In fact you're the complete opposite. The past..."

She stopped him with only a look.

"_I needed you, Cal. I _needed you. I wasn't a martyr or a saint. I did it for me. I _had_ to get you back, Cal, because I didn't know how to live life without you. You were my partner and my best friend. Your Em was the daughter I could never have. I was married, yes, but it wasn't the same. He didn't want to know my secrets; what made me tick. He didn't want to hear my fears or what my dreams for the future were. He couldn't look at me and know that my smile was faked and I was bothered about something. You showed me what a true friend could be. You listened when I spoke, noticed the small things, remembered my preferences and knew when I needed someone to just be there with me. You gave me what Alec wouldn't and I didn't want to lose that. I knew two things at the time – I had to help you and I had to keep my secret. I had to protect you from yourself. You didn't make it easy, Cal, and I really started to fear that you were going to lose Emily if you didn't snap out of it. I was terrified that she would take Em away from you. I knew it would probably kill you to lose her."

He looked at her, dumbfounded. He didn't know that she felt that way.

"Selfish or not, love, I'm grateful you were there for me then and that you're here with me now."

Cal sat up and moved over as Gillian nudged him, getting up. His weary eyes followed her as she went to the front door, locked the bolt and twisted the rod for the blinds to close them.

"Cal?"

"Yeah, love?"

"Can we leave the past where it belongs tonight?"

He flopped his head over as she turned the tv and lights off, then moved into the kitchen. He heard the ice move around in the drawer, along with the faucet and rattle of a pill bottle. When she came out, the only light in the room was that spilling through the doorway from the light over the stove, which framed her silhouette and shadowed her features. He watched as her shadow moved toward him slowly, almost floating. His eyes followed the curves of her body as she walked to him, the difference in her movement no less pleasing without the towering heels she wore each day.

He sat up a bit, nodded as he accepted the Advil and swallowed them down with the water. His eyes met hers as she took the glass from him and set it on the coffee table. Captivated by her stare, it took him a few moments to realize that she was standing before him with her skirt pooled at her feet and her fingers unbuttoning her blouse. His eyes refocused and skimmed the length of her body as she kicked the skirt away and positioned herself in front of him. The light behind her revealed the change in her silhouette and made her white silk blouse appear translucent. He breathed in deeply as she leaned forward, hands on the back on the couch, and slowly straddled his lap. His breath caught when he felt her roll her hips slowly, grinding her silk covered sex on his burgeoning erection beneath his slacks. Her lips fastened to his neck as she reset her hips and began the same movement again, moaning at the feel of him growing harder beneath her.

"Oh God, that feels so good."

She drew out the last word, her hot breath in his ear as she continued to grind her sex along his length and took his earlobe between her teeth. He shivered as her breath whispered in his ear. Her lips trailed along his jaw until her hungry mouth found his. She kissed him deeply as she continued to pleasure herself on his lap, quickening her rhythm as her desire grew. Overwhelmed by her arousal, he could only grunt and moan as she moved on him, his hands cupping her ass. He felt her teeth on his shoulder as her pace quickened again.

"Fuck, Cal. I'm _soooo_ close."

"Gill, cum for me."

He squeezed her ass and pulled it toward him as he commanded her. She captured his lips again and devoured his mouth, hips pushed firmly to his cock, rocking up and down in short strokes. He felt her thrusts becoming erratic and knew that she was about cum. She put her forehead in the crook of his neck, panting as she gave the final few movements that would take her over the edge. He held her to him as her body continued to shudder while the effects of the orgasm dissipated.

"You're so bloody gorgeous, Gill. I damn near came in my pants."

He heard her hum in agreement, not yet able to form coherent words. Free from the mind numbing friction of her grinding him, he was no longer in danger of losing control, but his need for her burned in him. Too far gone to move to the bedroom, Cal opted for round two immediately.

"Lift up on your knees for me, darling."

When he felt her move, he quickly undid his pants and slid them and his boxers down just far enough, not even registering the pain in his injured hand. As soon as he was free, she was impaling herself on him having moved the cloth covering her aside and his breath was stolen from his lungs, rendering him speechless.

"You're…mine, Cal Lightman."

He couldn't form a coherent thought as her hot, wet core came down on him. She kept pounding away at him, nipping his skin, tugging his hair, kissing him forcefully. Her desire overloaded his senses. Unwilling to take control from her, he surrendered his body and let her plunder him at will. Her relentless pace as she rode him returned him to the edge of orgasm in record time.

"Bloody hell, Gill, so fucking close."

With one final thrust, she came down on him and clamped down on his cock inside of her, forcing herself to ride out her orgasm around him. The tightness around him was exquisitely painful as her muscles rippled around him, triggering his own pulsating release. Struggling for air, he felt the tension drain from her as her body relaxed into his embrace. When he felt her gently lift off of him, he had enough presence of mind to resituate her underwear as she settled back down. He sought out her lips, kissing her tenderly as he held her to him.

He was surprised, yet delighted by Gillian's wanton display of need and possessiveness for him. It was the first time that she took what she needed from him and it was sexy as hell. The image of her rutting him like a sex crazed teenager was making him hard again. This was another new facet of her and their sex life to explore and he was looking forward to finding out what other sexual discoveries were awaiting him.

"Off to bed, then?"

"Don't think I can walk."

With some difficulty, Cal freed his legs from his clothes and lifted her up to take her to the bedroom. Kicking the door shut, he placed her on the bed and fixed her with a predatory glare.

"Get comfortable, love. It's my turn to fuck you senseless."

TBC


End file.
